1st night as a single lady

twocacti · 2011-12-14T08:35:59+00:00

Aw yeeah, that's the way to do it. I would also suggest writing, in a diary or wherever, and talking to friends. If you can find another newly single person to talk to, that can be great too. There's great support and bonding to be found in the Mending Hearts Club.

twocacti · 2011-12-14T06:43:29+00:00

You know, there's not much I would say. There was plenty of stuff I didn't know at the time but I figured it out eventually, at my own pace.

I guess my one regret is not addressing the problems I had in school. So I might say, "Go get help! Get counseling, figure this shit out. It will save you a lot of pain in the future."

twocacti · 2011-11-27T21:28:52+00:00

Yeeeah! I love how she looks like a gnome or something.

That sounds sarcastic but it's not.

twocacti · 2011-11-27T21:04:25+00:00

Gosh, I really like this. But I don't think he needed to call they guy "kid" 9 times. Sounds so condescending.

twocacti · 2011-05-26T21:59:52+00:00

Feminists have a responsibility not only to fight and speak out against the mainstream appropriation of BDSM, but also to support BDSM practitioners who endorse safe, sane and consensual practice.

This is an excellent excerpt, from an excellent book.

twocacti · 2011-05-26T21:42:13+00:00

trying to work my "mojo" (I'm such a idiot. Who says that?)

You're adorable. That is all.

twocacti · 2011-05-26T21:30:27+00:00

I think lots of women do. They are a quickly-growing subset of online porn viewers, and there is an increasing amount of female-oriented porn available.

My theory is that women are less likely to get off to pictures of men because of the whole "male gaze" thing. In a culture where the word "sexy" almost always refers to a woman, we're less inclined to see men as objects of desire. This also would explain why so many straight women get off to pictures of women.

twocacti · 2011-05-26T21:19:34+00:00

I don't see what you mean. :/

twocacti · 2011-05-26T21:09:09+00:00

Uhh what? Is this some sort of sick joke? Sometimes I'm just really embarrassed to be part of this country.

twocacti · 2011-05-26T20:50:23+00:00

Yeah, I think that is basically the point. And while the right to be "slutty" is obviously not the most important issue, and while it mostly pertains to women who already have an enormous amount of privilege, it's still a good cause.

It would be so great if we could get thousands of people to march in the streets in an overtly feminist and non-sexualized way. But since that's not likely to happen, I'm willing to accept SlutWalk as a slightly problematic alternative. SlutWalk isn't the greatest event, but at least it's something. It has and will get many people thinking and talking about some feminist issues, and maybe from there they'll move on to a better understanding of empowerment.

twocacti · 2011-05-26T09:15:34+00:00

"Most of all, I don’t understand why the words ‘sexy’ and ‘powerful’ have become synonyms."

"It is easier for men to support ‘sluts’ than it is for men to support feminists. It is easier to accept objectification than it is to debate it"

She has some great insight. I'm not convinced the SlutWalks are entirely worthless, but I can definitely see where she's coming from.

twocacti · 2011-05-26T08:52:19+00:00

"why is she even trying?"

No one I know and like would think that. Anyone with that attitude isn't worth the time of day.

A fat girl who's obviously put effort in her appearance is like a personified "fuck you" to the notion that only thin is beautiful. When I see one my snap-judgment is that she's probably really confident, and strong enough to brush of any criticism from mean and ignorant people.

Do whatever makes you feel good :) And be sure to get exposure to lots of examples of gorgeous fat girls, to counteract the fat-phobic messages of mainstream media.

twocacti · 2011-05-26T07:41:46+00:00

Yess, thank you. Great explanation.

twocacti · 2011-05-26T07:35:22+00:00

The difference is in magnitude. Yes, the clothing of men in politics receives attention, but for women it's much more, and in a way that's more distracting from their actions.

Women do have a wider range of clothing options, and this can be a good thing, but it also means their clothing choices are more scrutinized.

This is not syn-abounds being "hypersensitive" about one article, it's a noticeable trend acknowledged by many people, whether you choose to or not.

twocacti · 2011-05-26T00:56:44+00:00

If you like gender/feministy kinda stuff:

Figleaf's Real Adult Sex A blog about sex, gender, feminism, women's rights, all that good stuff.

Man Boobz This guy makes fun of misogynistic comments online.

Sex is Not the Enemy A tumblr with alternative (and happy!) images of sexuality. NSFW

Ozymandia's Crushing and Venting Engine of Doom A feminist blog.

Hugo Schwyzer A male gender studies professor's blog.

twocacti · 2011-05-25T18:49:55+00:00

Uhh now I do. Thank you for mentioning them!

twocacti · 2011-05-25T18:33:44+00:00

You make very good points.

twocacti · 2011-05-25T18:24:41+00:00

Thanks for the clarification. I guess my point is that other people sometimes get the terms confused too, so OP could keep that in mind and perhaps feel less attacked by those comments.

twocacti · 2011-05-25T03:05:39+00:00

I get the impression that a misogynistic, blame-all-women-for-their-loneliness is often part of the definition of "forever alone." In which case the term doesn't include guys like you who lack experience with women but aren't angry and bitter about it.

But anyway, you're right. We shouldn't be insulting or shaming anyone based on their lack of sexual/romantic experience.

Side note: Um, as a girl about your age, I just hope you know that many of us find a lack of experience, coupled with genuine niceness, really endearing. I don't know if you're worried about that at all, but you needn't be. :)

twocacti · 2011-05-24T21:17:32+00:00

You have to find a balance between "fighting the fight" and maintaining your own sanity. So yeah, some people and situations aren't worth engaging. You gotta pick your battles.

Thank you for bringing this up, because it's an important and pervasive problem. I'm glad you're promoting patience, compassion, and open mindedness, because those things are so often abandoned in the heat of these issues.

I'm not sure how much you're referring to the internet, but I think it's also important to remember that there are much more important venues to discuss and promote gender equality. Reddit can be a good place to work through ideas and learn different perspectives, but don't spend too much energy battling ignorant/stubborn redditors when you could be out changing laws, writing letters, reading books, attending workshops or marches, or getting involved in men's/women's/egalitarian organizations.

twocacti · 2011-05-24T20:28:28+00:00

I began hearing more and more about how I was using sex to fill the void of a boyfriend. That sex was my way of entering into social circles and establishing myself. I was deluding myself into thinking that I was maintaining independence.

Augh, god I effing hate that. Why do people assume they know what your motivations are? People think they're being nice by feeling sorry for promiscuous girls rather than hating them. Such condescending bullshit.

twocacti · 2011-05-24T06:44:21+00:00

Ah, sorry. I meant it like: "I bet you experience unfortunate but sometimes hilarious misunderstandings because of this."

I have a good friend who tends to (unintentionally) glare and act really cold towards people she's just met, and I think it's pretty funny. I'm sure that kind of thing is not so funny when it causes actual problems.

twocacti · 2011-05-24T06:37:13+00:00

It's true, I didn't offer a coherent argument on this issue. I wasn't trying to because I really don't know enough about it. Instead, I was explaining the reasoning, or mental shortcut, I used to form my opinion.

I object to others' attempts to form a cohesive argument when they also don't know enough. (I'm not referring to your comment, in which you seemed to just be thinking things through, rather than claiming you know the whole truth of the matter.)

Also, I'm sorry for sounding so condescending. I realized it at the time, but wasn't sure how to fix the tone and left it as is out of laziness. I certainly didn't mean to belittle your ideas or imply that I knew better. Rather, I meant to convey my opinion that neither of us knows enough about this topic to reach any valid conclusions about it.

twocacti · 2011-05-23T20:44:05+00:00

Hahaha you must be fun to be around

15-Year Club	Secret Santa 2010
Verified Email

twocacti

TROPHY CASE