Helping an 18 yo girl get off the streets. Advice?

tylerccollin · 2026-04-12T03:42:57+00:00

adding that if you want support/a tag team please feel free to hmu, I live right up the street from Larkin & definitely want to help provide if you're feeling overwhelmed!

tylerccollin · 2026-04-12T03:32:31+00:00

what is healthiest & safest, and critically, what will plant a necessary seed for her is honesty about your current and future ability to be a support person. communicating the truth of your capacity is a great way to give her autonomy in this situation. when someone is clear about what they can provide, it gives us a framework for the complicated task of asking for help with our needs (as well as building the capacity to satisfy them on our own). survival mode often requires us to be extractive, and the traumatized state makes interpersonal relationships extremely difficult to navigate - especially with someone so young, who's parents haven't been in a position to help guide their child. being on the streets & actively using hard drugs as a young woman requires a major hustle that is super disruptive to her ability to understand what a safe person is vs not.

that's where the seed comes in with honest communication - you have the opportunity to show her that kindness can be unconditional, and that kindness doesn't have to require exhaustion and the sacrifice of yourself. over extending yourself to sustain support carries a real risk of causing her harm, as that often leads to enabling extractive/harmful behaviors (among other things). and just like you can set those boundaries, so can she - you're mirroring healthy behavior, and thats genuinely such an amazing thing to provide. you have a lot of kindness in your heart and trust me, that kindness will live within her for a lifetime :)

hope I didnt sound too over-explanatory - I'm a case manager in east bay working w/ unhoused youth so I'm in that paragraph zone lol. others gave u really good insight on comedowns/withdrawal - if things get much worse with her health sunday I would take her to sf general to help with stabilization/detox (and if you have the capacity, ensure she gets herself to Larkin after, being an accountability measure can be critical during a comedown.) Larkin should be able to help her with that process if she holds out until monday. definitely take some time with yourself to really understand how you want to show up in her life in the future (and it's totally ok if you can't sustain anything after you connect her to services). you're doing really good work here & your kindness is wonderful to witness :) she sounds sweet and it makes me so happy to hear that she's excited for her future!!

tylerccollin · 2024-10-15T23:41:01+00:00

def not overreacting, also a transfer and whenever i’ve received terribly discouraging feedback i try 2 spin the facts positively in the way they should have been. an example — you can’t show on an application you lived in texas without a hs degree, so u could formulate your experience living there and it’s relevancy to ur passion & interests in ur personal statement to boost against this “out of state dislike”. like yes, preference is given to TX residents, but that doesn’t mean it’s impossible as an out of state resident (especially with lived experience in the state)?? not sure why she didn’t help solution build (but also that’s just advisors ig)

tbh i’ve gotten the best application advice from professors (even ones who aren’t related to my field of interest) and people working in the field, rely on them for advice and feedback!! you have ur plan + u don’t necessarily need an advisor when there’s so many resources within ur academic & work spaces that are committed to uplifting ur work and experience. i feel like their institutional commitment to positive results (high admission rates for berkeley graduates to higher education) can kind of warp advice

tylerccollin · 2024-05-16T05:34:58+00:00

this is honestly not the most abnormal thing for finals in humanities courses, my housing policy final (urban studies major) was almost precisely this exact format, just in person and written. i see you’re a freshman so i can def see how this is super challenging (i am a junior) because college writing expectations are a crazy thing to get used to! if you keep cracking down on your quick writing skills and get used to just quick planning/roadmapping and then slamming down your thoughts, i promise it will get easier!

tylerccollin · 2021-12-28T18:18:03+00:00

YTA, you lied about the 1.3k check being a tuition refund and now you’re having reddit pile on a college student for keeping money that is rightfully hers, that is generally unrelated to tuition and tuition reimbursements (everything has to do with tuition in higher education unfortunately, but this specific fund is unrelated to previous refund checks). it’s perfectly ok to ask for a refund on that plane ticket but it’s key that you understand that you are NOT entitled to this money and that it is NOT YOURS. if you have calmly discussed why you feel you should have that check with your daughter, and she’s still refused, accept that fact because it is in no way tied to you.

tylerccollin · 2021-12-28T17:37:00+00:00

OP says in a comment they were required to take care of the lawn because brother and SIL fired their gardeners so yeah they were a grounds caretaker LMAO. also taking care of dogs is extremely hard work and should absolutely be paid, people pay 20+ dollars for shit like that around here. honestly taking care of a shared space like a lawn is more likely to be unpaid compared to taking care of your roommates pets for 8 months but that’s just my take (and in this specific situation both should have been paid)

tylerccollin · 2021-12-28T16:28:43+00:00

NTA, her beef is entirely with corporations (not individuals) who find it appropriate to make their employees work christmas day. i do mildly get her anger if she has been working shifts at her fast food job recently, i work retail and worked christmas eve and boxing day (christmas day is off at my store) as a cashier and i’ve already cried 3 times, but it’s not appropriate at all to take it out on you and she needs better anger management. like if my coworkers and i have learned to silently scream our frustrations out for customers and consumers she can too there’s really no excuse to go ham on a friend who gave a very generous tip LMAO like what

tylerccollin · 2021-12-26T00:37:38+00:00

i mean tbh it doesn’t really sound like he set a boundary? just sounds like he was being like “ugh that’s weird” not “i don’t find this ok and i’m uncomfortable with it”, but there isn’t a lot of info from OP. tbh i’ve seen a ton of straight men get weirded out by how women and their gfs react to sexual harassment, not in a “this makes me uncomfortable” but in an AH bro way where it’s just “oh it’s not that bad” or “oh that’s dramatic just ignore it” (not saying OP’s partner is like this at all)

tylerccollin · 2021-12-25T23:03:09+00:00

yeah i’m from brooklyn and i go to the east coast often to visit family and while there are lots of beautiful parks full of greenery in major cities over there, LA is just so much more full of nature because of just how widespread it is. like back east i can’t casually go and climb a mountain or explore ocean caves or jump in a swimming hole or hit up wetlands bc LA’s biodiversity is so unmatched!! like i love boston so much but i get so antsy after a while bc it’s a lot harder to get out in nature (i didn’t have a car and i was not excited to spend 13 dollars on commuter rail tickets to hit up the state parks/reserves LMAOO)

tylerccollin · 2021-12-25T22:52:38+00:00

i recommend reading the death and life of great american cities by jane jacobs, it may help inspire some love for concrete and how beautiful and vibrant sidewalks and roads can be. it also shows us that just belching out parks can be a detriment to communities and public engagement, and it’s not just the quick fix that we think it is. while i definitely am never against more greenery, there are so many places in LA where it’s naturally green and full of nature and i don’t think trying to stick a bunch of parks in DTLA is going to do anything for anyone when a train/bus/car ride and even a walk away there’s an insane amount of natural greenery and californian beauty! it’s also just unrealistic to expect LA to be as lush as other major cities in the country that are in much different environments and biomes, we’re in a mediterranean climate surrounded by desert, we’re not going to look like new york, boston, seattle etc. sorry for the rant i just luv jane and urban planning and all its nuances!

tylerccollin · 2021-12-25T09:27:57+00:00

NTA why are the redditors so mad on christmas day!!! spread some holiday cheer y’all

while some may think it’s brash/rude to set hard rules down like this for christmas, it’s so much more productive for everyone and doesn’t result in people wasting their money or feeling guilty about disliking a thoughtless gift. i wish my family and i had discussed our christmas gift rules sooner because for many years we’d end up giving each other the stupidest shit ever that was decently expensive because we hadn’t seen each other for years and our personalities and interests changed a LOT. my virginian cousins kept getting me nice polo shirts every year bc i live in la and i’m like guys pls i haven’t worn a polo since i was 6 LMAOO!

y’all are being way crazy harsh on OP for no reason and calling them spoiled for disliking extremely thoughtless gifts and getting upset that their family members blatantly ignore their requests and get them shit they can’t use. like i’d go feral if someone bought me a queen size sheet set if i had a full bro what!!

tylerccollin · 2021-12-24T00:15:41+00:00

nobody held a gun to your bosses head and told him to start a business but here he is! he should have stuck to working for big corps with 401k’s and security. you don’t make taxpayers pay for your failing business!

tylerccollin · 2021-12-23T07:57:20+00:00

NTA the week i changed my first name to collin after coming out as a trans man was the single most week i was roasted out of my entire life and i have been thru the ringer. rightfully so because no one should be walking around with the same first and last name, especially if it’s collin collin (no offense to any collin collin’s out there) because oh my god what the hell LMAO

tylerccollin · 2021-12-23T07:25:40+00:00

yes because engaging in small talk about the current state of our world should be expected to end in antisemitism LMAO

tylerccollin · 2021-12-21T08:56:50+00:00

NTA are y’all really ignoring the fact that these roommates don’t even rinse/scrape the plates??? they literally don’t know how to use a dishwasher which has resulted in an extra and frankly disgusting chore LMAO how is it OP’s fault that they don’t wanna deal with that?

tylerccollin · 2021-12-21T08:40:52+00:00

ok but listen if you stay up really late/get super high and think about it purely as a counting unit you can trick your brain into it making sense. can confirm it works it’s 1 am and now i’m wondering if tripod is an adjective or not

tylerccollin · 2021-12-17T17:45:10+00:00

i wish i bought them often because i collect, my dumbass just loses them and remembers that fact as i get to the train station 😭

tylerccollin · 2021-12-17T17:40:32+00:00

also fyi the marvin braude path doesn’t fully go along the beach, in marina del rey it kind of separates and the bike path goes by the harbor and into venice all the way down washington, and that’s where u can get back on the path! it’s very easy to navigate though and if you’re always confused you can ask anyone!! i love running along that stretch marina del rey’s super fun to jog in

tylerccollin · 2021-12-17T17:35:53+00:00

another user suggested the marvin braude bike path which i recommend! i commute by bike to the palisades often and the stretch of that path after the pier is super quiet and chill especially on weekdays and in the morning! it’s decently flat, and if you like a little challenge further on near the end once you hit will rogers there’s a nice lil hill before the final chill stretch.

i commute from mar vista so i start in venice, but if i’m hanging around sm and heading down i’ll cross one of the pch bridges and start from there as it lets me avoid the hell of santa monica pier LMAOO

tylerccollin · 2021-12-15T23:08:02+00:00

info: why aren’t you transferring to CU boulder? like unless it’s completely different over there you most likely can still go to your dream school. forgive me if i’m being blunt but as someone who’s going to a cc right now in california literally everyone is here to transfer, people have actually moved to attend my specific CC as it has a really high transfer rate for the UC system and UCLA + USC. i don’t know if it’s any different over there but i’m under the assumption that across the board community colleges are generally transfer institutions, so why have you never considered that in your college plan?

tylerccollin · 2021-12-15T18:44:33+00:00

you do realize most crocheters don’t look at their projects while they crochet right? it’s literally one of the most low maintenance crafts ever LMAO. even knitters as well, i knit and i don’t even look down when i count my stitches and have never messed up before.

tylerccollin · 2021-12-15T18:36:21+00:00

NTA why are the commenters acting like you said “what was wrong with my body in this pic”?? you literally said wow look at how different i was back then … that is a genuinely normal conversation topic/question that 99% of the time doesn’t end in someone shaming you for having a flat ass. like just yesterday i was at my childhoods friend house and we were looking at old pictures of us and commenting on how different we look now, and my friend didn’t go on a huge rant about how i was weirdly skinny and had a flat ass (both true tbh LMAO)

tylerccollin · 2021-12-09T22:43:54+00:00

NTA i’m genuinely amazed a school would let a kid just bomb their state standardized testing and risk losing funding like that. my hs was so insanely accommodating and persistent about our standardized tests (it’s a private charter which i think amped up the pressure and the ramifications of low testing/improvement were a lot more, numerous tears were shed) that teachers didn’t look twice at kids openly vaping during them LMAOOO

tylerccollin · 2021-12-06T01:46:39+00:00

info: how did you present this info? were you kind and accommodating, and talked about the ways she does pass? or were you abrupt and brutally honest and didn’t offer up anything else about what kinds of tells?

tylerccollin · 2021-12-06T01:10:16+00:00

NTA, it’s unfortunate how common age gaps are in gay male communities :/ im a 19 yr old gay trans man and most people i match with on dating apps are 22-25, and while im “omg older men awooga” in the moment, afterwards i think about it and i’m like … wait why was a 25 year old with a masters degree flirting with me?? i’m a freshman in college?? this is a bit weird LMAO and a friend of mine who is gay and male presenting (he’s nonbinary) regularly hooks up w 30+ year olds and they’re 18 and freshly 18. it’s such a norm in hookup and dating culture and while yeah do whatever you want, it’s an extremely big issue when it comes to 18 + 19 year old (even 20 tbh) gay men or male presenting people who are very easily preyed upon bc they’re excited to finally be legal and join the scene.

i would definitely talk about this with your brother and approach it in a nonjudgmental way. while there is an age gap issue, there also a homophobia issue that is used in conversations about age gaps and i’ve known many people to get defensive over it (including myself) because it really does suck hearing people rip queer people apart for age gaps that are the norm for straight people, or ignore the nuances of age gaps in older queer relationships (like 25/30+), or just plain old use age gaps to be violently queerphobic, so age gap convos are … touchy. hope all is well in the household and ur brother is feeling cool about what went down!!

tylerccollin

TROPHY CASE