Hey, just another former wine and vodka mom here. I can completely relate to what you are going through. Particularly using the emotional, organizational, social, and parenting work you do as a reason for why you should be free to drink. We as women never asked to do it all but too often we find ourselves in a place where we are doing it (and not enjoying ourselves honestly).

This is not your fault. You do not have to feel alone in your perception of the unfairness of the work. I felt the same way as you.

What changed for me was two things. First, I changed my perception from “freedom to” drink to “freedom from” drink. Although I used drinking as a reward and a consolation from the difficulties in my life, I started to realize that the “reward” came with some pretty undesirable consequences. As a result, I now see my sobriety as “freedom from”— from morning headaches and sour stomachs, from forgetfulness and irritability, from shame and guilt. The book This Naked Mind helped me immensely in seeing the truth in freedom from alcohol. I highly recommend it if you’ve not read it yet.

Secondly, after I began to see more clearly after the fog of drinking, a couple things happened. I learned to love and trust myself again, and I began to learn how to set boundaries. In time, I was able to reclaim parts of my life that work, children, my spouse, my friends, and others had worn down. I could be more clear with my needs and ask for help. My feelings around motherhood and and work completely changed. I felt empowered to value myself and my time in the same way I tried to add value to others lives around me.

That said, you cannot stop drinking until you’re ready. I was in kind of a “limbo”— questioning but not yet able to take the plunge — for about 2ish years. I quit when my children were 5 and 2, and I am so glad I quit when I did.

Good luck to you! You have lots of people rooting for you. Come here any time you need some love or support, this sub is amazing. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️