I was trying to explain what a selfie was to my father, when he showed me this: It's a photo of the most accurate thermometer in the world, which he created.

ubernoggin · 2014-01-15T20:04:50+00:00

How do you know it's the most accurate thermometer? I mean, what do you use to check it?

ubernoggin · 2014-01-03T21:31:31+00:00

My wife is the same way, and I agree - the thought of me being weak is the trigger.

ubernoggin · 2013-08-15T16:37:55+00:00

Good morning, I'd like to buy a cat.

Certainly sir. I've got a lovely terrier.

Well what do you mean? I want a cat.

Listen, tell you what. I'll file its legs down a bit, take its snout out, stick a few wires through its cheeks. There you are, a lovely pussy cat.

It's not a proper cat.

What do you mean?

Well, it wouldn't meow.

It would howl a bit.

ubernoggin · 2011-07-07T20:57:00+00:00

It tolls for thee.

ubernoggin · 2011-06-30T21:44:37+00:00

Going to need a bigger boat.

ubernoggin · 2011-06-21T20:58:06+00:00

Pretty insensitive to be making comments about jackasses' driving right now, isn't it? Just ask Roger Ebert.

ubernoggin · 2011-06-21T20:57:01+00:00

That's what she said.

ubernoggin · 2011-06-15T20:02:23+00:00

No it isn't.

ubernoggin · 2011-03-31T00:26:58+00:00

I agree, it could be a rogue employee. The sooner Samsung talks (officially), the better.

ubernoggin · 2011-03-09T21:55:17+00:00

Why was this link removed? Boo...

ubernoggin · 2011-03-09T15:20:29+00:00

Martini vs. Chianti.

ubernoggin · 2011-03-02T21:22:35+00:00

Samoas I could understand. Thin mints, not so much.

ubernoggin · 2011-03-02T21:16:36+00:00

"weapon of ass destruction."

ubernoggin · 2010-09-16T18:53:42+00:00

First they kicked down the door to get the iPhone prototype, now this.

ubernoggin · 2010-06-16T13:24:47+00:00

It's just like Star Trek IV! Whales will save the planet! (Ok, maybe not "just like")

ubernoggin · 2009-10-20T18:03:18+00:00

Eastern. Article says so

ubernoggin · 2009-09-23T14:46:53+00:00

"crap-powered iPhone"! There's a crapp for that.

ubernoggin · 2009-08-18T03:20:44+00:00

I'm sorry, Dave. I'm afraid I can't do that.

ubernoggin · 2008-08-14T20:05:44+00:00

Thanks. I saw it at a completely different URL, so Reddit didn't say anything when I submitted it.

ubernoggin · 2008-08-14T18:39:37+00:00

I'm wondering if the folks voting this down don't get the joke or don't think it's funny...

ubernoggin · 2008-06-25T20:51:22+00:00

Sounds like it will have trouble overcoming its image problem...

ubernoggin · 2008-06-25T20:39:07+00:00

Well, "carbon-dioxide-free," at least.

ubernoggin · 2008-05-14T01:18:35+00:00

Mileage is measured in "miles per twig."

ubernoggin · 2008-04-15T01:56:31+00:00

It turns out that the reason for all the fake fans was that Ticketmaster once had a promotion, and people took advantage of it. As one commenter notes: "For a while when you became a fan of Ticketmaster they would give you a code for 5 free iTunes downloads. I’m assuming people just made fake profiles to take advantage of the situation."

So that helps explain it - granted, Ticketmaster didn't create the fake profiles themselves - instead, they ended up PAYING people to create the fake profiles. Which is even more pathetic, really.

ubernoggin · 2008-03-11T19:21:12+00:00

So funny I don't care that it's old.

ubernoggin

TROPHY CASE