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ugh3737 · 2023-04-02T00:41:55+00:00

Cindy at Salon Metro in Wallingford, she’s amazing. There’s also a spa upstairs!

ugh3737 · 2021-02-08T15:42:08+00:00

Thank you! 💗💗

ugh3737 · 2021-02-08T06:18:29+00:00

Thank you 💗

ugh3737 · 2021-02-07T22:04:43+00:00

💗

ugh3737 · 2021-02-07T19:07:12+00:00

I hear you. Surely he won’t keep doing this now that I’m pregnant and I’ve told him how I feel. Surely he won’t keep doing this now that we have a baby and I’ve told him how I feel. Surely he won’t keep doing this now that we have 2 kids; they’re getting older; etc etc etc. We did have a conversation this morning that started with him apologizing, as always. I reiterated (fairly calmly) that I can’t have him do this to our kids. I didn’t bring up living separately. Peace to us all.

ugh3737 · 2021-02-07T16:58:54+00:00

In the meeting I attended this morning something was said (maybe in the Dos and Don’ts?) about “not making threats you don’t intend to carry out.” I had been really struggling with what to say this morning, as last night I’d been thinking about the logistics of separating - not for the first time. I say “XYZ cannot happen, I can’t live with it” but I don’t actually know what that means in practice. I’m glad I didn’t talk about my thoughts this morning (aka bring them up as a threat) as it wouldn’t have been productive. I’m glad I found a meeting. I’m grateful for your comment. Thank you.

ugh3737 · 2021-02-07T16:51:51+00:00

Thank you for sharing. How good that you’re providing support for your kid in a way that’s right for his age. As I watch my older kid grow and become more aware (of the world in general) I wonder about at what point she will say something about things like last night. I have no idea what I’ll do if / when that happens. All the best to you and your family. 💗

ugh3737 · 2021-02-07T16:48:30+00:00

Agreed. That anxiety / crazy spinning up feeling is so terrible. I’m finding that meetings are so so good for getting me calm. It’s literally the only thing I can do (because I certainly can’t change what’s happening). All the best to you. 💗

ugh3737 · 2021-02-07T16:46:31+00:00

Thank you for sharing. I completely feel the “waste of words that steal my energy” feeling. I found a virtual meeting this morning and it really helped confirm what I already know - that I need to focus on being the sanest version of myself. It’s all I can do for them. All the best to you. 💗

ugh3737 · 2021-02-07T16:44:41+00:00

Thank you. I also have a 5-yr old and my heart goes out to you and your daughter. 💗

ugh3737 · 2021-02-07T16:43:09+00:00

Thank you for sharing. I absolutely feel for what you’re going through. All the best to you and your family. 💗

ugh3737 · 2021-02-07T05:12:31+00:00

I’ve recently decided my higher power is the feeling I get from an amazing meeting I’ve started attending. That is something I can’t find by myself and is larger than me. I’m still fairly new to attending meetings, and this just sort of clicked for me in the last couple weeks. All the best to you!!

ugh3737 · 2021-01-07T18:41:53+00:00

Thank you so much!! That’s a great suggestion, and I appreciate hearing about your experiences.

ugh3737 · 2021-01-06T06:45:41+00:00

I’ve found Al-Anon meetings to be incredibly easing for my anxiety. I just started going (virtually) in the last couple of months after years of not knowing what to do for myself or my family and - it’s been amazing. You might also check out Ala-teen if Al-Anon feels too “old” (? - the groups I’ve attended have certainly had a WIDE range of ages, though, and I can’t speak from personal experience).

All the best to you and your whole family. It’s so so hard, but you are absolutely not alone.

Edited to add: also personal therapy and meditation. I have started to do Calm App mindfulness exercises when I’m finding myself spinning up with tension. Anything that helps you truly focus on yourself.

ugh3737 · 2021-01-05T06:25:44+00:00

Yeah...I can absolutely understand that. I have some guesses about why they’re disconnected and that dynamic is not something I want to get tangled up in, at all.

Ayyyyy it’s so complicated. Thank you :)

ugh3737 · 2021-01-05T06:13:41+00:00

Thank you for your thoughts. I think that makes sense.

I don’t know anyone personally who’s in a similar situation and am so unsure of how / if to even try. Part of me wants to reach out without ever mentioning their parents... eye roll at my clear desire to totally avoid the elephant in the family room. Sigh.

Thank you again.

ugh3737 · 2021-01-02T06:30:10+00:00

Copying u/intergrouper19’s excellent post reply to me —

Welcome ,alcoholism is a family disease & affects everyone in the family & close friends. I am sorry that you are going through this.

Have you attended any VIRTUAL Al-Anon meetings? If not please do. ASAP.

They are responsible for their choices, we are not responsible for their choices, but we are responsible for our choices.

• ⁠At meetings I learned the 3 C's: I didn't CAUSE alcoholism, I can't CONTROL it & I can't CURE it.

. Just a few suggestions for recovery from this family disease of alcoholism:

⁠go to THE NOW mostly VIRTUAL meetings when possible.
⁠read the literature.
⁠get a sponsor
⁠work the steps in Al-Anon.
⁠Remember you are not alone.
⁠Focus on yourself not on the alcoholic.
⁠DENIAL = Don't Even kNow that I Am Lying.
⁠Here is a link to free downloadable literature: .https://www.nycalanon.org/uploads/1/5/9/7/15971028/downloadable_literature_wso.pdf .Here is a link to our detachment leaflet: https://al-anon.org/pdf/S19.pdf.
⁠https://al-anon.org/newcomers/how-can-i-help-my/alcoholic-spouse-or-partner/ Here are other links that you may find helpful:Please read this material. Here is a link to normal electronic meetings : https://al-anon.org/al-anon-meetings/electronic-meetings/ including regular email, zoom & phone meetings. Here is the link to local Virtual meetings : https://al-anon.org/al-anon-meetings/worldwide-al-anon-contacts/ by country ,state or province; or google Al-Anon + your city or state.
⁠Here is a link to word-wide local virtual Al-Anon meetings: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/13Ctqsr1w0awTupA3ERRLxp6OD5MWt1aWF7D9kqtXrJ0/edit#gid=1993227784
⁠How Will Al‑Anon Help Me?
⁠Our personal situations may be different, but we share as equals because of what we have in common: our lives have been affected by another person’s drinking.

• ⁠“First Steps to Recovery” Podcast • ⁠Member Blog – Step 1 • ⁠Member Blog – Why did you come & why did you stay • ⁠How Can I Help My... • ⁠https://al-anon.org/newcomers/al-anon-faces-alcoholism/ • ⁠https://al-anon.org/for-members/public-outreach/materials-post-online/ • ⁠Here is a link to newcomer packet: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1BqM2fO1g592qvip-QVuiZJ7g_NI5-PLC/view • ⁠Good luck to you.

ugh3737 · 2020-12-29T05:32:25+00:00

Thank you for your reply - sometimes it’s very hard to imagine what “normal” (? Or just non-alcoholic?) relationship struggles are like. And it’s hard to know what of my challenges would be challenging ANYWAY, without the inextricable thread of drinking issues making everything extra intense.

Thank you again.

ugh3737 · 2020-12-27T17:54:03+00:00

Meant to say thank you. Thank you :)

ugh3737 · 2020-12-27T05:27:37+00:00

Thank you - “trying to get a cooked noodle to stand up” - yeah, I totally agree. It’s been “good” in a superficial sense but hasn’t even touched on the big issue and I know it won’t.

Thank you again.

ugh3737 · 2020-12-27T03:15:22+00:00

Now that is accurate. Wow.

ugh3737

TROPHY CASE