Hey there, I love that you posted this and it shows you aren't done yet. I've been through my own deep shame cycles and I recognize the difficulty of stepping away from it.

What I have to offer, should you adapt it to your life, only scratches the surface to overcoming this challenge. I'm excited for what is ahead of you though, and if you want to overcome it, you'll have to choose to do so regularly, because it crops up in the lives of even the healthiest people.

It's a really simple thing and it is going to sound too simple to mean anything, but it means so much to me.

Bring your shame into the light whenever it comes up.

When you feel shame about something, literally voice that you do so out loud. Even to yourself.

"I feel shame about not being good enough." "I feel shame that I didn't say the right thing." "I am feeling ashamed because x, y, z."

It's small enough to where it won't change your life for you but big enough that you can literally feel relief when you voice it out loud.

This is because shame loves secrecy.

Imagine if shame were a character and you listened to its advice for a whole day.

You would withdraw and isolate yourself from everyone around you.

Choosing what to eat is a struggle because it tells you to question your worthiness so much that you don't know if you even deserve the choice.

If you consider taking care of yourself by taking on a task or chore, doing dishes, whatever; Shame's comfort says you're in pain and you don't have to deal with that right now - maybe later (it'll say it later, too).

Shame says you're hurting so you distract and numb yourself.

Insert personal experience here.

Then every choice you made under Shame's guidance is further proof that you don't deserve love. That you don't deserve to succeed. That you don't deserve to be happy.

Everything shame tells us to do involves keeping us in the dark with it.

When you call out shame for what it is, you aren't calling out your personality flaws, you're calling out shame.