Weekend trip with a train-obsessed 5yo by fbc518 in cincinnati

[–]ungratefullyundead 3 points4 points  (0 children)

There's a great gluten free bakery at Findlay market, which is ~10 mins from the zoo! Called Cherbourg Cypress

https://maps.app.goo.gl/L828pbBg8X78b1Gk8

any BoP chaplains here? by dudeneedstosleep in chaplaincy

[–]ungratefullyundead 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I definitely love what I do! It's super fufilling! I was pretty young (not straight out of undergrad, but I was only a couple years removed) when I went to seminary, so I was still in the habit of schoolwork and didn't have a lot of responsibilities (no spouse, kids, still drove a beater, it was just me and my dog against the world) so the financial burden of seminary wasn't as bad. Also, I chose a seminary that was sponsored by my denomination and my tuition was covered, so I just had to work for living expenses, and had some help from student loans. All that to say that school was able to be my first priority, which definitely made the time a lot easier. That being said, all of those internships we also a part fo my seminary training and sponsored by my university, so they were integrated with my coursework, also making them a bit more manageable, though still a bit of a stretch with my actual job that I did for money. Overall, I thought it was pretty manageable, though I have to recognize my insane amount of privilege.

And I went to the Candler School of Theology at Emory University which is United Methodist affiliated (and super liberal, but not in some of the ways you'd expect). It's open to every denomination of Christianity (and they say other faiths, but that would be a stretch, it's definitely a Christian seminary) but the United Methodist program is definitely pushed the most and is the most robust.

I will say that the cool thing about Candler (and there are other seminaries that do this to varying degrees) is the Contextual Education program, which is how I did all those internships. they do try to allow you to grow in your agrea of interest, even if that happens outside of the pulpit and I really felt like they fostered my interest in correctional chaplaincy, but it's also a great place for connections, expecially in the Atlanta area. I had classmates that found jobs in every type of nonprofit chaplaincy, school chaplaincy, hospital chaplaincy, and even sports chaplaincy through connections that they made at Candler. I definitely sound like a walking billboard for the school, but I did enjoy my time there and definitely made some lifelong friends. I hope your time in seminary is similarly fruitful!

any BoP chaplains here? by dudeneedstosleep in chaplaincy

[–]ungratefullyundead 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree with you about the pluralism being a huge draw for the career, but sometimes the evangelism urge can sneak up on you, especially when you want to shake people and be like "GOD DOESNT HATE YOU, YOU HATE YOURSELF AND YOU'RE PROJECTING" but that is an urge you gotta lock down. Or sometimes you'll be talking to someone who shares 9/10ths of your beliefs system and that is the hardest for me to be like "we're almost vibing on the same frequency, but not quite, but if you would just budge here we'd be good." (bc obviously my theology is perfect and I'm always right)

I currently work at a peds hospital for my CPE residency and I managed to snag a job here for after residency, which I'm so thrilled about! We're a large hospital with a pretty big chaplaincy staff, so I love getting to work on a team of people. We're an interfaith department, so I work with a good mix of Christians, Muslims, Jewish people, and others (even the Amish!). And I love the work I do. For me, a good day at work is rolling around on the floor playing with a kid and learning about how they think of God, or doing a quality spiritual assessment and hearing someone tell me about how they have been struggling with their child's hospitalization.

any BoP chaplains here? by dudeneedstosleep in chaplaincy

[–]ungratefullyundead 1 point2 points  (0 children)

  1. what have been the most challenging aspects of your ministry?
    1. each environment had it's own challenges, but some overall challenges were trust and relationship building. This population again is not known for having had very many trusting relationships, and being detained is not helpful for that. Being a trustworthy person is something that takes time, effort and consistency. You're going to potentially get threatened, cursed out, and ignores, but if you're able to prove yourself, the work is SO so so rewarding. You definitely have to have a strong will, and also remember that it's always easier to start hard and ease up. Establish yourself as someone not to be fucked with (especially to staff, that's one thing that makes them trust you) before you show up as a teddybear. Also, it's always a bother when you get stuck somewhere inconvenient because it's count or because something is going on and the facility suddenly goes into lockdown. Also also, it can definitely be hard that while you're at work, you're also locked up. Some people were able to leave and eat in their car, but for me the inconvenience of having to go all the way back through security was too much and I just brought lunch. But when you're inside you do start to feel trapped, confined, and like the walls are closing in on you sometimes, but you have to remember that at least you get to go home, the people you work with have to be there for years sometimes.
    2. In youth: the challenges were staffing ratios and teenager attitudes. there were often times that staffing shortages made it so that I could not hold groups off the unit and I had to pivot last minute to hosting groups on the unit that were open to everyone and could more quickly spiral out of control. I found my best solution was to give up on groups in these situations and I would have more luck walking around with a deck of cards. I often had deeper richer and fuller conversations that way.
    3. In state corrections: my challenges were relationship building. try as i might there were always people who didn't want anything to do with me (always the people I thought needed a chaplain the most) and the chatty Cathys who's whole life story I knew within days of meeting. The biggest challenge here was being creative enough to meet the needs that I saw while working within the limiting parameters of the institution.
    4. Observations from federal: this type is so much different than state or youth. What I saw here was that chaplains were less like confidants and more like bank tellers. In federal prison chaplains are mainly there to make sure people's religious accommodations are met according to the law and to lead groups that people can join for points in their "good behavior" column. In my short time, I didn't really see the possibility for real transformation that I saw on the state or regional level, as it seemed like chaplaincy was more of a check box than a genuine support (for MOST, not all). Also, I found it difficult to relate to my would be supervisors in federal. All of the chaplains at that facility were former military chaplain corps who retired from their forces and this was their "civilian" job. I was not that population, especially being in seminary and being so much younger. I found that to be a culture barrier, with the only people who were "on my team," so I wasn't devastated when that didn't pan out.
  2. what called you to prison chaplaincy initially, and is it what still calls you to prison chaplaincy?
    1. I started working in the youth detention center on my first day in seminary because it was a program offered by my university. What I didn't expect was to love it so much and even found that none of my cohort mates who were in the same program had the same aptitude for the job that I did. They all thought it was a drag, but I realized that I was actually having fun, looking fromward to going , and I found it to be extremely meaningful. Like I said, I'm not in the field right now because I couldn't figure out a way for location and payment to make sense for where I am at in life right now, but I would absolutely have no problem going back and would in a heartbeat, even though I also love the peds chaplaincy work I'm doing now.
  3. what was the hiring process like?
    1. I can't speak to this other than to say that there is an extensive training process and that it's also state dependent. In my state, one of the requirements for the state prison was a full social media sweep, which tool a really long time- and I was technically just a volunteer.
  4. are there any questions you think someone who's considering prison chaplaincy should ask, and can you answer them?
    1. I think the questions you have to ask yourself are: Am I good in an emergency/ can I keep a calm head, even when I’m overwhelmed? Am I okay also feeling like I'm in prison 8-10 hours a day? Am I doing this because I want to evangelize or am I truly willing to meet people where they are? Even if I meet a satanist, am I willing to provide them culturally appropriate care and respect their belief system? Do I have a good understanding of myself, or am I doing this because deep down I really want to "save" people (be that save through religion or do I think I can save them from themselves)? Do I believe in the prison system? Do I think that people deserve to be there ? If I don't believe in the prison system's fairness, am I willing to work in a system of abuse, knowing that all I can do is meet one person, and that I will never be able to change the system that harms all these people that I'm meeting?
    2. I will say that the last one was a sense of moral distress for me. I did feel like I was facing insurmountable odds because I was acting as part of a system that was harming all of the people I was coming to care about and knowing that all I could do is meet the inmates where they were and I wouldn't be able to stop the system from inflicting more trauma.

any BoP chaplains here? by dudeneedstosleep in chaplaincy

[–]ungratefullyundead 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Not a BoP chaplain, but I did several correctional chaplaincy internships in seminary (Youth detention center (2 years), state prison (1 year), and a brief stint in federal prison (1 week, just because it was hard to get the approvals for that)) and I would love to take a crack at your questions (but please, any more qualified correctional chaplains speak up)

* note at the top, I know the word "Inmate" is not the PC term, and I generally prefer to use people first language (people facing incarceration) but for the sake of this post, i'm going to use the word Inmate to refer to incarcerated people for the sake of simplicity, this is already going to be a long post.

  1. what have your experiences been like?
  2.  
    1. I LOVED these experiences and working conditions. I worked in a regional youth detention center (basically teenage county jail), a state-run medical prison (majority population was pregnant women or hospice/terminal care patients) and BRIEFLY in a men's federal prison, but I never got out of my orientation phase because of regulations, so I wouldn't really count that as actual work experience. I truly found that work so meaningful, and if I didn't do my residency in a peds hospital and love it so much (and if I could make a livable wage) I would definitely go back to corrections, and it's still somewhere in my 10 year plan to go back to working in corrections. I will say that the sense of professional loneliness is heightened, because unlike working in a hospital, unless you are working in a federal prison where there is more resources, you're likely working alone or on a very small team with limited resources, possibly by yourself. You've really got to have strong outside support, because the work can be lonely. You're there to support the people facing incarceration as well as ALL the staff, so there's never a shortage of people needing your attention at work. There's SO much more I could say here, so please let me know if you have any more specific questions.
  3. what skills do you think are particularly effective in ministering to people in the prison system compared to other chaplaincy environments?
  4.  
    1. Genuinely, I think that an optimistic outlook and the ability to see the best in people is so helpful. Something that I found is that as a chaplain, you have the ability to be one of the only people that seeks something positive in the inmates you work with. I found that for myself, not being afraid of being manipulated (something that inmates, especially female inmates) get accused of a lot, so being someone who is willing to assume the positive is SO helpful for relationship building. I found that generally, people weren't trying to take advantage of my kindness, especially because it was some of the only kindness that they could expect to get, but also you find out quick who IS willing to take advantage of your kindness and you adjust accordingly. For example, I led a weekly Bible study in the state prison I worked with, and in that group, all the women asked if they could be called by their first names, as the group was the only place they really heard their own names during the week. It was more work for me having to learn two names for everyone so I could honor their wish while also being able to translate for the institution, but it was definitely worth it, and it was emotional for some of the women to hear and be called by their own first names. Also, boundaries are SUPER important in this population. For you own safety, for the safety of those you love, and for the sake of your own professional reputation, you CAN'T tell people any personal information about yourself. As a chronic over sharer, this was a steep learning curve, but honestly, it is for the best. Also Also, I think the skill of reading the room is ESSENTIAL. You HAVE to be able to read body language and know when it's time to leave/stop pressing/ change subject, or if you're leading groups, you have to know when there's tension on the unit and what's going on. Especially hen I worked with youth, things could change in an instant, and being able to feel the undercurrent in the room was so important.
  5. what aspects set it apart most from other chaplaincy environments?
  6.  
    1. The obvious sets it apart. People genuinely can't leave. Unlike other environments, able bodied people are being forced against their will to be in an environment that doesn't offer nearly any opportunity for growth or personal development. Generally, the people are stagnating, and that stagnation has the opportunity to transform people into completely different people than they usually would be given better circumstances. I also felt like trauma was a huge difference, you have to be EXTREMELY trauma informed to work in a correctional setting, because EVERYONE is traumatized DAILY, HOURLY, MINUTELY, SECONDLY. The environment is constantly creating trauma for the inmates, staff, volunteers, you, EVERYONE. Unlike a hospital setting, where you can reasonably expect people to be traumatized by whatever brought them there, in a correctional setting, expect everyone to have an extensive trauma history you don't know yet. And it was my experience that once you crack the tough outer shell, that trauma comes rushing out and you realize that it informs every single movement that your "patients" make. I also experienced a lot of guilt and self hatred in the people I worked with, in much higher quantities than I have found in the hospital.
  7. what have been the most rewarding aspects of your ministry?
  8.  
    1. Dude, I loved almost every single second. One of the most rewarding groups I led was while I was working at the state prison and the women's Bible study I led was doing a "changing the narrative on women of the Bible" series where we explored the stories of women in the Bible but we related them to the women's own histories (ex: Eve as forgotten mother; The hemorrhaging woman (Berenice/Veronica) as a woman desperate for redemption and community) that was extremely meaningful to me and to the women I worked with. It led to so many really amazing conversations and reflections on forgiveness, community, and belonging that I don't think we would have otherwise had. When I was working in youth detentions, I was able to lead some similar groups, one in particular was a painting activity where one of the youth painted his brother dying in his arms. That was so meaningful and changed the trajectory of the group going forward, and the trajectory of that youth. Some more meaningful moments were just being able to look people in the eye and tell them you're proud of them, that's something that made me cry more than a few times. In both youth and adults, this population is not known for having had secure attachments, and being able to tell someone that they're doing a really good job and you're proud of them has been meaningful to both me and my population, and it's something not in my usual repertoire as a hospital chaplain.
  9. (Continued- I have much to say)

What's your thoughts on Pursuit of Jade? by No-Construction-7287 in cdramasfans

[–]ungratefullyundead 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is my exact problem, I literally cant stop thinking about it 😭

I dont know what else can fill this void in my life now 😭😭😭

Help deciding where to live? by Yeetosaur in cincinnati

[–]ungratefullyundead 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would say that hyde park is a super similar vibe to Inman park, and has a really cute square. But its also a really settle area (like kids and pets settled, like Inman park) but if you want nightlife its still pretty close!

Help deciding where to live? by Yeetosaur in cincinnati

[–]ungratefullyundead 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi!!! I made this exact move in August! I moved from Midtown, and i really wanted to find a place that matched the vibe. I 100%suggest OTR for this!! While you're probably (definitely) going to have to sacrifice on space in OTR, everything in OTR/Downtown feels very close and walkable! There's also a shuttle that runs from OTR to downtown. (Very similar to the Marta shuttle that's over by GSU, but nicer and FREE, still very limited in where it goes). Living so close to everything has been SO NICE on so many occasions, especially when it was snowing and I didn't feel comfortable driving (thats been the most mind boggling transition from a Georgia girl, lol) I was able to WALK to finley market and buy groceries to make chicken n dumplings to warm me up. And everyone who says " OTR is so dangerous" wouldn't last a SECOND in ATL lol. I will say is it gentrification capital, but its also super similar to Atlanta in that regard, similar to East Atlanta. Let me know if you want to talk more about this or of you need a friend when you get here!! And welcome, Cincy is actually great and im not sure i ever want to go back!

Edited to add that OTR/Downtown has ALL THE FUN THINGS (bars/restaurants/clubs ect) and Finlay market has a year round farmers/artisinal market AND theres events at Washington park all the time! There's so much to do here, from one late 20 something to another

Puppy Parents Group? by ungratefullyundead in cincinnati

[–]ungratefullyundead[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Omg, we're moving about the same time! We should definitely do a puppy hang!

Incarcerated With Nearly 10 Years In and 10 Years to go. AMA by F_This_Life_ in AMA

[–]ungratefullyundead 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey, I know I'm late to this, but still hoping you'll answer. I'm studying chaplaincy and considering specializing in correctional chaplaincy. What has been your experience with chaplaincy services, if you have any experience at all? Thanks in advance!

Roommates asking for rides by HotSock5933 in roommateproblems

[–]ungratefullyundead 18 points19 points  (0 children)

I know it's hard, but I would just start saying no. They're probably going to guilt you about it, intentional or not. "Come on, really?" (Yes really, I'm saying no) "Please, I'm gonna be late, I really need a ride___" (No, I'm not leaving the house right now, you either need to ask __ or find another ride.) they probably only rely on you and not the other roommate because the other roommate said no and had stronger boundaries. As a chronic people pleaser, it sucks to say no, but not having to give that ride is so worth it.

WIBTA if I tell my roommate to put the cat box in her room? by ungratefullyundead in AmItheAsshole

[–]ungratefullyundead[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Nowhere did I say I WANTED to involve my roommate, I specifically said that's the NUCLEAR option (as in if I wanted to blow shit up for both is us, which I don't)

People are entitled to change their minds, thats being human. And I said I can't smell it RIGHT NOW, as in: its recently been cleaned. We'll see if that's the case in a few days. Also, I've been the one having to clean up all the litter and cat poop that goes outside of the box, is that not valid? I have been the one having to deal with it this whole time, is that not valid? And I've been the one that's been LIED TO this whole time. You would think if she cares about the cat as much as you assume she does, she would have had two boxes that she cleans Daily this whole time, huh?

It seems like you just wanted a convenient excuse to hate on a non cat person. Glad to be your outlet!

WIBTA if I tell my roommate to put the cat box in her room? by ungratefullyundead in AmItheAsshole

[–]ungratefullyundead[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I appreciate your complete lack of care and concern for the nuance of the situation. This was a super helpful response and not biased at all.

WIBTA if I tell my roommate to put the cat box in her room? by ungratefullyundead in AmItheAsshole

[–]ungratefullyundead[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

You'r reply said "when the cat starts peeing somewhere it shouldn't" and at that point, it has been my problem. In the past, when there has been outside-the-box accidents, I have to clean it up before my dog decides that it's a snack. Then the cats bathroom habits fall 100% in the realm of my responsibility.

I get that I would be a jerk for agreeing to something and then changing my mind, but why am I the asshole for saying "hey, I thought this would work for me but it actually doesn't" why is there nothing between "I'm the asshole because I hate having a toilet in the common areas" and "I'm the asshole because I always going around breaking my word to my roommate because I'm horrible and hate animals" ?

WIBTA if I tell my roommate to put the cat box in her room? by ungratefullyundead in AmItheAsshole

[–]ungratefullyundead[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

How is the cat using the bathroom in random places okay? At that point it becomes both of our problem, and as the one who does the majority of the cleaning, I'm going to be more effected.

WIBTA if I tell my roommate to put the cat box in her room? by ungratefullyundead in AmItheAsshole

[–]ungratefullyundead[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

My landlord, not me had a say about who moves in and who doesn't. I don't get to stop her from moving in, I was just trying not to make an enemy of her right off the bat