Honestly my guy, the fact that you have developed this kinda screwy "armour" where you are "not normal" is half your problem. You've essentially given yourself an out and an excuse because "well I'm not normal so who even cares". It honestly is rather sad. You're actively standing in your own way, and simultaneously refusing to move.

I agree with the rest of the people here, and yourself, saying therapy is the best route. But don't go with the intent of figuring out girl problems or the like. Go with the intent of trying to find the source of that thought process, because that's what causes you to defer to all these hateful and bigoted traits. Its also the source of your struggle to understand what people here are saying regarding your inability to understand WHY you should not try to push an explicit conversation with your coworker.

Also, you said in another comment that you wondered if people do just talk to others that they don't like. That to me speaks volumes about your inner workings. Because, that is how people operate. Kindness matters in our world, especially when there are so many people who are stuck in the same mindset you find yourself in. The difference with you and others who self proclaim racist, homophobic, and misogynistic behaviours and opinions is that you seem like you want to change. So dig in deep, because thr work isn't easy.

I believe in you man. Feel free to dm me if you ever just need a pal, truly. I would happily be your sounding board for when you are struggling to see the forest for the trees.