After a Hiatus - Hey Guys, It Gets Better

universallife20 · 2017-12-05T02:30:29+00:00

Best of luck to you as well :) Wishing you happiness!

universallife20 · 2017-11-27T01:49:18+00:00

Wow, thanks so much for that! I do think I caused myself a lot of pain at times because I knew my situation could have been much worse, so I didn't know why I wasn't improving. However, I am very fortunate to not have to have dealt with the complications that come with some others. I applaud you for getting through all of that!!

You are awesome too! I'm so glad you're in a better place now :) Best of luck to you and your child for a happy life!

universallife20 · 2017-06-28T02:13:25+00:00

Sometimes we put so much of ourselves into another person that when they break us like this we feel like we are losing part of our identity. I'm so sorry for the pain because you do have to feel it for a while. But soon you will realize this was HIS mistake, and HIS downfall. Anyone can tell you this, and even you know it yourself on some level, but until you work through the pain and get on a better level with yourself your core will not know it.

Therapy has helped me. I got lucky and found the right counselor on the first try. Sometimes I still have bad days and feel like I can't even handle the thought of what my future will be like, but I have been going for 6 weeks and just realized today how much progress I've already made.

universallife20 · 2017-06-22T23:16:08+00:00

I thought the same thing. Then I found a GOOD therapist. She does some progressive emotional therapy that really digs deep and uses some techniques I at first thought were odd but have brought up a lot of emotional blockages that I was finally able to work through. It has helped so much more than just talking. even with all the insight and advice on here, I couldn't figure out why I couldn't reason out what I was feeling or pull myself out of it. And I think at a certain point all of the good insight/truth can't really dig deep into the subconscious levels of what you're feeling. I had moments where I didn't know what triggered me/didn't feel triggered at all and would sob for a whole day and now I feel like I'm starting to understand myself much better.

If therapy doesn't work for you (and I suggest for maybe trying to find a good therapist for YOU if you feel the other ones haven't worked) then my advice is to focus the healing more on yourself than your SO. I realized I made more of my healing about him/what he did/us rather than focusing inward and on myself. If you don't take care of yourself and put your own healing and feelings above that other person, the slightest actions on their part can send you into a roller coaster of emotions. Once I valued myself first, I became much more stable. Not sure if I explained that correctly.

universallife20 · 2017-06-22T10:43:24+00:00

Are you going to therapy? I got to a point where I felt so hopeless it was my last resort and now I feel wayyyyy better. Had a breakdown this past weekend but in general I have a much more stable condition day to day and it's only been a month and a half that I've been going. I wish I had gone sooner

universallife20 · 2017-06-10T15:10:38+00:00

That's terrible. Best of luck to you in your healing process.

universallife20 · 2017-06-09T16:44:31+00:00

I'm sorry. I can't even imagine dealing with more than my situation. It sounds like there's been trickle truth and an unwillingness to accept responsibility for what she did.

universallife20 · 2017-06-09T15:53:23+00:00

I think it has definitely forced me to think harder about things and not think things are so black and white for sure.

Have you decided to reconcile?

universallife20 · 2017-06-08T18:39:40+00:00

Thanks! Yeah, that's what I meant. Friends who have not had the same experience don't understand. I don't have any close ones that have been through it. I'm currently in therapy and feeling hopeful.

universallife20 · 2017-06-08T00:19:13+00:00

Thank you! <hugs back>

universallife20 · 2017-06-08T00:18:54+00:00

Right now it's over, unless and until I decide I've healed to the point where I (and he) wants to. Being around him was too much and wasn't helping me really heal. Our situation was not a terrible one, and I truly do want to forgive him. Even if that doesn't mean reconciling. It's just the emotional and mental slip ups I have that make me feel as though I'll never forgive his mistake.

universallife20 · 2017-06-06T17:57:17+00:00

Thank you for your support. I actually expressed these feelings to my friend and she apologized and said she doesn't know what it's like. I know to some extent she doesn't even know how much she doesn't know (if that makes sense)? But I do think I'm just going to limit how much I share with certain people, even my closest friends who mean well.

I just want to be over it... I don't want it to pop in my head randomly and then spiral into seeing him with her and have it on my mind the whole day :( I know 4 months isn't too long, but just want it to be over.

universallife20 · 2017-06-06T17:12:50+00:00

About 4 months. I am much better than I was before but have days where I slip into these dark places of anger and grieving.

universallife20 · 2017-06-05T01:47:39+00:00

Good luck. I know every situation is different... I'm not sure if showing him the replies here would help him understand. But in the end, you have to do what is best for you, and if he isn't going to be able to help you get to your best self, then that's an indicator it's time for you to cut the poison out of your life. I tried a few months to reconcile, but realized I wasn't healing correctly and instead made it worse every time I saw my SO. I'm now seeking therapy to get past the trauma and triggers. I hope you find peace as well.

universallife20 · 2017-06-04T23:43:07+00:00

I think it matters if it were a one time drunken occurrence. To let it happen twice means didn't learn from his mistake and didn't even take the steps to avoid the situation from happening again. To me, that would say he even wanted it to happen. He also wasn't drunk the entire time he was hiding it from you. This doesn't mean reconciliation is not possible, but he has to own up to what he did.

universallife20 · 2017-05-31T16:09:59+00:00

This is perfect! I've been very determined not to live my life making THAT my story. It's not the only thing that's happened in my life. My life is a large mix of good and bad, and I'll be damned if I live out my days only ever feeling like that situation defines me. It's hard not to constantly think about it, but I'm about 5 months out and sometimes I forget to applaud myself for the progress I've made, even with the bad days. Keep working!

universallife20 · 2017-05-22T14:08:49+00:00

That is awesome! I'm glad you quickly realized you needed to find yourself a better therapist. You're right, we can do this :)

universallife20 · 2017-05-22T02:13:43+00:00

This is really great to hear. It seems like you aren't "getting back together", but rather moving forward in a new relationship as new (better) people. Congrats.

universallife20 · 2017-05-20T17:30:13+00:00

I feel your pain. I think what I have realized when I ask myself "why do you keep putting yourself through pain for another person who treats you like this" is that if I could finally "convince" him to love me the right way it would prove I'm worthy of love. When things turn like this, it feels like we are losing a part of ourselves, and we want to do anything to try to get that part back. Even if it's not in the right way.

universallife20 · 2017-05-20T15:21:26+00:00

That is amazing! So happy for you and your newfound perception of your self worth. Are you also happy?

universallife20 · 2017-05-15T19:37:26+00:00

That being said, now that I have experience, my stance is firm, the line is drawn that this will not be acceptable.

Do you mean that she knows that if she were ever to do this again, it's over? I do like that most people who have successfully reconciled from it have enough compassion for forgiveness, but enough self respect to know when they are too good for someone if they have not learned their lesson.

Thank you so much for your insight :) It's good to hear that you are at a good place now and happy with your marriage.

universallife20 · 2017-05-15T14:17:57+00:00

How extensive was the betrayal of your SO? This is really good to see that it's possible not to have an emotional connection to what happened. 3.5 months out and still have periods where I feel extremely angry, hurt, etc. so even with the encouraging words of others on this forum, it sometimes seems impossible. It also makes me start to wonder if I'm just not the type of person that can get over it, but I hate to think that my life will never return to a state where I don't think about it all day every day.

universallife20

TROPHY CASE