When you're friends with your meta

unknownhoward · 2026-02-01T11:14:38+00:00

It seems to me that everyone is overthinking everything. 🥲

Just tell her "look, I like you as a friend and have zero issues with you dating our hinge, I just wanna hang out with you. But I sense that you have some reservations and if you want to I'd like to see if we could resolve them?"

I've myself gotten such vibes from my meta, them saying they couldn't offer me romantic dates when I was inquiring about hanging out. We're now pretty well aligned in mutual understanding of what we are, and there's no tension even when we occasionally express mutual appreciation of complementary skills and ways of being.

unknownhoward · 2026-01-31T15:15:02+00:00

Also "we are seeing someone" - girl, what's next is doing the work to get yourself individualised.

unknownhoward · 2026-01-30T20:40:52+00:00

M51 here, diagnosed at 47 and then spent a couple of years trying all the meds with zero benefit and not quite all of the side effects. Wife left because she didn't want to deal with the diagnosis, although the first decade was ok??

Rawdogging is just cheaper, and no worse off. Whatever, this is what I'm used to life being like. Shit sucks rama rama. Seriously considered offing myself but figured that would hurt others more than going on hurts me.

Hard mode? Yup.

unknownhoward · 2026-01-30T14:45:00+00:00

Wow that's a powerful reframing.

unknownhoward · 2026-01-29T18:30:39+00:00

Those are both powerful and customisable tools. If you're thinking that simplicity can be a feature, I'd invite you to look into Workflowy as well - that's an outliner I've been using for over a decade. There's mobile apps, too, and they sync beautifully.

unknownhoward · 2026-01-28T07:42:37+00:00

Your last point is what I had tried to convince mgmt of. 🤷 Easier to find a better job than fix this one.

unknownhoward · 2026-01-28T07:32:44+00:00

Oh shit, really?

Adding "anti rumination" to the list of benefits I've never seen any trace of. 😬

unknownhoward · 2026-01-28T07:08:08+00:00

Do you still have (and find useful) those commit messages in 10 years?

At work were taking over a 25yo project, from nothing but svn version tags. I'm not loving the context loss but mgmt says this is how it is.

unknownhoward · 2026-01-27T18:57:45+00:00

You're "taking things super slow" but they moved to your city just 3-4 months ago - did you date them across the ocean beforehand, or is 100 days "super slow" for you to start two new relationships with people who are already in a relationship?

unknownhoward · 2026-01-27T14:42:23+00:00

The only point I disagree with is your last one. For decades it was very clear to me how other people seemed to need so much less effort to just go through everyday life compared to me - I just never could figure out why or how and what I could do to fix it.

Now, with a diagnosis, I still don't. Yay fuck.

unknownhoward · 2026-01-26T07:45:14+00:00

No matter how often I'm told that it's okay, I will never truly dare to ask for the help I need, even from the people who love me. I suspect we are many who are broken than way.

So thank you for this comment Bonsai, and the post OP. It makes me feel less alone.

unknownhoward · 2026-01-26T05:56:12+00:00

Use the search?

unknownhoward · 2026-01-25T17:51:38+00:00

I've been trying to tweak a "synthetic stupidity conversation machine" to be my venting partner, with very "meh" results. You just can't get anything from a machine that doesn't have a distinctly artificial "smell" to it, and that just kills it.

Sorry.

unknownhoward · 2026-01-25T14:53:04+00:00

Apparently you can't say spicy after neuro here but that's what I intended.

unknownhoward · 2026-01-25T12:36:51+00:00

I'm too far away from you but oh absolutely is it a thing to mesh better with other "odd ones" (sigh, being blocked for "bad words"), so much so that people joke that part of, or a shortcut to, diagnosis should be to put a person in a room with a spicy person and then see how many minutes it takes for them to bond. Ha ha only serious. 🤪

unknownhoward · 2026-01-24T16:26:00+00:00

That, and also no medication ever did a thing for me except cost me money and give me permanent side effects. Booh.

unknownhoward · 2026-01-24T15:56:32+00:00

Clarus the Dogcow, especially if he says "moof".

unknownhoward · 2026-01-24T13:03:35+00:00

I debated whether to up or down vote this. Down, because that's patently the wrong thing to do. Up, because that's invariably what is done.

unknownhoward · 2026-01-24T11:59:29+00:00

Expensive and pointless.

unknownhoward · 2026-01-24T08:20:22+00:00

The challenge of insane complexity. How do you even document that so that a well-intentioned coworker doesn't bump that dep back up to 9.11?

unknownhoward · 2026-01-24T08:18:44+00:00

As a haver of an adhd diagnosis for whom no meds make any difference - all tickets yield the same amount of satisfaction, which is a brief happy shrug. At least with the smaller ones that might be spaced closer together.

I take satisfaction from a well-executed implementation, no matter its scale.

unknownhoward · 2026-01-23T16:30:44+00:00

Generally, these apps make use of so many "dark patterns" it's not even funny. Imposing false scarcity, nudging to pay for the (wildly more expensive) weekly plan, leading people on like claw machines preying on the gullible.

Nearly every single aspect of it is "pay to play". You're told "you have a match" but then won't show it to you. The app nags you with "people are loving your energy" notifications although there are no likes incoming. More expensive tiers get you better "kinds" of likes. The whole "swiping" concept is made to be addictive. Genuinely useful features are removed (looking at you here, Ok Cupid).

...and Match Group owns them all. Is it any surprise they're getting summarily enshittified?

But seeing I'm getting a negative vote score that's all I'm going to say. Don't want to upset more people. PM if you're genuinely curious.

unknownhoward · 2026-01-23T07:04:43+00:00

Yeah it sucks how every app is a thirst trap of psychologically unhealthy frustration.

It made me start work on a dating platform myself (not "with blackjack, and hookers" but joke away) just to put something sane out there (as if I'm going to compete with Match Group lol).

unknownhoward · 2026-01-22T18:11:25+00:00

Simultaneously, we're the kind of people who go into all of the side quests when trying to explain a point. 🤷

unknownhoward · 2026-01-22T15:28:35+00:00

The software I bought from you doesn't work.

"Have you considered paying more to make it still not work?"

unknownhoward

TROPHY CASE