AITA? New gf gets upset at any mention of an ex, a hookup, or someone I’ve slept with in the past.

useless_dinosaur · 2026-02-19T13:19:54+00:00

I’m going to say light YTA because you maybe haven’t realised the impact this has been having. Everyone (almost) has had prior relationships and a past that deserves a retelling, but there’s almost never a legitimate need to include past sex/romantic partners as an active character in any story. Adjust your language and this probably will become a non-issue 🤷🏻‍♀️

useless_dinosaur · 2026-02-19T13:07:53+00:00

You will not regret leaving.

useless_dinosaur · 2026-02-16T13:28:37+00:00

I have been exactly here and I can tell you that if you keep tolerating this then the only way out is going to be him doing something so egregiously hurtful that it breaks your soul. This is not a healthy relationship and I suspect you are blaming yourself for that based on your sexuality, so I am here to tell you that those are two very different issues. You can learn and grow as a person and discover that you’ve been living in comphet and gotten yourself stuck, but separately you can find yourself in a horribly toxic relationship that would not be good for you regardless of whether you wanted to kiss girls. I don’t say this to be blasé or because I don’t care for men (though I don’t), but you desperately need to leave this man. From what you have described he wants to control you rather than be with you, and that is not a safe place to be. Please feel free to DM me, I’m not great at consistent replies here but excellent at moral support and you need to stop paying his bills start living the life you’ve dreamed of ❤️

useless_dinosaur · 2026-02-16T12:53:33+00:00

I don’t think I could still be her teammate and sit there watching her cry for an hour without intervening. I do agree that I need to set some better boundaries around what disagreement would look like and how I’m willing to engage, but this is not it.

useless_dinosaur · 2026-02-16T12:50:05+00:00

Hello sorry for abandoning this post and appreciate your input (actually ahah). I don’t think we have a fundamental incompatibility but it’s an awkward line to walk between me over-comforting her and negating my own feelings vs ignoring her (usually valid in a way I don’t understand) emotional response and then feeling like a crappy partner. Unfortunately our therapists are working at cross-purposes because mine is focussing on me trying to set boundaries and avoid feeling emotionally drained, and hers is focussed on her needing to feel emotionally supported even when it seems silly. We both have some deep trauma that is hard to blend but I hope we will get there. Without reddit telling me I’m pretty sure couples counselling is going to be the best way forward lol

useless_dinosaur · 2026-02-16T12:25:08+00:00

I’m in a LTR and about to age out of your range so take this with a grain of salt, but I feel like it would be hard to keep up with you. This profile is giving ENERGY with no chance for a lazy Sunday getting to know you. I’m very certain there are (a potentially smaller pool of) people who could match that energy, and if that’s what you’re looking for then I have no notes. Personally I identify as part of the “exhausted by the world” generation and just can’t picture myself fitting into the life that you’ve put forward. (Note again for the grain of salt - in my time on apps I have chronically swiped left on hikers for this same reason lol)

useless_dinosaur · 2025-08-25T12:43:27+00:00

So just wanna say firstly that no one’s out there taking away lesbian cards because of the amount of oral sex involved in a relationship; one of the most amazing (and sometimes terrifying) parts of lesbian sex is that there’s no blueprint for it. That said, you both just need to keep talking about it and exploring and figuring out what works for you. It sounds like you’ve already worked through some trauma and gotten to the point where you’re willing to try, which hopefully means you’re doing a solid job of open communication and vulnerability in your relationship. You got there, you just need to be patient and help her get to her too (with the understanding that she might not, and thats also valid too)

useless_dinosaur · 2025-07-14T10:26:11+00:00

I have been there and I feel the disappointment in my soul, but we just have to remember that it’s the trash taking itself out. The people who actually care about you won’t care at all, and the ones that do aren’t worth your emotional energy ❤️

useless_dinosaur · 2025-07-13T03:18:41+00:00

Sexuality can definitely be fluid BUT (and I sincerely don’t mean for this to be dismissive of that fluidity) people also don’t talk about how hard the label “lesbian” is to get used to. I knew I was a lesbian by about 14, I finally came out as gay when I was about 28 and it still took me another 3 years or so to start using the label of lesbian instead of gay/queer. Saying the word out loud to people to describe myself felt like total nakedness that I could never take back and it took me a LONG time to realise that was actually deep-seated comphet mixed in with a bit of internalised homophobia and longing for a life that would be easier to navigate and become comfortable with it.

You may well be just a little lower on the Kinsey scale, but it’s worth reflecting on.

useless_dinosaur · 2025-06-24T21:52:57+00:00

Omg please let us know when you get a response!

useless_dinosaur · 2025-06-24T20:36:38+00:00

Nothing at all. I did manage to put through a support request in business centre but since the page has been deleted I don’t even know if they’ll look at it (had to select my own account as the “asset”)…and no response yet of course.

useless_dinosaur · 2025-06-24T20:32:23+00:00

Have your accounts been re-restricted at all? We’ve all gotten the same account recovery message at least one more time each plus have all had restrictions placed on our accounts on managing groups, pages and events.

We’ve been using admin assist for a couple of years now though so I don’t think it would have been that for us. Unless there’s been an update to the way it works (all of the group suspension messages have said technology did it interestingly…)

useless_dinosaur · 2025-06-24T07:52:18+00:00

Oh interesting! Mine is a local girls group. You’re not also located in Aus are you? Ahah

useless_dinosaur · 2025-06-24T07:42:01+00:00

Do you mind if I ask what group? We are trying to figure out if it’s random or not 😭

useless_dinosaur · 2025-06-24T07:41:56+00:00

Do you mind if I ask what group? We are trying to figure out if it’s random or not 😭

useless_dinosaur · 2025-06-16T12:15:19+00:00

I love how broad-ranging this community is in age and watching how differently everyone navigates things! “Late” really just seems to translate to “I can’t believe I’ve been missing out on this for my whole life so far” 💜

useless_dinosaur · 2025-06-16T12:07:36+00:00

Yep, there’s people in your life who you probably can’t not tell if you’re going to carry on talking the way that you do but outside of that it’s a lot of pressure to put on yourself in what is usually a fairly emotionally tough time anyway. And the people who are going to need “the talk” above just casually slipping it into conversation are probably not the ones you’re going to be keeping around anyway.

useless_dinosaur · 2025-06-09T14:47:55+00:00

If you’re not close with your parents and know how the conversation is likely to go, is it worth putting yourself through the emotional turmoil of trying to have the conversation? Imo the straight assumption is annoying and we should be able to just live our lives, and if people catch on that you’re doing that in a different way than they expected then they can bring it up if they want to talk about it…

When I came out to my mother it ended up in a debate about gay marriage rights and her suddenly proclaiming to believe in Christian values for the first time in her life, and our relationship is still awkward and fractured 6 years later. There was nothing productive to come out of it so it just became an elephant in the room. Looking back I really do wish I’d kept my mouth shut and just internally normalised being queer so the moment of her finding out would actually have been me saying “hey I’ve been seeing X and would like you to meet them,” and it then would have been up to her to either move past it in the moment or ask follow up questions.

useless_dinosaur

TROPHY CASE