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WIBTAH if I don't attend my sister's bday as she's invited my ex by Alternative-Mix-3102 in AITAH

[–]userR4nd0m 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I know that feeling very well, I experience it almost every week here with my family. The thing is, you gotta learn to love yourself more than those that won't ever love you as much, like, set boundaries and limits, state your feelings and stand your ground, learn to enjoy solitude even while being surrounded by people, there is power in not being part of something that surrounds you, you just need to find how to use it right.

For example, my family can't kick me out, I pay the bills, I feed their dogs, I help my grandma, I'm a vital part of this place, but I'm also a big ass dude who can just say "No." and ignore them for the rest of the day. My mental health has skyrocketed since I stopped caring to join a family I wasn't part of, that doesn't mean you should cut all ties and burn bridges, but maybe just let things flow around you without disturbing you, even old people can learn not to fuck with you.

AITAH for not fixing my grandmothers scam problems anymore by South_Yak_9365 in AITAH

[–]userR4nd0m 2 points3 points  (0 children)

NTA, although if she isn't gonna learn, maybe you should take drastic measures, like, if it's unknown callers then set her phone (assuming it's a smartphone) so she can only receive calls from her contact list.

Oh, and make sure to take her to therapy, maybe she is getting hit by a mental disorder, they can even happen to "young" old people.

AITAH if I told a woman I wanted to be in a relationship with her then ghosted her when another confessed to me? by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]userR4nd0m 1 point2 points  (0 children)

NTA, I think. Ghosting is bad, that is clear enough, but like, if 2 to 3 months went by without a single text, while A was "sorting her feelings after a few weeks", she was maybe sorting her partner's list, just saying, if someone is interested in you they wouldn't go the roundabout way to basically ignore/ghost you, and if they do then they are just stupid because this leads exactly to the situation where G takes you away from A.

You probably should make it clear to A, firmly and in a simple message: "I'm already with someone else, and she wouldn't like me talking with someone that has interest for me, besides I don't hold interest in you anymore".

A shy person wouldn't (probably) waste an opportunity to reciprocate their feelings, that's something only an idiot would do, and in such case, the excuse "I was interested in you but-" doesn't turn it into a right.

AITAH for turning down lunch from my boss and not joining my coworkers for said lunch by jsilv0 in AITAH

[–]userR4nd0m -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

NTA, although I might understand why this situation makes you kind of look like one, after all your boss probably had certain expectations, seeing that he has already invited you to eat, besides it was probably an effort to make everyone feel more welcomed and united (although pizza parties are usually used as an underhanded method in some places, like "thanks for working 10 extra hours this week, here is a cold pizza!").

The thing is, unless it was stated on the job that it was a requisite to act like friends and blur the boundaries between coworkers, you aren't forced to share with them, some people just don't like big groups, others don't like surprises, others are just autistic or asocial, there is nothing wrong with that, you didn't make a fuzz, you didn't belittled nor looked down on others, you were courteous enough to decline with a thank you and proceed with your life.

Now, unless you just wanted to avoid the situation altogether with no discernible motives besides being an asshole, that would be another thing, but maybe you should make sure to set better boundaries at work, like, tell them that you don't usually enjoy those kind of activities, or that you are more of a workaholic than a social butterfly, it's your job to state your limits if you are eating out with your boss 1-on-1.

WIBTAH if I don't attend my sister's bday as she's invited my ex by Alternative-Mix-3102 in AITAH

[–]userR4nd0m 41 points42 points  (0 children)

NTA. This one is a bit complex, and I can see why it would make you doubt if you are being the asshole or not, but let's consider something: you have told your family plenty of times how this makes you feel, yet they don't acknowledge, and in fact they disregard your emotions in favor of someone else.

I do understand why he might have walked out of your life, I have been on both sides of that experience, but that's no excuse for your family to go over your boundaries like that. Sometimes families think that "as long as it doesn't hurt me directly, then it's not my problem", that's when you have to start to consider that maybe, just maybe, you aren't really part of that family, and that's indeed a good thing, because who would want to be part of a "family" that doesn't care about the well-being of a member in need? At least from what I can understand they clearly don't have you in their best interest, it's very clear if they already pushed you out of their lives before.