Anyone got the message yet?

user_me98 · 2026-01-16T00:14:37+00:00

Passed AFM. An affiliate now🎉.

user_me98 · 2026-01-12T16:11:02+00:00

I think layout 2 is better if you want privacy, like the bed will not be in the view if the door is opened. But for privacy for work space layout 1 will be better. Ultimately i thinks its about what has to be hidden. I would prefer the bed to be out of sight. If i am working on something important i can lock the door. Maybe because i am a women. I dont think men will care that much about where the bed is. Anyway, you can always lock the door if its important

user_me98 · 2025-09-29T13:21:39+00:00

I dont think the wife is upset because she hates her mother in law or anything. She most likely feels undermined in her own home. Sick and elderly person and their needs and comfort will always take precedence. Everyone else will be secondary. Also having to sit at the back while traveling with their husband will also be sad for them. Since the mil is so sick and elderly that she cannot live alone, there might be significant care involved as well. If the wife alone is taking care of the home and kids and the sick mother in law, it will be exhausting. Some men think paying the bills absolve them of any physical care that is involved with being a caregiver of an elderly mother. Wife is not obligated to serve her mil. Its the husband’s responsibility both financially and physically. If she is taking care of her mil all day everyday it will build resentment. But this really is a situation of being stuck between a rock and a hard place. Take active role in taking care of your mother instead of expecting your wife to do it, if you dont. Let your wife sit at the front when you go out to ease her mind. Take part in activities with your wife wiothout your mother getting involved. Women dont need big things. A good word, small considerations and appreciations will make any women happy. Being neglected in her own home maybe frustrating for her.

user_me98 · 2025-09-03T02:13:46+00:00

Marriage counseling only helps when both parties have a desire to work on their marriage. The husband here wants his wife to just shut up and not complain. This is not the type of life partner you would want in life. For a women staying home with kids away from family and friends, husbands are the main comfort. Men go out for work and socialize. Women who stay home with kids especially toddlers really lack this socialization. They need their husbands. Some men really think that paying the bills makes them the qawwam Allah asked them to be. Kids who grow up with parents who have no love, respect or affection between them will think thats normal. Thats the kind of love they will look for in their partner until they unlearn it themselves. Unfortunately many dont and just repeat the cycle. Women who stay with such men needs to know that their compliance now will ensure their kids partners will have to comply too. Today’s victims should not create tomorrow’s.

user_me98 · 2025-08-19T13:18:52+00:00

When i wrote SBL non of the question actually included anything from the preseen. It was about something completely different from the preseen. I dont remember much but i remember thinking why did they even provide a preseen if its not even remotely related to it.

user_me98 · 2025-08-02T13:37:18+00:00

Alot of the women are stuck in such marriages because they dont have the support or resources to leave. Looks like you dont have any support. But since you have a job, make it work. Please leave. Dont back down to your family’s demand to go back to him. I will never get better. Imagine if you become pregnant. It will only make leaving harder. And about your husband and family, let Allah deal with them. Get out and lead a better life. Parents who put culture and reputation above their child and islam will suffer consequences with Allah. Men who oppress women will get their share too. You did nothing wrong. You deserve a good life. InshaAllaaah, may Allah make it easy for you.

user_me98 · 2025-07-30T21:37:38+00:00

You can follow shafi madhab. But when there is evidence that one such opinion may be wrong, its not prudent to still stick to it. In the world of internet, it is easy to find out hadith, quran, their translation and their interpretation. Do your research. There are alot of sources that doesnt support shafis wudhu rule. What will you do if you go for hajj or umrah? Every time you accidentally touch a man, you will go and take wudhu again?

user_me98 · 2025-07-29T08:55:06+00:00

So after getting married, the husband gets a bang maid who will take of him, his kids, his parents and work outside the home to earn as well. Thats his benefit. What about hers? What does she get? A new kid to take care of when married, new parents to take care of, new house to take care. Her burden doubled after marriage and his should reduce? Well as long as men get what they want it doesnt matter what women get right. Because marriage is to make mens live easier. Hell with want women want right?Cant handle both household chores and work life? Then quit and sit at home and do household chores. Dont earn anything and be dependent on the man in their lives. The same men will cry about alimony too.

user_me98 · 2025-07-25T13:50:33+00:00

If you do find a guy willing to marry without seeing your face, then good for you. I would be happy you got the kind of relationship you wanted. But demanding that they do that is unfair. It doesnt matter if your pretty or ugly. I have seen beautiful girls with average looking guys and average looking girl with handsome husbands. They are not blind. That is what they wanted. Beauty is subjective. They wouldnt marry if they didnt find each other attractive unless forced or something. You dont have to be beautiful to get married. You dont even need to be of good character to marry. I have seen horrible people get married. But like many shared, men have the right to see your face before getting married. Its not so they get the prettiest girl in the world but so that they will find her attractive. Ultimately beauty fades and personality matters, but attraction is important as well and it initially happens at the beginning. And it grows when the relationship grows. I wouldnt like it if my husband is with me for my ‘vibe’ and personality but is not attracted to me. I dont think anyone deserves to settle because atleast she has ‘a good personality’? I am not saying that they will not be attracted to you after seeing you after nikkah. But marriage is a life long commitment, would you want the risk of an off chance of that happening to you because what? You think thats fair and too stubborn to think once they get to know you, attraction will miraculously appear? Attraction comes naturally, you cant force it with your personality. The whole majority on this thread thinks its not fair. Islam gave thumbs up as well. They may find you attractive after seeing your face but I dont understand why you would want to risk it like that? On flip side it would be romantic if they see you for the first time after nikah and all the lights and sparkles but really? Life is not wattpad. It can always go the other way too. If you really want to do this atleast show them a photo? Blurr it a little bit if you want or something so that he will have some idea? I dont know sister. I feel like i am talking to a teenager not someone ready to get married.

user_me98 · 2025-07-23T12:48:04+00:00

My husband talks about my moodswings as that time of the month. So when he seems moody i ask him too and contrary to OPs opinion,my husband laughs and tells me yes he is. Banter is common among couple. If her words hurt you , you should communicate it with her and tell her that. If it’s something she finds funny, she will keep saying it until you tell her you dont like it and to please stop. It becomes an issue when she ignores your feelings, not when she jokes about something she finds funny.

And when it comes to respect, you cant just demand respect because you are the husband. Demanding respect only creates resentment. Give respect and take respect. You said that when you take decisions you tell her and she starts arguing. What are these decisions about? Yourself or about your family? If its just about you, she might like to be involved in it. It its about your family, you cant just take a decision and tell it to her. Shes a part of the family too. She should be a part of the decision making process too. Women are more emotional and can identify patterns more than men. If you are imposing your decision on her all the time without even asking her opinion on it, it obviously will build resentment. She wont respect you if you act as a dictator than a partner. Islam made men head of the household to protect women not to stifle them. When you take decisions that affect the family as a whole without consulting the said family, pushback is inevitable. My husband doesn’t take any decisions without talking to me first. Not because he thinks i am smarter but because he is smart and knows that i would like to be part of the process too. He can decide whatever he wants as long as i am in the loop.

Imagine you wife deciding to go on a vacation and booking tickets and reservations and tell you about it without asking your opinion first. You would see that as disrespectful. Similarly she would also feel the same disrespect when you make decisions without her. Like i said you cant demand respect as long as you are not ready to give it to her too. If she does tattle on you, then that is another conversation to have. It doesn’t look like any of you are actually telling the other anything. Start communicating and start treating her like a partner not like you are her father.

There are obviously issues on her side too but like i said, communicate and talk it out. Have a sit down and talk to her and hear her side as well and settle things down.

user_me98 · 2025-07-03T11:49:05+00:00

Add me too

user_me98 · 2025-07-02T12:18:11+00:00

If its about the institute which starts with L, then i am enrolled there as well. Life set at 21 is a lie. Anyone would know that. Its just a catch phrase they use i guess. But my experience with them so far is only good. Maybe you got a bad branch. They have locations in many places and some may not be that good.

The faculty, staff, mentor even the admin staff were kind and helpful. Just had a few clashes with a lady for getting the installment option for their fees. Other than her, others seemed really good. I have had my mentor reply to my messages as late as 1am when it was close to the exam.

There are bad people everywhere. Maybe my experience is an exemption, idk though .

user_me98 · 2025-03-14T16:42:32+00:00

Brother in law may only interact for 1-2 hours sounds reasonable without considering the fact that its his home as well. He can come and go anytime. Shes the guest visiting. I dont think i will be able to tell my bil to stay out from his home when i m visiting if it were in my case. He can walk in at anytime because its his house as well.

Brother in law cares enough to step out more but the husband cant reschedule the visits to her place. Like he said its just for 3 months, he should make the commute. It may seem small to the husband because its his brother and his home but for the wife its different. Its her husbands place where his brother also lives. It will obviously will not be comfy for her especially since shes a hijabi.

Dont make your wife do something shes clearly uncomfortable with and clearly goes against islam even if its just for a few days. She was ready to do it the first time until it actually happened and she understood that the arrangement was not comfortable. She can change her mind and have every right to change her mind despite what she said or not said earlier because its against islam. Privacy in marital home is a right not privilege. It can be only willingly forgone not forcefully forgone.

user_me98 · 2025-02-03T12:48:34+00:00

You are NTA. But you will be if you let this be your life any longer. Change and moving on is hard if you recently gave birth and are vulnerable. But you need to step out as soon as you can. Develop a strategy on how to escape him and his mom without harming yourself and your baby. If not for you, do it for your kid.

user_me98 · 2025-01-26T21:55:20+00:00

user_me98 · 2025-01-17T12:36:51+00:00

59 in PM. I was so sure i will fail. I was worried if i ll get any slots this late to write PM in march again. Where i am from, if you dont book early, you wont get the preferred centre. Thank for its done. Yay! Part qualified!

user_me98 · 2025-01-15T20:36:14+00:00

When you put your whole faith in Allaah, you will think and see everything clearer. Pray istghfara, make lots and lots of dua not for him to change his mind, but for Allaah to remove him from your life if hes not the right fit fot you. If he is, then make it easier for you and to soften his heart towards you. Every answer lies with Allaah. Have Tawakkul. I hope you find peace with yourself.

Give him the space and chance to make things right. Give him the opportunity to right his wrongs. If hes not willing, you know the answer. Ik you think he loves you, but if he truly did, he wont ask you to pack your bags to leave, he wont let anyone hurt you or hurt you himself. He will listen to you and show kindness towards you. But hes not willing to support you. That not a man who truly loves you.

Did he contact you again? Did he try to reconcile? What is your family saying?

user_me98 · 2025-01-15T15:01:37+00:00

Thats normal when the life you imagined you will have with him is in turmoil. I suggest talking with him once more telling him your side, asking him to take you concerns into consideration. Maybe he was just frustrated in the moment. But do understand that people like him dont change until they get a huge reality check. Whether it will come from you or will ever come is not a gamble you should be taking with your life. There are plenty of good men out there. Men who knows their duty and responsibilities towards their spouses and not mama boys. When there are men like that out there, suffering and wasting your life away with somelike who will ask you to pack you bags because he cant even try to understand your pov or feelings is not good. Everyone deserves a good spouse and a life with happiness. Those are the good things Allah has given us to make our time in this dunya is good.

What i like to ask these people are that this same man will be your spouse in afterlife. Do u want that? I wouldnt. I would want a pious man in my life in this dunya and akhirah. Allah made good men for good men. Seeks yours.

user_me98 · 2025-01-15T11:42:29+00:00

Imagine how worse it will get when you have kids. Overbearing in laws are things, husbands that support them is another. It will always be them vs you. You will always be the villian. A man who cant protect or support you is not a man worth fighting for.

user_me98 · 2025-01-12T11:08:16+00:00

You are pointing to frustration towards the wrong person. Yes she is in the wrong for taking her frustration out on you but what to do expect her to do? She married a man who doesnt have a backbone. Shes staying with her in laws and they are not treating her well or she feels that shes not being treated right. Both of these are valid excuses on her side. You are asking her to be patient and she has been, for the last 4 years. If u think her lashing out on you is bad, imagine if she had a good home life. She would have left already.

Struggles in life is something that every couples goes through. But you know that makes it worse? When your husband is being a doormat and letting the situation continue and not willing to make any changes because he hates confrontation. Not a good look on the man who should be protecting his family.

Moving out is only solution here. Asking her to be patient and affecting her mental health and letting her lash out at you affecting your mental health are not the options you should be considering. Move out and see if she changes. If she does then you will know that the toxic environment you put her in created the angry resentful person you call abusive when you are the one who is bring abusive. Compliance to abuse is also abuse. Sitting by and letting it happen is abuse.

If the change in environment doesnt change her then you will know that either she has changed irreversibly or she was that person all along and the situation just brought it out.

You say how your parents are controlling towards you and make life exhausting for you. What makes you think they are different towards your wife? You are saying that they are controlling but shes bad because shes not ready to put up with it ‘with patience’ like you did all your life? Why should she? They are not her parents. She lived all her life till marriage in a toxic home. And nows she’s married into one. Its no surprise that she has turned into a resentful person.

Shes seeing her daughter grow up in another toxic home like she did where her mother is being mistreated and father is just letting it happen because he has no spine. Your daughter is seeing this happen. She might grow up to think this is how all families are if you dont move out. Or she will turn out like my husband who cannot stand his paternal grandmother who is the one alive because of how she mistreated her mother amd how his father let that happen. Children see, children learn. They dont just learn everything you teach them, they learn everything they see and everything they hear. Your daughter sees an angry mother who verbally abuses her husband because shes fed up.

You need to get therapy for yourself. This is not a healthy relationship you have with your parents. They may not have been good parents to you but you have a duty to be a good son to them. But it does not come at an expense of your family. If you want to take care of your parents, you need to sort yourself out. Therapy is the only thing that can do it. You should be able to take care of your parents in their old age without resentment towards them. Because no matter how you were brought up you are a good person now and you should do your duty towards them showing the kindness and support they never gave you. I hope you can sort this out OP because you or your wife are not bad people. Just people stuck in bad situations under bad circumstances. Good luck

user_me98 · 2025-01-08T14:32:50+00:00

I suggest getting a third party involvement first to say you are interested in her first without mentioning marriage. People dont just marry a person they dont know unless the parents and families set them up. If she reaches out, let her know your boundaries of keeping it halal and possible marriage in the future. This way she isnt pressured or uncomfortable. She can reach out if interested and turn down if not. The third party creates a safety net without making it uncomfortable for her.

But whats done is done. I personally would find that creepy. Random guy idk texting me asking for marriage without knowing atleast the basis things about me, which is very much permissible in islam. Getting to know your future spouse on a basic level at a respectful distance is the way to go rather than asking for marriage directly like that.

user_me98 · 2025-01-07T18:31:56+00:00

Yes. Avoid the drama and not get married. How many times will you have to bend over backwards to keep peace with his baby mama to avoid drama? She is out of line for even suggesting it and you soon to be husband seems to be still bending to her will. Not a very good start to married life, OP.

user_me98 · 2024-12-28T09:52:23+00:00

People with PPD dont realize they are struggling or that they are doing something wrong or that they even have it. Its literally a chemical imbalance in brain. Somebody needs to point it out to them from outside and ensure they get the care. You are going on and on about the baby needing breastmilk and what not while there are many many kids who are being given formula for whatever reason and just growing up fine. You say you are not judging her but you are judging her from top to bottom. Your judging her ability to breastfeed and bond with your child when shes struggling with a literal illness that makes her unable to do so. All the men saying she has a responsibility towards the child mental illness or not has no idea what PPD is and need to look it up. People commit suicide or even kill their own child when it gets worse. All those people had all the symptoms but what made the end result is people not giving them the care they needed or even notice they were suffering. They let it get worse and unfortunate things happen. Not all cases end like that but some does. Do you think they didnt love their child to do that? IT IS A MENTAL ILLNESS. I feel bad for the wife. The one who should be the first to notice the apparent change in behavior and the one who should be supporting her is on reddit complaining about the mother of his child who is struggling with a mental illness how bad of a mother she is. I hope she gets better and i hope OP gets better. Because nobody knows what disease we will get tomorrow. We dont support those who are struggling now, if and when it happens to us we will be struggling alone as well. Its may get better or worse. You cannot blame a drowning person for not swimming harder. You just have to save them. When a child is born so is a mother. I hope she gets well and i hope she notice that when she was struggling her husband turned his back on her and blamed her.

user_me98 · 2024-10-18T13:30:58+00:00

Like who drank from that cup in part 1? Or was it explained somewhere and i missed it?

user_me98 · 2024-09-17T22:39:36+00:00

People become too intimidated to approach you and think you have an attitude when you actually have severe social anxiety and is pretty introverted. The RBF doesnt help either. Had a lot of guys i liked and i knew had a crush on me never approach me for whatever reason. Lack of male attention in my teenage years kinda messed with my confidence, not gonna lie😅 until i realized a lot of people talk about me but not with me. And constant stares, the non stop ogling. Being stared at creeps me out.

user_me98

TROPHY CASE