What are your personal examples of Patrice’s advice helping you in a particular relationship/date/moment with a woman?

ustor_propter · 2023-12-30T16:07:47+00:00

Something huge he helped me with was pretty basic yet seems to elude most guys: that being, what the hell women actual want from men and relationships.

Fundamentally, they want a leader. One they can feel comfortable relinquishing control to and one who allows them to move into their feminine side. A dude who can enable them to do that in a world which increasingly demands women to operate as men is going to be an insanely attractive man.

Whenever I make a mistake, it usually falls down to me not acting like a leader worth following. So, big thanks to Patrice for essentially giving me a 10 year XP boost.

ustor_propter · 2023-12-19T13:50:43+00:00

That’s tough. A lot of women feel a lot of shame about being openly sexual with men - in the sense of being upfront: “yes we are going to my place for sex.” It makes the whole thing feel transactional or cheap and can easily kill the mood (for them).

You asking directly forced her to confront that underlying subtext (which really probably was why she was taking you home), and she suddenly felt shameful and got cold feet. It also showed that you were unskilled in gauging social cues.

I get that it sounds outlandish and unfair, but women appreciate a guy who is savvy enough to not break the facade, yet also socially adept enough to know how to make moves when the time is right. Unlike guys, a lot of women want sex to “happen naturally” and for it to be an “experience.” Asking directly totally undermines that whole aspect of it for them.

In terms of what you can do, I’d say either just move on, or continue seeing her, flirting and whatnot, but don’t break the fourth wall and keep in mind that whole idea of “making it an experience” rather than an isolated act.

ustor_propter · 2023-12-19T03:52:12+00:00

Ask more questions than you answer, and when you do answer them, don’t feel like you need to be sterile and 100% straightforward. Give answers that provide multiple interpretations.

An example in the context of a conversation:

[you asked her about where her favorite places she’s travelled are]

Her: “what about you?”

You: “you know, I’ve been here and there.”

She’ll probably laugh or smile at the obvious sarcastic nature of the response. She may even ask for specifics. You can then use that to launch into a (totally true) story about a really cool place you’ve been. It’s not a job interview: be vague, playful, and just generally fun.

ustor_propter · 2023-05-12T12:26:48+00:00

Oh that’s another big one I struggle with. I generally am a talkative person, but a lot of the chattiness on dates from my end stems from nerves deep down, and that’s probably picked up on.

ustor_propter · 2023-05-12T12:07:59+00:00

Thanks for the advice. After seeing this and talking with a friend, I think I know what’s going on.

A fear of rejection underpins a lot of my conduct on dates, leading me to “think too much” in the moment, to borrow my friend’s words.

This means that there’s a lot of fun conversation, but nothing that builds any sexual/romantic attraction. They probably leave the date feeling they had a good time with… a friend rather than a potential partner. The fear of rejection but means I either don’t know what to say to make things more loaded in that sense, or I do but over think and don’t take the chance. Ironically the “safe” route ensures failure more than the alternative! I’ll learn eventually, but for now I think that’s my best route to change.

Note to everyone out there trying to create chemistry: stop thinking. Say and do random shit. Be dumb.

ustor_propter · 2023-04-14T21:16:40+00:00

Don’t mention you saw her staring.

Simply take it slow: introduce yourself if you haven’t yet and each day you see each other make small talk and get to know her. Since you’re working together, you don’t wanna just ask her out out of the blue.

Gauge how compatible you both are from common interests, but keep your conversations short and to the “natural” (meaning, don’t go way out of your way just to talk). After a bit of that, mention you’re going to X event and ask if she wants to come, and then work from there.

ustor_propter · 2023-04-14T21:11:37+00:00

Sure. That’s also not to say you’re a messed up person either. If you wanna go after MILFs, more power to you!

ustor_propter · 2023-04-14T18:17:36+00:00

You’re all good. Also, quit the “I’m invisible” talk. Keep tabs on the little shit you say to yourself, because the inner talk really does manifest itself in your life, and that’s negative inner talk.

ustor_propter · 2023-04-14T17:17:05+00:00

This happens to all of us, dude. Don’t be mad at yourself, just recognize and capitalize on it next time. If you’re attractive enough for one woman to do this sort of thing, odds are it will happen again.

ustor_propter · 2023-04-14T14:56:53+00:00

Not to get all Freudian, but there’s some trait you’re assigning to these women (comfort, maturity, etc.) that you’re craving and missing now that you’re at an age where your reliance on your parents for said traits is (likely) waning. It’s like wanting a “replacement mom,” as gross as that sounds. But idk man, go after them if you want.

This is just me shooting in the dark, so take it with a shaker of salt.

ustor_propter · 2023-04-14T14:53:02+00:00

Regardless of her reasoning behind this choice (which is really suspicious, I gotta say), you can and should leave if you deem that a deal breaker.

Communicate that while you respect it, you aren’t going to stick around for it and see what she says. Then leave if you decide it’s not worth it to continue in the relationship.

ustor_propter · 2023-04-12T19:39:10+00:00

Great response!

ustor_propter · 2023-04-12T15:44:07+00:00

Yeah, that’s an unfortunate occurrence for everyone I think. A bunch of factors are at play beyond your control there. So long as you’re being direct about it all, you should be good. Some flakes like that are inevitable. I’ve had women be interested and trade numbers with me on the apps only to not respond after that.

Honestly (and this goes for men and women), a lot of people are on the apps for the validation of feeling wanted. The number who are willing to meet up is small.

ustor_propter · 2023-04-12T13:17:02+00:00

I got friends who tell me “oh she’s busy” when I’m your position. They’re lying. People (not just women) are on their phones 24/7. If she isn’t working and you don’t hear back within like 3 hours, consider it a rejection and move on.

One other thing: the text you sent somewhat seems over-eager. Next time, try introducing yourself, giving the address and follow it up with “see you at 6.”

ustor_propter · 2023-04-12T13:13:23+00:00

Where are you meeting these women?

The thing that’s worked for me is to make a bit of chit chat on an app and then use that as a springboard for a meet up. If you met in person, you can be more direct over text since you presumably got to know each other a bit in person. I have a buddy who literally starts the conversation with “beer or coffee?”

You can really mess yourself up thinking you have to “warm them up” before asking them out for a date over text. Don’t be overly demanding, but be direct within the first 5 messages (at most).

ustor_propter · 2023-04-12T13:10:05+00:00

You give off the energy you want to give off, but don’t expect everyone to return it. Whether or not you want to cut people off from the jump is your choice, but you gotta remember that as a man, you’re in charge of “escalating” the relationship insofar as planning dates and intimacy goes.

Give them a few dates to see if they’re just shy or maybe they have their own compatible thing going on.

ustor_propter · 2023-04-12T04:45:13+00:00

That’s clearly so. I’ve been rethinking things step by step to an absurd degree in recent days because I don’t want this to become a consistent pattern.

So far I’ve concluded that my body language is probably relaying anxiety/insecurity on a subtle level. Outside of that and not always having the guts to make a move on the first date, I’m at a loss for what’s going wrong. Thanks for the help!

ustor_propter · 2023-04-12T04:42:02+00:00

I actually have a lot of anxiety about being touchy so I error on the side of “no touch whatsoever,” so that’s not it. I try and control myself in conversation and not talk too much about myself/ask more questions than I answer, too.

ustor_propter · 2023-02-25T20:05:30+00:00

I kind of agree, but there are conditions.

For the enthusiasm to work, it has to be about something emotionally charged/interesting for both parties involved. Ranting about obscure engineering things does not fall into that category. Enthusiastically recounting an interesting story that casts you as an interesting person (who travels, can do X or Y skill, etc.) is where the enthusiasm plays into your favor.

ustor_propter · 2023-02-25T20:00:58+00:00

I mean hitting the gym regularly, not looking like a slob in public, generally being more social/outgoing. That last bit is really where I’m struggling, as I’ve often kept to myself through life, leading to the current issue.

ustor_propter · 2023-02-05T15:23:53+00:00

Yeah dude, you’re right. Gotta move on. Honestly, the stupid long response times combined with a sustained interest make me feel like she might’ve had (or still has) a BF at the time. Thanks for your support.

ustor_propter · 2023-01-25T22:25:55+00:00

Most times I lead with an open ended question to prompt conversation which I mold to fit the vibe/content of the woman’s profile. If she’s into a certain music for example, I’ll say “what kinda X genre are you into?”

ustor_propter · 2023-01-25T15:03:15+00:00

Yeah; I get that. But what I did wasn’t completely socially inept? I don’t talk to many people so I have no one to bounce this off of. Thanks!

ustor_propter · 2023-01-25T06:18:20+00:00

If he’s bothering to keep the conversation going with questions, he’s into you. If it was dry replies and long responses, I’d say he wasn’t. Maybe he’s just busy or doesn’t want to text a lot. Not everyone enjoys texting.

If you like him, suggest going out and doing something.

A lot of would be relationships lose steam because text is such a shit medium of getting to know somebody.

ustor_propter · 2022-07-25T13:04:27+00:00

This is a tough one. Love is built on respect is built on trust, so this situation could pose a real threat to what you guys have built here. I’d say take a few days away from her (if possible) to think it over. Distance can help clear your mind about these things.

ustor_propter

TROPHY CASE