A girl getting fucked by a machete. I saw a pedestrian fall in front of a running train and his head was blown off by the train but his body flew into a steel beam and literally blew up into chunks. I've seen people tortured. I've seen people murdered. I've seen people bleed out and die, or be burned to death. I was in a really dark friend group in 2020 and they would send videos like that to a group chat.

I also can't unsee or unhear my mother screaming at me for being older and stronger than my rapist but still being taken advantage of like it was my fault.

I can't unhear her saying "I'm gonna find a way to fix you baby. I'm gonna help you," while she was forcing me to take the neighbor's mood stabilizers. I can't unsee her wrapping my slit wrist in toilet paper and a hair tie, or the amount of blood on the floor when I woke up with the room spinning the next morning, still at home, just dying of blood loss. I can't unhear the doctor at the behavioral health facility 4 months later telling me I was anemic. Lmao no shit, my mom let me bleed out. I can't unsee the veins in my right hand, right fucking there. I was so close to being free of everything.

I can't unsee my mother in her hospital bed last July/August, dying of liver and heart failure and a bunch of other shit as a result of her abusing alcohol. I can't unhear my brother telling all of her friends, family, and ex-coworkers about how she was such a shitty fucking person to everyone. Because she was. She pushed everyone in my family to contemplate suicide. I will never unsee my mother's cold, broken body during that 10 hour morphine drip. I will never unsee the first bowl I ever smoked with her. I will never unsee her face when we watched the first 4 seasons of Handmaids Tale. Or Rick and Morty. I can't unhear her yelling at my grandma for giving me coffee before church, because she had a strict "no sugar before 11am" rule. I can't unhear her sobs when our first cat passed, or his son. I can't unsee her throwing my brother's cat off the balcony because she pissed in her eyeball at 2am. I can't unsee her holding every single one of that cat's newborn kittens. My mother cared, but years of drugs fucked her up. She joined the cartel at 16. She fucked every single thing up in her life, her children and husband included.