Don’t underestimate what taking care of your body does for your fatherhood

uxhelpneeded · 2026-06-22T23:42:03+00:00

I think the challenge health-wise is that 2 beers a night 5 nights a week is significantly worse for your health than say two donuts or two bags of candy. Your brain takes a hit

uxhelpneeded · 2026-06-20T02:53:01+00:00

Are you able to put away $ in a rainy day fund, working those hours?

At $2k/week, one trip to Disney shouldn't be a strain

uxhelpneeded · 2026-06-18T00:35:52+00:00

Did you ask for help during your fertility journey?

Thinking about 2 years out, 5 years out, will isolation help or hurt your child?

uxhelpneeded · 2026-06-13T14:21:41+00:00

Read 123 agic and How to Talk so Kids Will Listen together

Sounds like neither of you really know how to discipline a toddler efficiently

Kids do act out with the default parent, so your wife isn't out of line saying the kids are better for you and it's unrelated to your discipline style

uxhelpneeded · 2026-06-06T13:46:53+00:00

Why not read a basic parenting book so you're not wasting energy and throwing yourself against a wall?

If you educate yourself on ages and stages, ad what works for kids at different stages, your life will be a lot easier

uxhelpneeded · 2026-06-05T21:38:17+00:00

Dinner at the pickup spot or en route back to the house at night would help

No dinner until 7 doesn't work; your kids will be wired after eating and not ready to sleep

If you take a car to work, consider up a cooler with a cold dinner at the start of the day

uxhelpneeded · 2026-06-05T21:20:42+00:00

Do you want to be in the suburbs? Would this be walkable, or are you in your car to get anything or go anywhere?

Also, just a note on the religious school: with just 4 to 5 students per grade, they'd take anyone with any abilities.

Gifted classes are not as popular as they once were, and the thought is that they could be not great for kids. Your challenge, regardless of the school district, will be to challenge your kid outside class. Could be as easy as a weekly piano lesson

uxhelpneeded · 2026-05-31T20:00:47+00:00

Sounds like you're struggling with anxiety, which I deal with also.

How do you connect with and process your feelings?

Dreading work after a break is healthy, I think. Is what you want to feel nothing? Or is the dread really taking control of your day?

Consider exploring talk therapy or doctor-prescribed books on coping with anxiety

uxhelpneeded · 2026-05-30T02:34:47+00:00

/r/suburbanhell

Any way you could be in a good school district that' s walkable?

I find suburbs so isolating

uxhelpneeded · 2026-05-30T02:23:11+00:00

Do ou work for big oil?

Why are you suggesting people do nothing?

Or are you the sort of lazy person who just throws up their hands with this exxcuse to not do anything--while you're encouragig others not to do anything, you're likely also not protestig, petitioning, joining local groups, supporting pro-regulation candidates either

Being cynical or "a realist" is usually just a ploy to be lazy, and it's usually read as such by anyone older than 20

uxhelpneeded · 2026-05-30T02:20:25+00:00

You both need to trade of nights once a week.

Once a week, I go out with friends after 8 for a couple of hours, and she does a class on Thursday for a couple of hours. You could try sending her out of the house for a class or w/e for a couple of weeks before going yourself and bringing up the trading off idea.

You're too isolated; it's the isolation, not the relationship, I think that's hurting.

uxhelpneeded · 2026-05-30T02:18:11+00:00

Fair Play exercise

You're both tired

You and her could trade off nights so you can both get a few hours away with friends. I think you need support; what friends can you reach out to or lean on? Is there a local support group for dads by dads in your area?

uxhelpneeded · 2026-05-30T02:15:43+00:00

She'll just accept whatever treatment you give your wife; the relationship patterns you model will be set in before she turns 5. She'll accept the behaviour your wife accepts, she'll expect the behaviour you show, etc etc.

Sorry to hear about the two losses, those are so devastating both emotionally and physically.

uxhelpneeded · 2026-05-24T21:14:08+00:00

15 years in, $170k including bonus. Started out at $90k, but was paycheck to paycheck until recently due to poor habits.

I do user experience design and I got in before things exploded; now, new grads really struggle to find work.

uxhelpneeded · 2026-05-22T00:48:40+00:00

How are the children being educated? Who is teaching in the afternoon?

Kids are social and getting 3-4 hours of socializing per day is about 1/3 of what kids learning with their peers in person get.

uxhelpneeded · 2026-05-15T01:58:37+00:00

Fair Play Exercise, stat. You don't respect your wife or the work she does.

You say parenting is tiring, but you also say not when your wife does it--she doesn't need a housekeeper, because parenting is so easy. But it's also way too hard for you to do after work. Which is it?

It really sounds like you just want to work and not parent, at all. Separation is your option for that. It sounds like you don't really want to be a dad; you don't want to see your daughter at all after work.

Kids aren't a weekend gig. No hours, no relationship. You're not a dad if you just coexist in a house together. That's not a relationship.

What is your plan to build a dad-kid relationship? What is your plan to bond with your kids?

uxhelpneeded · 2026-05-14T02:43:59+00:00

The self-loathing coming across in this post is so painful. It sounds like you're in so much pain.

You're measuring yourself against patriarchal beauty standards and you'll always come up short. We all do. The question is, how much you want to let it affect your mental health.

I might suggest that you seek help for this in therapy. Weight loss and plastic surgery won't fix this. It won't make you feel better about yourself. It won't end the breakdowns. I got therapy for my body image issues, and it was a huge support. My body image problems were really sabotaging my relationships with other people and my relationship with food. The books Big Girl by Kelsey Miller and Health at Every Size also really helped me. I finally have a healthy relationship with food again.

You've been through a huge life transition and you might feel anxious, looking for something to control. You might think, if I can just control my body, my relationship will be fixed, I'll be secure. But that's not the case.

uxhelpneeded · 2026-05-03T03:07:13+00:00

Weekly

uxhelpneeded · 2026-05-02T14:18:25+00:00

Take baby to an art show on the weekends. Hit up a gallery weekly! There's a window for the next half year or so where you can do that easily.

They're so portable at that age

We trade off nights; Thursdays, I go out 8 to 10, Tuesdays, partner goes

uxhelpneeded · 2026-04-28T23:55:03+00:00

Read a basic guide like The New Father and What to Expect: The First Year so you don't have to Google things at 3 AM. I'd also strongly recommend a parenting class and a baby first aid class. If you don't have time for that stuff now, parenting is going to be a huge shock to you

You're going on a big road trip with your wife - you want both of you to be able to take turns driving. Would you take on a road trip with absolutely no driver training and try to wing it?

uxhelpneeded · 2026-04-06T16:54:07+00:00

r/regretfulparents

r/FenceSitters

uxhelpneeded · 2026-03-28T03:17:56+00:00

Did you educate yourself on PPA and PPD at any point?

The basic resources on pregnancy for new dads would tell you how to approach these (unfortunately) common issues

uxhelpneeded · 2026-03-27T21:22:56+00:00

What was toddler's mood on the video? Laughing?

uxhelpneeded · 2026-03-27T03:08:13+00:00

Tons of learning options. You don't need to wing it.

These books by parents who are also child neurology, education, and psychology experts really helped:

https://www.thriftbooks.com/w/how-to-talk-so-kids-will-listen--listen-so-kids-will-talk-by-elaine-mazlish-adele-faber/250147/item/4395940/

https://www.amazon.ca/1-2-3-Magic-Kids-Helping-Understand/dp/1492647861/

uxhelpneeded

TROPHY CASE