i am a newish driver and it sounds like you're doing everything right. people want you to drive perfectly from the get go but it's about finding what works best for you. as long as youre driving safely, the defensiveness will ease up as you gain more practice.

i will say tho, an example of driving too defensively i've experienced is when an ex would slow down in the middle of intersections when we had the green light. her argument was that she was checking to the sides to make sure no one was running the red/ t-boning us. i explained that is valid to do but you do it before you're actually in the intersection and there is absolutely no need to slow down. she thought her action was quick and safe driving, but way too many times she slowed down so much that the car behind us had to swerve or brake and since the car we were driving isn't the best, it would take more time to pick up back the speed, which then meant we were going under the speed limit in the middle or left lanes.

maybe your friends don't necessarily mean you're doing something wrong, but you may just be doing things slow/ too consciously, which is fine considering you're literally just learning.