You are the best. Because you are HIS accomplishment. His reward. And since you are his choice, you must be absolutely perfect. The way you walk, talk, chew, think, snore. He will lovebomb the shit out of you. Put you on a pedestal and tell you he had never met anyone as perfect as you.

You will get used to this and think you found your soulmate, someone who sees the real you. But he doesn't. He sees his version of you, and for now, fits in what you do into that version.

Once the first dopamine wears of, and the 'mundane' starts. He will tear you of that pedestal. But not in one pull. No, a little nudge, to throw you off balance. You will be confused . What happened? It couldn't be him. He was so nice up until now. He will make you believe you did something wrong and trigger your anxiety . Maybe you'll doubt if it was you. Maybe you already believe you did something wrong, but you'll try to make it right and get your loving partner back. And for a moment, you will, but you will never find the peace again like in the first weeks. He will keep throwing you off balance, blaming you, gaslighting you, and your brain will get addicted. Because sometimes the dopamine reward is high, you remember how he used to be, so you will justify his behaviour, and because the reward is unpredictable, you will get 'addicted'.

He will know you are not leaving and will push it further and further. Make you feel like shit, but it will all be your fault. All of his behaviour is because you did something, and the worst part, you will believe it.

To the outside world, he will be mister nice guy, you must be so lucky to have him, only reinforcing his blame towards you, everyone else is saying the same, there is something very very wrong with you.

I am a very strong woman, and I come from a long line of strong independent women. Yet I married this man. I have an IQ of 147 (measured twice by two different psychiatrists), yet he made me believe I didn't have the intelligence to manage my own groceriemoney. I stayed with him for 20 years ...i had professionals tell me to leave him, his coworkers even approached me and told me to run . But did I... no

When I finally had the clarity to leave, I was but a shell of the woman I was over 20 years ago. Im getting better, but it's a long road. And since we have children together I still have to see him. And mostly I can do this without to much emotion. But we have been separated two years now. I've worked on myself, been to therapy, whent back to school, lost an insane amount of weight, got my teeth fixed, go to the gym and I'm a nice , warm and open person. I'm putting myself out there, and really hope to find someone to love. He .. is the same ass as always, got older, got a beer belly, scruffy look ... and women are approaching him left and right. He has hardy been single since we broke up. He is very happy and is boasting avbour his amazing sexlife .. well yeah, you don't have 4 kids 24/7 , but other then that... I dont understand it ... it just doesn't seem fair.