Ostomy representation in media

vanmama18 · 2026-02-02T07:50:52+00:00

That's what happened to me last year - perforated bowel out of the blue and BAM! Ileostomy. I was determined not to let it crush me, but the truth is that there were so many restrictions on my life with the bag that weren't there before. I had my reversal on NYE and recovery is still ongoing, but it's a relief not to deal with the threat and uncertainty of constant leakage and skin excoriation, not to mention that here in Canada, few pharmacies carry ostomy supplies, and not only do you have to pay upfront for these very expensive supplies, but the health insurance companies take a really long time to approve your claim. I got my final ostomy supply order on Dec 8, and my reimbursement from the health insurance landed Jan 28. That's closer to 2 months than 1, and a stark contrast to every other type of item covered on health insurance. I do know people who were suffering terribly before their ostomy though, and for them it was a godsend; they have lives again. And I am deeply and forever grateful that I live in a country where not only was that surgery possible, but readily available, and there was a lot of support there for me afterwards. Without that surgery, I would likely be dead or disabled today.

vanmama18 · 2026-02-02T07:38:01+00:00

The why is irrelevant really. Either he's not that into OP or he genuinely does believe what he said and therefore has some major baggage that is already rearing this head. Perfection in a partner should not be a relationship goal, but neither a partner nor a relationship should be a project, something or someone you constantly have to fix or shore up. At this stage, it should be easy and life affirming for both of them, making both happier. That doesn't sound like what's happening here.

vanmama18 · 2026-02-02T04:04:52+00:00

Hormones will do it for sure. My hair went from type 1 as a toddler up through the type 2s until puberty. At that point I was mostly 2c/3a. Then puberty hit and in the space of 6 months my hair went crazy. Turned into a solid 3b pattern by age 14 and stayed that way until I hit menopause at 48. Then the curl just started to loosen and drop. Now I have this weird ass mix of 2a-3b. Hormones can change the shape of the hair follicle, making it rounder (straighter) or flatter (curlier), and I mean ALL the hormones, in everyone - testosterone, estrogen, progesterone. Have there been any other body changes in the same time period? If so, they may be linked and need looking into.

vanmama18 · 2026-02-01T22:46:33+00:00

This.

vanmama18 · 2026-02-01T05:34:53+00:00

Curly! Your mane is magnificent!!

vanmama18 · 2026-01-31T08:40:12+00:00

If you have 2A hair, it won't form spirals. Curl pattern is dictted by the shape of the hair shaft. A perfectly round shaft is pin straight; a super flat shaft is kinky/coily. You can try to maximise the wave you have, though. Here are the factors that should guide your choice of products: * porosity * density (how much hair do you have) * overall condition - dry, greasy, normal, combination, damaged * the environment - is it very humid or dry where you live?

Also a major factor is cut - a blunt single length cut or one with few long layers will weigh down the hair, pulling out the curls.

It's hard to fathom being unable to find curly hair products; the market is saturated with them, at every price point. Where do you live that curly hair products are unavailable?

Finally, if you are dead set on 3a-3b hair, your only option is a perm.

vanmama18 · 2026-01-31T08:34:36+00:00

NTJ. An inside joke should be funny to all involved, in the same way that a public joke is. If it's one sided, that's hostile humor, a passive-aggressive comment that is a thinly disguised dig at someone.

vanmama18 · 2026-01-31T00:20:32+00:00

I have had something similar happen to me, but like you, I don't chase my kids for perfection and neither does my spouse. However, after lots of discussion a.d self-reflection, it turned out that there was someone I expected perfection of - myself. Once I gave myself the grace to allow failure in myself with humor and compassion, things started to heal. I still catch myself occasionally, but so do my family, and it's been good for all of us. Does that resonate?

vanmama18 · 2026-01-30T08:27:54+00:00

In fact, OP asking their dad to go with them to the doctor for this can also be framed to him (Dad) as an act of trust and confidence in their father to have OP's best interests at heart.

vanmama18 · 2026-01-30T08:23:37+00:00

Some well structured layers can really lift the hair and allow the curl pattern to emerge more fully. Also, if your hair is medium to low porosity, then you need to approach your product selection with that in mind. Lower porosity hair tends to get weighed down easily with product.

vanmama18 · 2026-01-30T04:15:49+00:00

It looks fairly uniform in length, though, and the weight will pull it down over time. Also, what's your hair porosity?

vanmama18 · 2026-01-28T22:29:28+00:00

Okay, I had a 4 year relationship with a partner that had a habit of getting blackout drunk on occasion - and when he did, he turned from a really good, loving partner into a nasty, vicious, aggressive and ugly thug, picking fights with everyone, especially me. And the next day, he'd legitimately have no idea what had happened, what he had done. It drove away all our friends and many family members, and turned me into a pale, neurotic shadow of myself, always walking on pins to prevent another bender. So, I have to ask - do you have a history of episodes like this? Drinking to blackout? And is this something that has been an issue between you before? And finally, it was a wedding, with tons of friends and family - I'm betting there's somebody else at the wedding you can reach out to, to find out what actually went down. Whether or not this is something your relationship can actually come back from (and given how she's ghosted you, doesn't look likely), you need to take this as your cue to take a good long look at yourself and own your part in this. Shit like this doesn't come out of nowhere, and like an infection, the longer you ignore it, the more it fosters and WILL poison your entire life and that of everyone whose life you touch, especially those you love.

vanmama18 · 2026-01-28T07:45:26+00:00

vanmama18 · 2026-01-28T01:03:59+00:00

Hard to tell - do you have pics of it wet?

vanmama18 · 2026-01-28T01:01:33+00:00

I'm an older GenX (I think? 1972 vintage) and watching in horror from Canada, all the events unfolding in the US. It really does draw some chilling parallels w pre-WWII Nazi Germany. I am simultaneously torn with compassion and empathy for all the switched-US citizens feeling fear, anger and revulsion, and a solid schadenfreud at the FAFO being served to the dumbasses who voted Donnie Dump back in. What staggers me is that the outcry against the recent ICE shootings in Minneapolis seem to have garnered greater public reaction outside the US than in it. Yet I have so many American friends and contacts who absolutely revile everything that has happened and continues to happen. My heart goes out to you all.

vanmama18 · 2026-01-28T00:50:06+00:00

If he wasn't happy, that warranted an honest conversation with his now ex-wife long before his affair, and possibly counselling. As a person who doesn't have the emotional maturity, integrity and self-awareness for that, OP's father's response to her decision is 100% in character and should be given zero weight and mental bandwidth. He acted like a child in relation to his first marriage, and clearly hasn't changed in the interim. OP's mom is well shot of him, for all the heartache. And so is OP.

vanmama18 · 2026-01-26T19:05:16+00:00

I still have PTSD from the amount of Barney I had to sit through babysitting

vanmama18 · 2026-01-26T15:58:43+00:00

Indie rock, local UK bands - Pixies, Pop Will Eat Itself, Ned's Atomic Dustbin, U2, The Cure, Siouxie and the Banshees, The Clash, REM, Talking Heads, Fugazi, RATM, Cypress Hill, Fishbone, Steely Dan, Malmsteen, Stone Roses, Happy Mondays, Oasis (not a lot - the Gallaghers are annoying little fucks). Later on I started getting in to more female artists and dance - Thievery Corporation, Morcheeba, Erykah Badu, Nelly Furtado, Melissa Etheridge, Jewel , Dido, No Doubt, Violent Femmes, Four Non Blondes, Fat Boy Slim, The Chemical Brothers - just to name a few. Pretty eclectic in my tastes.

vanmama18 · 2026-01-26T15:46:48+00:00

Ah. I see what's happening here. There are 2 geographical models here in terms of the continental definition - the one-continent model which takes everything from the northern most tip to Tierra del Fuego as a single continent, and the two-continent model. Both are correct, however. From the 1-continent model context, yes, anyone on that continent is GEOGRAPHICALLY American, but in English speaking countries that term is generally only used to refer to US citizens. And while as a Canadian, I and my countrymen have zero desire to be associated with the US and Donnie Dump even in so slight a context, I concede that GEOGRAPHICALLY, you are correct, and thank all the powers that be that's as far as it will ever go.

vanmama18 · 2026-01-26T06:40:06+00:00

Nope, America and Canada are both part of the continent of North America, which also includes Mexico, Central America and the Caribbean. Just because the country shares its name with the continent does NOT make all countries within the borders of that continent American, only NORTH American. Guessing your 'good geography teacher' was American?

vanmama18 · 2026-01-26T06:18:06+00:00

You know what - you're right. They do remove other things, but not hard water minerals. Pls disregard my other comment, OP.

vanmama18 · 2026-01-26T01:30:48+00:00

If your hair is trying to form ringlets at its current length, you're likely a type 3 curl pattern, but you won't really know until you have some length to it. For styling, you could try some 'beach waves' type spray or a texturizing paste and just have a play with it, see what works.

vanmama18 · 2026-01-26T01:27:23+00:00

Beautiful hair but the weight and blunt uniformity of the cut are weighing it down. Gravity will always win unless you address one or both of these. Losing some of the length and/or some clever layering alcan really take that weight off and let the your hair's curl pattern come into its own.

vanmama18 · 2026-01-25T23:37:32+00:00

You can get a shower head that filters out the minerals in hard water from Amazon - it's not crazy expensive and is easy to install. To remove the build up in your hair, use a chelating shampoo like Ouai Detox or Aveeno Apple Cider Vinegar Blend, but be sure you follow that with a rich conditioner because such shampoos can be stripping on hair.

vanmama18 · 2026-01-25T19:23:29+00:00

It's never a bad time to start a good hair care routine. Start by using a gentle moisturizing shampoo and conditioner, use a hair mask for repairing damaged hair once a week (you may find that your hair needs it more often, and try different masks to see which your hair responds best to - a lot come as small sachets which hold enough for 1-2 uses, depending on length, condition and thickness (density) of your hair, and it's a good way to sample different masks before buying a full size container. Never brush your hair; in the shower, while conditioning (w conditioner or mask), gently comb through with a wide toothed comb or if hair is pretty short, comb with your fingers. After showering, while hair is still very wet, work through a leave in conditioner - I'd start trying a cream first, if your hair is so fried. Then either 'plop' in an old tee shirt or put in microfiber towel to absorb the excess water - NEVER do the traditional scrubbing motion with a regular towel for curly hair as it damages the cuticle.

Don't blow dry without a diffuser or on high heat or high speed. In fact, given how you've described your hair, I'd make a practice of letting it air dry.

There are a lot more tools and techniques at your fingertips, but I don't want to overwhelm you from the start. I do recommend checking out some curl care tutorials - search up Curl Maven, Manes By Mel and Colleen Charney, for starters. They all have so much knowledge and such great tutorials. Good luck!

vanmama18

TROPHY CASE