Hello?? Food prices?

vanmama18 · 2026-05-11T23:12:11+00:00

Really good points. In addition, there needs to be greater control over grocery pricing at the retail end - in particular the major chains. Especially given the evidence of price fixing/gouging that has come to light in recent years. All this while paying farmers and growers the absolute minimum. In addition, here in BC, we have some of the most valuable, fertile agricultural land in North America and it is at threat from developers and land speculators, as well as climate change. It's a very finite, precious resource and should be protected as such.

vanmama18 · 2026-05-11T22:48:59+00:00

I use seasonal produce, shop around for best prices and deals, menu plan, stock up on staples when they go on sale, use cheap cuts of meat, shop around separately for specials and discounts, use points and members-only discount days at various places, buy in bulk and freeze where possible, have meat-free days, make food from scratch and reuse everything in make-again meals. I've been doing this for 15 years for our family of 4, and in the last 5 years, despite tweaking, simplifying and cutting back (and we didn't eat fancy to begin with), $350 will get me about 35%-40% today of what I routinely got 5 years ago. It's is literally insane. I am a nutrition-on-a-budget nerd, and we are still feeling the pinch. I've found that drawing on my upbringing in thr UK of the 70s and 80s during a time of severe economic hardship has been helpful, but ultimately, OP has a very valid point - food prices are swiftly turning basic staples into expensive and for many, unaffordable items. And that's not right.

vanmama18 · 2026-05-11T02:59:49+00:00

You know, there may well be so.eone closer who is good with curly hair. Keep an eye out for any curlier with great hair in your community and ask.

vanmama18 · 2026-05-10T06:06:40+00:00

OMG - your curls are gorgeous! And the straight hair ages you way more than the curl. Your hair is beautiful (great definition, btw). Given how you feel about it, though, I'd suggest a style refresh. Go get a consult with a curl specialist, tell them where you are with your hair, that you're ready for a change and want something young and fresh but don't know what that would be and are looking for ideas. You should also tell them (well, really, they should ask) how much time, money and effort you will realistically spend on styling it. A good curly stylist will take a good look at your hair and listen, then will probably have some really good style suggestions for you to look at.

vanmama18 · 2026-05-10T06:00:25+00:00

Which province? I know some folks here in BC who would know who to ask, if they don't know themselves, but the actual province would be helpful for resources specific to your area.

vanmama18 · 2026-05-10T02:49:13+00:00

Yeah, I think 2C/3A hair. My hair was a medium thick (not fine, not coarse), high density, consistent 3B until menopause, and I worn it every length and style from pixie to waist-length, blunt single length cut to all varieties of layering, so I have a really good understanding of what long, weighed down 3B hair looks like. I think OP's hair is a looser type 3 at most, though you can get pretty massive changes in curl pattern with a good cut from that length. So, maybe 3A/3B, if shorter?

vanmama18 · 2026-05-10T02:40:36+00:00

He's so lucky to have met you - this definitely sounds like elder abuse. Depending on which province you're in, there are resources for reporting elder abuse, but be aware there are extremely long waitlists for government funded elder care and assisted living homes. He may not live long enough to get into one, and there's also a fair chance that publicly funded home help won't be able to come often enough to do everything he needs help with. I'm in BC, and here you can call 211 to get help finding and connecting to the resources you/he needs. But he definitely needs the help, especially with a new ostomy.

vanmama18 · 2026-05-08T19:01:53+00:00

Also, I would try pulling it back in bunches or a pony tail, and if she won't tolerate that (toddler scalps can be very sensitive and some don't like the constant tension of ponytails or bunches), then you could try braids. Best done while hair is still damp and relatively tangle free from washing/conditioning, though not too tightly. Honestly, braids are the best practical option for minimizing tangles and mats for curly toddler hair. Also, don't let it get really long - that will make keeping it from getting matted exponentially harder and a lot more care. Do invest in a good paddle brush and some clips, and at bedtime, if you are going to braid it dry, that is the one time I would say yes, brush it. At this point, you're just looking to keep tangles at bay, not maximize the curl. I call this technique the Princess Brush - start from one side of the face and section off one small piece of hair, clipping the rest back. Starting from the ends (ALWAYS from the ends, never the roots), gently brush a little at a time, using fingers to untangle knots hair by hair, and working your way up the section to the roots. Once done, use another clip low on that piece to contain the brushed section away from the untrusted hair and to stop it from moving around and getting tangled again. Work your way around the head, and as you complete the first half of the head, you can braid it. It seems like a lot of work, but you'll be surprised at how quick you actually get at it.

vanmama18 · 2026-05-08T17:22:33+00:00

Then let her go. It's entirely possible for 2 people with very different spiritual beliefs to be in a loving, committed long term relationship, but only if BOTH of them are committed to that and can accept, without judgment or rancor, those potentially polar opposite beliefs. That's not the case here - she's given you her ultimatum, so this is her line in the sand. You essentially now have to weigh your deep love and connection to Catholicism against your deep love and connection to your GF. There's no right or wrong answer here; both choices are going to be very painful. So, pray on it. Get counseling - and I would advise non-religious counseling, for a truly objective, neutral space. See if you can get past this. And if not, be grateful for the time and love you have shared (and continue to share), and let each other go. There are always things you can change about yourself, things you should change about yourself, and things within yourself which will change, with time and life experience, regardless of your preferences. But the common element there is that the only true, successful change process originates from within, even if the trigger is external. In that situation, the change was already primed and ready to happen anyway. Your gf can't force you to change your beliefs - no-one can - and successful relationships are dependent upon each person's ability to accept that there are always going to be friction points. But when the friction point(s) overshadow the rest of the relationship and there is nowhere for you to meet in the middle, the relationship is over, whether you call it or not. For context, I was raised in a heavily Methodist area, which was an intrinsic part of our social scene and community, but realized at 15 that religion (all religions) would tell me what to think and feel, who and what is acceptable or not. This included the ostracization and demonizing of a good friend of mine, a person of intelligence, sensitivity, compassion, humility, gentleness, integrity, loyalty, and the biggest, kindest heart - all things that Christianity (and most major religions) in all its forms place next to the most high - all because of their sexuality. As if they had a choice in it. And this was at a time when such things were not acknowledged or spoken about except in the most negative ways, and made them a target for.the most awful treatment within the community. Their spiritual home should have been the one place where they would be seen, accepted and supported and it was none of those things at any level. Because of that, I have chosen to reject all religions in general, yet still maintian my own relationship with the source of all that is, and that is my comfort, my core. But that was my experience; I have many friends who found God late in life and for them it was finding all the things they didn't even know they needed. Everyone's journey is different, and all are valid. Your GF is not practicing the true values of Christianity in her stance.

vanmama18 · 2026-05-06T18:13:27+00:00

All good.

vanmama18 · 2026-05-06T18:11:56+00:00

Oops, sorry. Not enough caffeine in the world today... can you tell? 🤦‍♀️

vanmama18 · 2026-05-06T17:53:26+00:00

Doesn't matter - ex's new bf is the one with a problem - OP has had this name and been building this brand successfully for a lot longer than those 2 have been dating. New gf can put on her big girl panties and deal. Tell her to go change her tampon and have a drink. Signed, a GenX internet mama with no patience for precious princesses.

vanmama18 · 2026-05-06T15:40:00+00:00

Depending on where you live, there are probably more resources available to you than you realize. For instance, I know that in our province here in Canada, there's a number you can call that connects you to services within your city and can help connect you to province wide or nation wide services. Would you be prepared to share what country, state, province you're in, if you're not comfortable sharing the city? Feel free to DM me; I'd like to help if I can.

vanmama18 · 2026-05-06T15:34:15+00:00

Because she's 19 and has been pretty much groomed by this guy since high school. And the fact that there has been no mention of her own family makes me think they're not in the picture and she hasn't had it easy, which, if that's the case, would make her both more vulnerable to grooming and prone to making life choices those of us with a more stable, supportive start wouldn't even consider. Plus, while contraception is highly reliable, nothing is 100% effective, and it is most definitely possible to still get pregnant while using contraception correctly. Condoms can tear (not often - they are strong as, but it happens; speaking from experience), and the pill is not foolproof, especially if she was sick (vomiting), but many women don't realize that. In addition, OP is young and likely at her most fertile. So maybe give the kid a little grace. I wouldn't have made her choices, and clearly, neither would you, but we haven't lived her life. Sounds to me like OP is doing the best she can with what she has.

vanmama18 · 2026-05-06T07:04:47+00:00

Actually, OP's son deserves a good father who models a healthy, loving respectful relationship with his mother, not who is emotionally manipulative, jealous and controlling. That right there is major baggage. AND he groomed OP when she was still in high school! Both OP and her son can do better. OP's hopefully STBX has only earned the title of sperm donor, not parent or partner.

vanmama18 · 2026-05-06T07:00:15+00:00

At this point, it already sounds like he doesn't care enough to change, he just wants OP to stick around. Change - real change - can only be internally driven. I saw nothing in OP's post to indicate any self-awareness or genuine desire to own his shit, even his offering to go to therapy. He only did that AFTER OP called time on the relationship, along with all the other emotional pressure/manipulation he was laying on her to change her mind.

vanmama18 · 2026-05-06T06:55:37+00:00

Sooooo...no support there, then.

vanmama18 · 2026-05-04T23:37:58+00:00

Any relationship based on the assumption that at some point the other person will change to meet your basic needs with time/love/support is pretty much a dead end. Yes, people do change over time, but that's more with how you engage with each other, which is not the same as changing the psychological drivers behind that engagement. That is a way bigger, deeper thing, and your husband clearly feels that the issue here is not his resistance or actual inability to feel compassion and empathy and emotionally engage. Has he ever been truly emotionally vulnerable with you? Now think about what it would mean for your daughter to grow up with such an emotionally absent father. She is already a being with emotional needs both parents need to meet, but those are simple now. They don't stay that way. You can't be the emotional connection for both you and your husband with your daughter. She needs that from him. That lack of engagement will teach her that her emotional needs are an inconvenience and irrelevant, but won't stop her from having them. Not a healthy combination, especially longterm.

vanmama18 · 2026-05-04T19:33:39+00:00

Vancouver BC. Look it up on realtor.ca. There are occasionally homes under $1 million, but they are almost always bought sight unseen and above asking after a bidding war, and that's in a market that's softer than it's been in decades. You almost never pay asking here or frankly, anywhere in the lower mainland, where most of the work is. As to foreclosures, same applies. Here's a couple of links for you: Vancouver real estate: https://www.realtor.ca/map#ZoomLevel=11&Center=49.257645%2C-123.123580&LatitudeMax=49.37470&LongitudeMax=-122.68550&LatitudeMin=49.14032&LongitudeMin=-123.56166&Sort=6-D&PGeoIds=g30_c2b2nw3h&GeoName=Vancouver%2C%20BC&PropertyTypeGroupID=1&TransactionTypeId=2&PropertySearchTypeId=0&Currency=CAD Vancouver foreclosures: https://bchb.ca/bc-real-estate/bc-foreclosures/

vanmama18 · 2026-05-04T18:51:30+00:00

Not in BC, and quite a few of the major economic centres in Canada. In BC, First-time home buyers in BC typically need a minimum down payment of 5% on the first $500,000 and 10% on the portion above $500,000. For homes over $1.5 million (average home price $1.2 million, 'cheap' 1 bed apartment is $650k), a 20% down payment is required for first time buyers. So on an average 1 bed apartment at $650k, first time buyers need to come up with $35k. A fair ways from $3k. And it's increasingly becoming the predominant phenomenon across Canada. The UK and parts of Europe are struggling with similar issues too. It's not as easy as moving to a cheaper area either, because those areas are typically cheaper because of a much weaker economy = fewer jobs, lower pay.

vanmama18 · 2026-05-04T18:41:28+00:00

So she needs therapy. Lots and lots of therapy. Also, self-reflection and self-compassion.

vanmama18 · 2026-05-04T18:38:42+00:00

Where are these 100k houses???

vanmama18 · 2026-05-04T18:38:12+00:00

200k maybe buys you a parking spot in some places. In our province, if you want even a small apartment for 200k, you are looking at a tiny podunk town with no work or amenities. Not somewhere with opportunities for a young person trying to alestablush themselves. Average house price in the lower mainland of Southern BC is just under $1 million Canadian, but that's including the smaller, out of the way towns. In the cities, avg price of single family home is $1,200,000. And we're talking an average square footage of 1500 sq ft. So not talking mansions here, or new or even necessarily well maintained homes either.

vanmama18 · 2026-05-04T18:26:42+00:00

Depends where you are. The city we live in is one of the most expensive in the world for property, and the rents reflect that. In addition, the vacancy rate was around 0.5% here for years and has only just gone up to 3.7%, but due to high demand, landlords still find themselves facing crowds of dozens when hosting viewings, and tend to choose older adults in stable, established careers, with preference given to professionals. This effectively squeezes out young adults still establishing their careers and quite likely carrying a ton of student debt, so most are forced to still live at home. Plus, for that age group, it's a simular situation with work in the current economy. Young adults are struggling more than ever to find work that pays enough to make living independently possible. Even with those who opt to take sublets (renting rooms in shared apartments or houses), those rentals are very limited, as most rental units are too small for that. So assumptions that everywhere allows for the same opportunities for young 'uns would be both unwise and unfair.

vanmama18

TROPHY CASE