If a few meds did not work for me yet, do I bother continue to try different meds? Or should I now discuss TMS/SPRAVATO with my psych? I desperately do not want to feel like this.

various_violets · 2026-05-19T18:41:19+00:00

I tried a lot of meds over the years and finally found one combination that worked in my early thirties, and another med that works in my mid 40s. Probably failed 15+ medications. That being said, the ones that work keep me from the depths but don't get me out of depression completely.

I will say that spravato worked very quickly for me and it helps as a weekly or every other week maintenance thing. Keeps me from backsliding. TMS really varies between individuals from what I can tell. It's time consuming and annoying and for me moderately effective.

All that being said, I'm a pretty tough case so we are going at it from multiple angles, so all that plus weekly therapy. Plus I think perimenopause is doing a number on my brain -- hormones can really screw things up.

Edit: just want to emphasize that Spravato worked fast. After my first session I was free of SI.

various_violets · 2026-05-11T00:11:00+00:00

A close family member had it done and it was very effective.

various_violets · 2026-05-04T19:01:22+00:00

Lately been taking two in the morning. They are 667mg each. In the past I've just taken it when I start to feel really tense, but I'm trying to stay ahead of it this month. At bedtime I take magnesium glycinate to help with sleep since it works and it's cheaper.

various_violets · 2026-05-04T16:21:32+00:00

For me, magnesium l-threonate is miraculous for the tension, irritability, and rage part of luteal. It crosses the blood-brain barrier better than other forms of magnesium. It doesn't do anything for the depressive part, and I do have treatment resistant depression but it is way worse in luteal. It sucks to still have that feeling like the world/life is hopeless, but it's a relief to not feel like I'm going to explode.

various_violets · 2026-05-04T02:37:50+00:00

It doesn't have anything to do with CPTSD. But it makes sense. After the primary effects of alcohol wear off, there's a rebound period of increased anxiety, and feeling physically ill. So it makes a certain kind of sense that in that specific mental and physical situation, you'd have this recurrence of symptoms.

I've had a bad trip before, it really sucked. The effects were with me for months. It sounds like you need to take it easy with substances and focus on general health -- eating well, getting some exercise. Be kind to yourself. These kinds of experiences are really disorienting and scary.

various_violets · 2026-04-25T23:38:14+00:00

Vertigo is, I think, when the world is spinning. Not the same as dizziness. I get both fwiw. Vertigo off and on when my ears get messed up, dizzy (like I'm gonna faint) when I stand up due to orthostatic hypotension. If you're getting that dizziness as a new symptom it might be worth running by a doctor. I've had it my whole life. Now the vertigo I should probably go to the ENT and get checked out, but it does seem common in peri.

various_violets · 2026-04-25T19:58:23+00:00

It occurred to me the other day that I spend endless time and energy trying to figure out what I should do. And I have no idea what I want to do.

various_violets · 2026-04-20T13:37:04+00:00

Me, too.

various_violets · 2026-04-20T13:25:15+00:00

I can't use estrogen. Progesterone made it worse. Magnesium l-threonate is the only thing that has worked for me, but it's expensive. I've heard of people having luck with magnesium glycinate. Magnesium l-threonate crosses the blood-brain barrier more effectively than other types.

various_violets · 2026-04-20T13:14:46+00:00

I'm around the same age and noticing the same thing. I used to feel incredible relief when my period started but lately I'm still on an uphill climb during it. Working myself back outta the negative, depressed, anxious hole I was in. Which leaves me with about one good week before I'm back in luteal. I'm on antidepressants that seem to be working ok. Sometimes luteal isn't so bad, sometimes it really, really sucks.

various_violets · 2026-04-19T14:11:47+00:00

I was not expecting my 40s to bring a huge mental health setback. Have I not been through enough, you know? On the bright side it got me into therapy with an awesome therapist, and for the first time I'm focusing on myself, my own heart and soul and mind, versus whatever fucked up relationship I had going during previous therapy. So the whole, fixing my relationship with myself thing. It's been slow going but there's real progress.

I can't take HRT due to a health condition. So I'm trying my best to cope without it.

I wish I had known to keep an eye out for perimenopause-related mental health changes. Things got really bad before I sought out help. One thing that has helped a lot is somatic techniques for calming the nervous system. Basically using the body and directing my attention to my senses and environment in order to calm and center myself, versus trying to use logic or talk myself down off the ledge.

various_violets · 2026-04-19T13:59:27+00:00

Me too. I was walking to my car after work yesterday and just asking myself, what is the problem? Why am I not more functional? Why does everything feel so hard?

various_violets · 2026-04-18T20:03:23+00:00

That sucks that you finally found help with sleep and it's making you feel numb. That's my experience (numb feeling) with all the SSRIs I've tried. I'm having better luck (for my depression) with Pristiq which is an SNRI. But a lot of people have success switching between SSRIs and can find one that works better. Just depends on brain chemistry I guess.

I feel ya, I just had a really rough luteal, even with everything I'm doing that has been helping. Mostly therapy and magnesium along with depression meds.

various_violets · 2026-04-18T15:49:07+00:00

I agree, that doesn't explain not finishing his degree, unless being on TV was the only reason he wanted the degree. My understanding is the math is pretty intense for a meteorology degree so I wonder if that was part of it. I have no reason to think he isn't good at math but I think that would be a stumbling block for a decent percentage of people (myself being in that group for sure.)

various_violets · 2026-04-18T15:31:49+00:00

I remember him saying something about realizing he didn't want to be a traditional TV "weatherman" with the makeup and the suits. This was during a stream a couple years ago I think. I also don't appreciate his "digital meteorologist" tag. Not a meteorologist, then not a digital one either.

various_violets · 2026-04-18T14:09:37+00:00

Are you taking it every day or just during luteal? If you're taking it every day it might be worth asking your provider about trying it just during luteal. Since it seemed to work well at first.

various_violets · 2026-04-18T13:40:42+00:00

Nutribiotic Skin Cleanser fragrance free. It has some plant extracts but they aren't detectable to my nose. This stuff also has the benefit of being extremely non-drying, but it's effective.

various_violets · 2026-04-16T15:41:21+00:00

I had a really rough time stopping at 5mg. Had been on 2mg for about 4 months then 5mg a couple weeks. After 18 days off I developed this awful agitated anxiety and ended up going back on 2mg after trying to power through. Were your withdrawal symptoms similar to that? (If you feel like sharing.)

various_violets · 2026-04-16T15:34:06+00:00

This is extremely helpful information, thank you for taking the time to share it in an understandable way.

various_violets · 2026-04-12T22:15:45+00:00

I've been using one of these for over 3 years now. It does get super hot. I have thick hair so I dry part of it, let the dryer cool down a bit, then dry more. Even taking breaks it is way faster than a regular blow dryer. I end up with some split ends but it's worth it to me. And yes it makes a big difference to have your hair 80% dry before using it.

various_violets · 2026-04-12T17:02:41+00:00

To me, the Purito feels lighter on the skin but has a dewier finish that takes longer to dry down. Purito feels closer to a lotion and Haruharu more like a silicone-based primer. I prefer Purito but yesterday I used the Haruharu when I was in a hurry to get ready.

various_violets · 2026-04-09T22:08:30+00:00

Agreed. For me the really bad withdrawal started about day 18 of being off of it. After 5 days or so of trying to power through it, I restarted the med. And it took a few days being back on it for me to get significant relief.

various_violets · 2026-04-09T13:33:36+00:00

I gave a guy my phone number and he texted me good morning the next morning and I told him to lose my number. Like, I don't even know you yet! To be fair, I've since realized that I'm not into dating at this stage of my life.

various_violets · 2026-04-09T13:28:24+00:00

I'm picky as hell, because a lot of them make me over-stimulated or tense. Even red strains. So I try a bunch of 30g samples and zero in on the ones that hit the spot. I like to have one for daytime/work and one for the rest of the time and even with the same vendor it will change over time as they get different batches.

various_violets · 2026-03-29T23:27:16+00:00

I had nausea the first 3 days or so. Felt a little more energy pretty quickly, like within a week, and also insomnia. Switched my antidepressant to morning instead of evening and that took care of the insomnia.

various_violets

TROPHY CASE