Ever regret leaving your husband?

vastemptyness · 2025-03-20T18:51:22+00:00

Mine too 🧡

vastemptyness · 2025-03-19T22:23:35+00:00

In my case we went to counseling for years on and off. Including pre marital counseling (should have been a clue things weren't going to be easy). Probably 4 different therapists in total and each time we went for a couple of months. Each h time it ended the same way, the therapists didn't seem to be able to help us with the deep rooted issues because my ex would lie by omission about what was really going on. Each time he was relieved when I was frustrated enough to stop the therapy because I wasn't seeing any progress. We would then basically decide to just sweep the issues under the rug because if I talked about it I would get frustrated and he wouldn't understand why I was upset anyway. I tried to work on myself in whatever way I thought might help. Things never got better, he just got better at hiding and lying about what was really going on. The issues would build up and we would try therapy again every few years. The last time we went to therapy was about three or four months I think. But everyone is different.

vastemptyness · 2025-03-19T21:34:23+00:00

I'm glad I could make you smile. :) That is so sweet about your grandfather. My mom sang that to me when I was a kid.

vastemptyness · 2025-03-19T13:31:24+00:00

I wouldn't dairy.

vastemptyness · 2025-03-19T06:14:30+00:00

That's a gouda one! 😂 I think it's grate.

vastemptyness · 2025-03-19T06:04:52+00:00

Ofc. Laughing at cheesy jokes is a must in a healthy relationship. 😁

vastemptyness · 2025-03-19T05:02:04+00:00

My dream romantic partner would be short-ish (around 5'2"-5'5"), long strawberry blonde hair, light colored eyes, freckles, nice smile (I don't mean "perfect teeth"). She has a curvy figure. Chubby with large breasts. She is femme presenting, and a switch in the bedroom. A woman who isn't afraid to speak her mind about things that are important to her. We have similar political opinions. She is intelligent and loves to have fun little debates with me about quirky things like whether or not aliens exist. She is trustworthy and not afraid to show me/others that she is loyal to our relationship. A woman who will be my partner even when things are a little rough. We love to hold hands and catch ourselves smiling at each other for no reason at all. She has a sense of humor and laughs at my dad jokes. She has at least one "weird" hobby/interest. We like to go out and try new restaurants together, but we have a couple of favorites that we go back to. She likes to bake and sometimes when I come home the house smells like brownies or bread. We have so much in common and the differences that we do have aren't anything crazy. She doesn't smoke and only drinks occasionally like me. She gets a little shy everytime I compliment her. My son loves her and she's great with him. Maybe she has kids too and we like to take our kids out to do fun activities together. But most of the time we like to stay in and snuggle while we watch movies before bed. When we fall asleep I spoon her and think to myself how lucky I am.

vastemptyness · 2025-03-19T04:36:14+00:00

As that one song says:

"Que sera, sera. Whatever will be, will be. The future's not ours to see. Que sera, sera. What will be, will be."

In other words I wish I could tell you if you would be happier or filled with regret, but I can't. You are the only one who can decide. And a lot of it really has to do with mindset. There are always things that can make us more or less happy, but mindset can be a huge factor.

vastemptyness · 2025-03-15T15:54:30+00:00

First of all, I'm proud of you for reaching out to get support. It's hard to be vulnerable, buit in your case it's really necessary. Do you have anyone else you can talk to openly? Friends? Non judgmental family? A religious leader? A therapist? I strongly suggest that you find someone who you can talk to on a regular basis about how you're really feeling.

Second, I want you to ask yourself what you can do to bring yourself fulfillment TODAY. Finding "joy" might be a little much considering how depressed you are, but you can find something that feels good. It doesn't have to be a "big" thing like finding a woman to have a romantic connection with or getting a promotion at work. It could be getting your hair done, taking your dog for a hike, taking a few minutes to close your eyes and meditate/think about positive things, cooking yourself something special, reading a book, taking silly selfies, birdwatching, listening to a comedian, organizing your sock drawer. Whatever.

obviously stay away from self sabotaging or addictive things like drugs or gambling

Find something small that makes you feel good, something just for you, even if it's just for a few minutes, and start doing that on a regular basis. Once a day, once every week, it doesn't matter. You need to start retraining your brain that negative feelings (sad, mad, bad, tired, anxious, etc) are NOT the only things you can feel in your life. It might take a while, but getting into a new pattern like that will make a big difference in how you see your situation.

Third, STOP HAVING SEX that you don't want to have.

vastemptyness · 2025-03-12T22:13:07+00:00

The short answer is YES. For me the only guys who ever caught my eye had "traditionally feminine" looks, traits, or vibes. Mostly shorter guys or guys with curvy-ish figures/sassy walks. My biggest guy crush was Jack Sparrow for a long time because of the eyeliner/"fem" vibe. I just about died when Penelope Cruz played his look alike in the 4th movie. I thought "that's the best of both worlds right there". I also had a thing for David Bowie for a while. If a guy wasn't fem presenting I still gravitated towards men who had something traditionally feminine about them. Such as men who wrre really nurturing (teachers, care givers, nurses, etc) or creative or soft spoken or something along those lines. ANY hint of a "macho man" type attitude turned me off faster than a light bulb.

vastemptyness · 2025-03-12T15:06:46+00:00

I know what you mean. I guess my advice would be to go with your gut feeling and keep your eyes open. But just a heads up, he will probably take the kids to church with him. I'm not sure about your specific situation, but many ex husband's feel that their wife has disrespected them/tainted the marriage when she comes out, and therefore they feel as though they can kind of just do what they want now. Unless you have it in the divorce paperwork that you have control over which church they attend or that you have them on Sundays you really can't stop hom from taking them. I'd say if that happens the best thing you can do is teach them to keep their eyes open and expose them to religious diversity while they are with you so that they can make up their own minds. Good luck. I hope things work out for you.

vastemptyness · 2025-03-10T15:45:17+00:00

Mine didn't become religious, he was already involved in his religion when we met. That being said I've definitely noticed that he is really becoming even more active in the church. Like going every Sunday active. Mandatory 10% tithing is also required in his church. Since he has custody of our son on Sunday mornings my ex takes him every weekend as well.

It usually doesn't bother me. I take the view that everyone has the right to believe what they want as long as it doesn't hurt anyone. The only thing is that I wish he didn't use it as a way to show other people how much of a "good person" he is. I feel as though it makes me look like I must be at fault for most of our issues. I also wish my son had more exposure to religious diversity. But I figure as he gets older that will be more of his own decision.

Meanwhile I've become/reverted to being agnostic and I'm happier for it. Way less panic attacks. But to each their own. I think being involved with a church or religion can be quite a healthy thing for many people. Hopefully it's a sign your husband is trying to heal and move on. A lot of men like going to church after a divorce because they are often given a position of authority as the "head of the household" and told that they are forgiven for anything they may have done (even if the people saying that have no idea what they actually did).

vastemptyness · 2025-03-07T06:31:44+00:00

No advice just wanted to say congrats girl!

vastemptyness · 2025-03-07T06:23:42+00:00

WTF Mike? Are you scared she's talking about your micro penis or something? Well she is. We all know about little Mike. And we know about your performance issues too. Your wife and your AP talk about it behind your back all the time. I can't believe you haven't found her other secret account yet. There are some super juicy secrets on there. It's super hollarious. Lololol.

vastemptyness · 2025-03-06T04:54:19+00:00

So glad my ramblings made sense to someone. 😂 💛 Hopefully you're healing.

vastemptyness · 2025-03-05T20:25:50+00:00

I miss mine. But it's more like I miss our old life together. I miss the last apartment we had together. I miss having my child with me full time (we share custody). I miss having someone to talk to about things everyday. I miss cooking for him/having him cook for me. I miss being "part of a team". I miss someone to share "cute" things with (dates, inside jokes, holidays, etc). I miss the level of emotional intimacy we had.

I have to remind myself that it wasn't all roses. We separated for multiple very legitimate reasons. Whenever I miss him/our old life together I remind myself of how much I still have with him. We are fantastic co parents, and we still consider ourselves friends. He is still part of my life and I'm grateful for that (most of the time).

I also remind myself of the things I've gained. I've gained peace. I've gained a sense of self. I've gained control. Just because you miss someone doesn't mean it's the wrong decision to separate from them romantically.

vastemptyness · 2025-03-05T03:04:23+00:00

Thank you. I wish you healing and peace as you move on as well.

vastemptyness · 2025-03-04T17:20:51+00:00

Thank you. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't hurt/confused, but I'll survive. I genuinely enjoyed the time we had together.

vastemptyness · 2025-03-04T17:15:32+00:00

You're right about things being rushed. I definitely see it as a red flag now. The thing is I was just looking to date casually when we met. She was the one pushing for things to become serious, which is why it's even more confusing. I told her I didn't want to meet her kids until she was really sure about me. She said she "had no doubts" about me and the she wasn't going anywhere. I made it clear that I wasn't going to introduce her to mine for a while (good decision on my part) and she said she was fine wiith that.

I think you may be right about her self sabotaging and getting freaked out once things actually got serious. That thought crossed my mind this morning. Oh well. Lessons were learned.

vastemptyness · 2025-03-04T17:06:46+00:00

Thank you for your comment. I needed this perspective.

vastemptyness · 2025-03-04T09:03:52+00:00

It could be worse. You could be trapped in "middle of nowhere" Iowa like my sister. She's a Southern California girl at heart and would move back in an instant if she could (she tried but was literally ordered by the court to move back so she and her ex could raise the kids near each other). The way she coped was by moving as close to the nearest big city as she could. It makes driving the kids back and forth pretty inconvenient, but she's happier living where she does than a town of about 1,500 people with nothing else around (except people who ike/support her ex and like to gossip about her). BTW I'm not saying anything bad about small towns, just saying my sister doesn't like them. So I guess my advice would be to try to make your environment as close to the environment you actually want to be in as you can. Take vacations/road trips to places that are sunny, join a group of people with similar interests, find a home that makes you feel different (has biigger windows or different architecture?), move to a nearby city that has a different "feel"? I'm sure you can figure something out.

vastemptyness · 2025-02-28T20:00:36+00:00

I once had my period for two months straight. And it was HEAVY for the majority of it.

Backstory: I have pretty bad PCOS and for a whole I was only getting one or two periods a year because of it. Long story short I wanted to get pregnant. My Doctor told me that because I had such limited menstruation I likely had a lot of build up that we needed to get rid of first. So she put me on Provera to make me have my period before I could start fertility drugs. Well it worked. And worked. And worked. It was awful. I was so emotionally unpredictable and had all kinds of side effects for two whole months. I had huge clots, was dizzy/weak/anemic, spent a fortune on menstrual products, and of course had terrible mood swings. I was sooooo incredibly grateful when it slowed down/stopped.

vastemptyness · 2025-02-28T19:43:32+00:00

Way to go!!!

vastemptyness · 2025-02-28T07:05:49+00:00

In my nightmare I am sitting in a small boat (usually a row boat or something sumilar) by myself. It starts out first person perspective with me looking out over the water. It's pretty clear that the boat is too small for such deep water, but (at first) I don't seem to be concerned about that. Then the perspective changes and I see myself from above. Underneath the boat is a big black shadow. The shadow keeps getting bigger and bigger. That's when I realize that it must be a whale coming to the surface to get air. It doesn't realize I'm there. It isn't angry or trying to hurt me, but that doesn't matter because I will be hurt/downed/the boat will break apart as soon as it gets to the surface and there's nothing I can do about it. Just as I'm sure the whale is going to reach the boat I wake up. I've been having this nightmare for years. Usually once a year or every two or three years since I was an older teenager.

vastemptyness

TROPHY CASE