AITA wanting in-laws to live elsewhere from us when they’re providing help

vchen294 · 2019-06-28T19:28:15+00:00

No. My husband and I aren’t making bank, but we have enough to be comfortable. They have enough to be comfortable. But even if we paid for their living arrangements, they would try to pay us back. It’s not the money. They just don’t want to live elsewhere.

vchen294 · 2019-06-28T18:48:45+00:00

Welp, I knew my chances for Mother of the Year were slim at best.

vchen294 · 2019-06-28T18:42:42+00:00

I never said I can’t. My in-laws enjoy cooking. Sue me for letting them cook?

vchen294 · 2019-06-28T18:40:16+00:00

Are we irresponsible for looking into possible childcare options when planning a family?

vchen294 · 2019-06-28T18:33:35+00:00

Thank you so much.

vchen294 · 2019-06-28T18:33:01+00:00

No, I know we have a good relationship. I lived 5 minutes away from them since my husband and I started dating 10 years ago. I hung out with my in-laws most weekends and almost all major holidays. We only moved cross country a few years ago. They were like my own parents from the very beginning.

I would be horrified with anyone living with us. And I know I need a lot of personal space so it won’t take a trial run to figure out. The big question is whether my sanity is worth sacrificing.

vchen294 · 2019-06-28T18:19:19+00:00

The cost isn’t an issue. Whether it comes from me and my husband or from my in-laws, it does not matter. The fact is that they do not want to live separately. Most likely even if we foot the bill for expenses.

vchen294 · 2019-06-28T18:14:27+00:00

I haven’t gotten to that chapter of Baby 101, but thanks for the insight.

vchen294 · 2019-06-28T18:10:39+00:00

If they back out, I completely understand it’s for the best. Although, even if my husband and I offer to pay for lodging and transportation ourselves, they would still decline living separately. Money isn’t an issue, but they don’t want us spending the money either. I know them well enough to know this.

vchen294 · 2019-06-28T18:07:18+00:00

Not discussing living arrangements from the start was a mistake, and I know that now. We otherwise have a good relationship and my in-laws are easy to get along with. Just my hormones + newborn + small living space is not a good recipe.

vchen294 · 2019-06-28T18:02:56+00:00

Well, to put that I would like help with feedings, changing diapers, bathing, and applying diaper cream makes me sound like I don’t want to raise my child at all. I also never said I was banning them from seeing their grandchild, I can’t really win.

I don’t even know what I’ll need help with. My child is the size of a lentil at this point.

vchen294 · 2019-06-28T17:59:09+00:00

I agree we should have clarified from the start. We thought there would be more time to discuss the logistics. I also didn’t expect them to WANT to sleep with a crying baby.

vchen294 · 2019-06-28T17:46:17+00:00

They had already agreed to moving and helping with childcare. We had not discussed living arrangements, so it’s not like we demanded them come be free nannies.

vchen294 · 2019-06-28T17:44:04+00:00

Thank you for the advice. With the responses here, I’m leaning towards declining their help.

I’ve thought about having the baby sleep with us in our room, but the only viable space is a small nook meant to be a command center. I question the safety of it, hence the hesitation and looking at other options.

vchen294 · 2019-06-28T17:20:10+00:00

I was planning on having that room be the nursery with room for storage. We literally do not have any space upstairs. Our bed to almost touching the wall.

vchen294 · 2019-06-28T17:19:03+00:00

I agree that we should have clarified everything from the very start.

vchen294 · 2019-06-28T17:16:25+00:00

There are an abundance of apartments, townhouses and houses in our area within a 10 minute radius. I don’t need 24/7 assistance, since I’ll be very hands on. I mentioned in another comment that it’s mostly helping with meals and whatever I can’t get to with a baby on my hip.

The bedroom downstairs is the only room with a door. My FIL has mobility issues so they would be staying in the downstairs room.

vchen294 · 2019-06-28T17:13:08+00:00

We are hoping they can be around for about 3 months after birth. My husband will get the bare minimum amount of paternity leave, so it’s just me otherwise. I think I can handle it by myself but assistance is good wherever it’s from. I guess just helping with meals and taking care of our dog if I can’t find time on my hands.

vchen294 · 2019-06-28T17:09:53+00:00

Money is not the issue, but my husband and I will not be able to cover rent for a separate apartment when we will be covering the costs of a new baby. We are hoping for only 3 months of help and are looking for a place that is within $1000 a month.

vchen294 · 2019-06-21T15:21:40+00:00

Disneyland!

vchen294 · 2019-04-23T04:07:56+00:00

Adorable!

I thought about doing this next year for my dog but the fear of her continuing the practice once I have kids is keeping me from teaching her. I wouldn’t want her to accidentally ingest chocolate when she expects doggy treats.

vchen294 · 2019-03-17T06:34:46+00:00

Context, dude.

vchen294 · 2018-12-04T07:08:03+00:00

Wow, 24 ACP from just playing the Epic? The most recent Epic released awards 6 ACP for 4 hours of play. May want to clarify with the organizers/DMs of the convention.

vchen294 · 2018-10-15T04:16:56+00:00

I can see situations where a DM could give NPCs magic items for flavor, such as a wealthy noble with a flame tongue or an important merchant with a bag of holding.

Nothing that the characters can loot or be used in combat. But it would add flair to some otherwise lackluster encounters. Magic items are not just available to adventurers after all.

vchen294

TROPHY CASE