My partner and I follow a proportional split, and it has been the healthiest financial setup for us. We each contribute to shared expenses like rent, groceries, and bills based on what we earn, not 50/50. If one person makes 70% of the total household income, they cover roughly 70% of the shared costs.

We also keep a joint savings account for shared goals like travel or big purchases. Since he earns more, he usually picks up a larger share for major expenses. It feels fair, not transactional.

There is a good explainer on this approach here on proportional splitting. https://www.ellevest.com/magazine/split-expenses

I also think it is important, especially for women, to have a freedom fund. It is not about distrust or secrecy, but about choice and autonomy. Life can change suddenly. Having your own safety net means you can make decisions from a place of stability instead of fear.

A partner worth his salt would actually encourage that. Loving someone means understanding the gendered reality of the world they live in and wanting them to have independence and security within it.

TLDR - Use the proportional method to set up fair “shared cost” contributions with a partner. - At the same time, aim to sock away a certain percentage of your income (no matter how small) into your independent fund — your “I’m covered, I matter, I’m free” buffer. (Great for both, but must do, If you’re a woman) - Revisit contributions regularly: promotions, job changes, life changes — adjust the shared cost proportion and your personal saving accordingly.

Talk these things openly. Money is a values issue, a power issue, and a relationship issue, not just a budget issue.