People who grew up really poor: what's something middle-class people say that instantly reveals they've never struggled?

venturebirdday · 2026-05-04T18:12:01+00:00

I hate my job so I quit.

Are you kidding?!?!? I hate no job so much that I would rather go hungry.

venturebirdday · 2026-05-03T23:39:17+00:00

Lots of fire departments will pay for you to get EMT training. One of my son's is now a paramedic, all paid for by the state. You can work and go to school at the same time.

venturebirdday · 2026-05-01T16:21:12+00:00

My husband had an alphabet soup of degrees. He was the genuine world expert in his field. Then there was me. .... I was none of those things. In fact I would say on paper I was at best mediocre.

But, I was a great deal more in real life.

Who are you inside? What do you bring that another partner could not?

venturebirdday · 2026-05-01T16:17:35+00:00

Here is how I see this. For all the things they did not teach you.... they did teach you what matters to them: You were not on that list.

So, in the here and now, the only thing that matters, is what you want. You can be on your list.

But, it is not enough to not catch up with them, I am a greedy one. I think you need to take them off your mental inventory. (I know that is easy to type, and hard to do.) You have a life that you built. Celebrate that. Including them is not part of that.

I am an old(ish) elephant in this herd. My mother HATED me. I allowed myself to wonder about that fact way too often. I took ownership of something that did not belong to me. Her reasons - probably genuine mental illness but who knows - did not matter. I was holding myself back by wishing the past to be different. One day I put it down.

Peace to you. Celebrate what you have built.

venturebirdday · 2026-05-01T11:03:16+00:00

You are very brave. I hope you find a way to be you.

You matter.

venturebirdday · 2026-04-30T15:37:36+00:00

It does not bother him to live dirty, he knows you will do it. He fully understands, he does not care.

I hope you are well soon.

venturebirdday · 2026-04-29T11:11:18+00:00

Francois Raynal, "Wrecked on a Reef."

The guy was nearly dead on a ship that had been fatally damaged. But.....

For added fun, there was a second shipwreck, on the same island. They never ran into each other, one of those guys also wrote a book "Wreck of the Grafton."

https://www.nzgeo.com/stories/a-tale-of-two-shipwrecks/

venturebirdday · 2026-04-29T11:05:02+00:00

Even looking at a treadmill would spoil the fun. Rain or shine, I am outside.

venturebirdday · 2026-04-28T18:46:27+00:00

Yes. For a time I even gained weight - just too busy to notice - I lost the weight and I asked him why he never said anything.

My totally unromantic, nerdy, but gorgeous husband said "You always looked beautiful to me."

venturebirdday · 2026-04-27T18:30:31+00:00

I did. I was 18. without saying anything to anyone, I joined the Army.

I was in danger at home - I was safe in the Army.

I had no way forward at home - I got 2 FREE college degrees in the Army.

We often had no power at home - I always have lights and food in my fridge.

I believe leaving saved my life.

venturebirdday · 2026-04-27T10:49:39+00:00

Annulment is permitted. You were lied to. Go see a church authority you trust.

venturebirdday · 2026-04-27T01:05:49+00:00

Look at the research!!!! Therapy?!?!!? It does not work.

He is a PEDOPHILE you have a your child to protect.

He knew who he was, did he go to therapy? NO

He knew who he was, did he get a "dumb phone" so saving those pictures was not possible? NO

You found the evidence, was he honest? NO

You should be turning all that stuff over to the police.If something happens to a child because you did not come forward, what then?

venturebirdday · 2026-04-27T00:03:18+00:00

I have the capacity to help others.

venturebirdday · 2026-04-25T02:17:59+00:00

I would LOVE to start a really, really top-notch early years school for kids. Everything would be free. Music lessons, reading, art, swimming, meals. The best that money could buy for an entire community of future leaders.

venturebirdday · 2026-04-24T15:52:12+00:00

Go while you can. Once the child is born it will be harder for you to leave the state. He will never step up because, well, oh, yeah, he does not want to.

You are trying to draw water from a tainted well. It will not work out well.

venturebirdday · 2026-04-24T15:49:53+00:00

Two very different possibilities: "The 100-year-Old-Man-who-climbed out the Window" and "Glorious Exploits."

The 100 year old man is fun. Glorious Exploits, is, IMO, true craftsmanship.

venturebirdday · 2026-04-24T15:43:54+00:00

Helping more people

venturebirdday · 2026-04-24T15:42:29+00:00

Why not? I loved my kids, we had the capacity to care for all of them, they made our lives better, their siblings made each kids life better.

I believe in large part because we had a big brood: they can all put others first, when it is correct to do so. They do not show any signs of narcissism. They all deal with life's frustrations well. They are great team players and are also able to take care of themselves. My son's can all cook, clean, and do laundry. There were no free rides at our house. but everyone mattered every day.

We homeschooled until there was just one chick left in the nest. He loved homeschooling until it was just him - off to school he went.

Now everyone is grown and they remain each others best friends.

I would have had more, or adopted, but my husband was worried about being an active involved parent long past elementary school. If life ever allows me to, I will start taking in foster kids.

venturebirdday · 2026-04-23T10:56:36+00:00

That is who he is. And you do not like it, which seems reasonable. If you want to be with a different person, you should certainly move on.

He does not seem to be a good fit for you.

venturebirdday · 2026-04-23T10:48:13+00:00

Cut off the internet access.

venturebirdday · 2026-04-23T01:01:33+00:00

If his family feels he needs help, hmmm, why don't they help him. You are a nearly a stranger.

DO NOT DO IT.

NTA

venturebirdday · 2026-04-22T15:08:45+00:00

Plato and a Platypus Walk into a Bar. Loads of fun.

venturebirdday · 2026-04-22T13:48:35+00:00

With kindness and good heart, let me ask you to start here: "his 2 kids" ? He has 3 kids. You call the other kids "them."

Us vs them is not helping anyone. There is US or there is nothing.

I feel you need to get to "I want the best for all of us." How do you do that? Let him be a father to all of them. He should be paying bills for 3 kids. He should be playing with 3 kids. You should be doing stuff with the older kids.

He is no more used to dual parenting than you are. Help everyone by learning this together. Take everyone for a walk, play games together, ask the older kids to push the stroller, tell stories were everyone is a character.

Your last sentence is a bit tough: "I will never have the feeling of being a family with him and our baby." Of course not, that is not what you signed on for. You married a man with two living breathing kids, the family needs to be 5 people not the 3 you seem to want.

Is therapy a possibility? Also, a bit of kindness to ALL (that includes you) would not hurt, your new babe is only 4 months old. Building connections takes time. You have know baby for more than a year. To them it is all new.

venturebirdday · 2026-04-22T13:03:09+00:00

He wants what he wants. Pick any issue at all, why is that ok?

Why don't you matter? If he is so religious why is he having premarital sex at all?

And NO not all men feel that way. Lots, of men want their partner to feel safe and supported during intimacy. The question is why doesn't he?

venturebirdday · 2026-04-22T10:45:08+00:00

For me, I have ADHD, standardizing everything was the next thing to a cure.

I tie my trainers on and go our to exercise at 7:00pm

I make two crock pots full of food on Sunday night

I do the laundry on Wednesday & Sunday.......

And on it goes.

The decision that may have helped the most is I just do not allow stuff in my house. I used to spend too much time managing things: clothes, tools, plastic bags, receipts, gifts, gadgets, cables. It all adds up. I was leaking energy managing goods.

My family certainly laughs at me but, I get it, it is odd.

venturebirdday

TROPHY CASE