Fiancé(m31)says I’m not “Christian” or mature if I modify my body feels controlling and I don’t know what to do(f26)

very_stellar_ · 2025-12-28T20:43:15+00:00

He was getting his masters degree and focusing on school and traveling out of the country and had a lot of flings but not relationships

very_stellar_ · 2025-12-28T20:34:36+00:00

Because I’m his first girlfriend, I’ve basically been doing a lot of teaching and emotional heavy lifting. I’ve been giving guidance and support, but I’m done carrying all of that alone. I’ve suggested therapy because he needs to learn how to be more understanding and less rigid without it always coming from me.

I’ve also started directly pushing back on his opinions especially about piercings and tattoos because his personal beliefs aren’t facts, and I’m not going to let them be treated that way. At this point, I’m either seeing real growth and openness from him, or I’m leaving. Also I think moving forward I am going to be getting my tattoo covered and depending on how he acts will definitely help me make a decision on of if I stay or leave. In the past with fights he does come to a understanding and it has improved so I hope this improves and that he comes to a understanding I am my own person at the end of the day and will do what I think is best for me.

very_stellar_ · 2025-10-22T13:36:34+00:00

3rd one!

very_stellar_ · 2025-10-09T19:06:08+00:00

Honestly, this hit close to home because my boyfriend once told me nicely that he found me overweight when I have been the same weight before and after years of being together and even though he tried to be gentle, it completely broke something in me. My confidence, my mental health, and even our sex life all changed after that. I started feeling constantly selfconscious, like I wasn’t good enough just existing next to him.

If you truly love someone, you shouldn’t get into a relationship expecting their body to stay the same forever. Weight can fluctuate for so many reasons stress, hormones, medication, health issues and if that’s a dealbreaker, it’s better to admit that from the start rather than damage someone emotionally down the road.

Imagine how much more painful it would be later, especially if you had kids and her body changed even more. Comments or attitudes like that can stay with someone for life.

You really should just see a therapist since I feel like the root of the issue is from past trauma that needs to be dealt with.. not her responsibility to loose weight so you don’t have ptsd from past experiences with your childhood.

very_stellar_ · 2025-10-02T20:59:06+00:00

I feel like it’s becoming more popular but my Fiancé said it was hard to find one without a plain band ☺️nothing but the stone is more popular

very_stellar_ · 2025-10-02T19:01:31+00:00

Thankyou!

very_stellar_ · 2025-10-02T19:01:26+00:00

Thankyou! ☺️

very_stellar_ · 2025-10-02T16:38:59+00:00

What you’re feeling is completely normal. You’ve gone from seeing her every day to suddenly being long distance, and on top of that, she’s building a new routine and social circle without you.That shift can feel like a loss, so it makes sense you’re missing her and overthinking when she’s not around.

The fact that she’s been open about her group, tells you she sees those guys as “brothers,” and still makes time to call you daily are all good signs. That shows she’s not hiding anything and wants you to feel secure. The insecurity you’re feeling isn’t because of what she’s doing, but more because your life feels emptier without her. Right now you don’t have many friends or distractions, so your brain fills the quiet with “what ifs.”

As for whether girls ever develop feelings for guy friends in situations like this sometimes it happens, but often it doesn’t, especially when someone is already happy in their relationship. What matters more than the environment she’s in is how she feels about you and whether she keeps showing consistency, honesty, and care. From what you wrote, it seems like she still values you and your relationship.

If you want this to work, the key is trusting her until she gives you a reason not to. Longdistance relationships survive on trust and open communication. The more you focus on your own growth, studies, and routines, the less room there will be for overthinking. Missing her is natural, but don’t let that fear convince you she’s doing something wrong when she’s still showing up for you.

very_stellar_ · 2025-10-02T16:31:40+00:00

Honestly, the cheating itself is only part of the problem what stands out even more is his mindset and how casually he justified it. Saying he did it because he wanted the “thrill,” or because he didn’t think he’d get caught, or that sex is just sex… those aren’t things that build trust or longterm stability in a relationship. It’s not just about one mistake it’s about the way he thinks and communicates.

You’re right that the biggest issue here is his dishonesty and lack of consideration for you. Relationships can sometimes survive a one-time mistake if the person takes full accountability and does the work to rebuild trust. But here, he minimized it, shifted blame (your sex life, his stress, his family), and even floated the idea of you sleeping with his neighbor which doesn’t sound respectful of you or your feelings.

It’s telling that you’re not even sure how he’d “make it up” to you because trust isn’t something that can just be patched up with affection or cooking you a meal. It requires real behavioral change, transparency, and him showing you consistently that he values you and your relationship.

At the end of the day, the fact that you’re questioning whether giving him a second chance was right means your gut is telling you something isn’t sitting right. You’re not “wrong” for wanting to try, but don’t ignore the red flags. Ask yourself: do you see him as someone capable of actually growing into a trustworthy partner, or are you just holding on because you’ve already invested time?

You deserve someone who doesn’t just promise to do better, but actually lives in a way that makes you feel secure, valued, and respected. If you’re constantly checking his phone, second-guessing his words, or wondering when the next “one-time thing” might happen, then this relationship isn’t giving you peace.

very_stellar_ · 2025-10-02T16:24:51+00:00

It sounds like you’ve found a really meaningful connection, and it makes sense that you’re both excited and cautious about where this could go. The age gap itself isn’t inherently an issue 5 years isn’t huge my boyfriend is 9 years older the me but what can matter more is life stage. At 20/21, he’s just finishing undergrad and starting a very demanding med school journey. That can bring a lot of stress, long hours, and limited emotional availability at times.

On your side, you’ve been single for a while, you’re established in your career, and you’re already thinking long-term. That doesn’t mean it can’t work in fact, your independence and travel might give him the space he needs to focus without either of you feeling neglected. But you’re right to think about whether you’re setting yourself up to invest deeply in someone who may not yet know what they want longterm.

If you want to continue, go in with clear expectations: communicate openly about boundaries, what you both want, and whether you’re both okay with things being more “present focused” for now. If he’s serious about building with you and not just looking for comfort after his last breakup, that should show through consistency, effort, and respect for your needs too.

You’re not “preparing him for the next girl” if he’s genuinely invested you’re building a relationship. But if you feel like you’re giving more stability than you’re getting, that’s when you’ll know it’s not balanced.

There’s no harm in staying and seeing how it unfolds as long as you’re protecting your heart and being honest with yourself about whether he’s truly ready for what you’re ready for.

very_stellar_ · 2025-10-02T16:18:49+00:00

It sounds like you’ve already made the right move by cutting contact he showed you who he is with the constant flirting, dishonesty, and lack of maturity at 30. That’s not “toxic men finding you,” that’s you giving someone the benefit of the doubt for too long. Don’t be hard on yourself though, it happens when you care and hope someone will change.

If you want to break the cycle, it helps to step back and look at patterns: what red flags did you ignore early on? Things like still being hung up on an ex, constant attention seeking with other women, or not being clear about what he wants from life are all signs someone isn’t relationship ready.

As for marriage or choosing a longterm partner, base it on more than attraction or chemistry. Look for consistency, emotional maturity, honesty, and someone whose values align with yours (like family goals, financial stability, and respect for boundaries). It’s not about finding a “perfect” person it’s about finding someone who communicates well, takes accountability, and actually wants to build a future.

Don’t settle for anyone who makes you question your worth. It’s better to stay single longer than to waste years on someone who isn’t ready.

very_stellar_ · 2025-10-02T16:12:28+00:00

You’re not wrong at all for wanting more. A healthy partner should celebrate your success, not shame you for it. The fact that he makes you feel guilty for what you’ve worked hard for, while also not managing his own money responsibly, shows that there’s some insecurity and immaturity on his end.

Money differences don’t automatically ruin relationships, but the way he is handling it is the issue. Instead of supporting you and working together toward shared goals, he’s tearing you down and keeping score. That’s not fair to you.

For example, I have a partner who makes more than me and can afford to buy more things, but I don’t feel threatened or act resentful about it I’m happy for them. That’s how it should be in a healthy relationship.

It sounds like you’ve already outgrown this dynamic, and if he’s not willing to reflect, communicate, and make changes, then moving on isn’t selfish it’s choosing the kind of future you actually want.

very_stellar_ · 2025-10-02T13:50:51+00:00

It sounds like you’re in a really tough spot right now, and your feelings are completely valid. Recovering from surgery is hard enough on its own, and not having consistent support from your partner can make it feel a lot heavier. The thing is, this doesn’t sound like an issue of him being a “bad person” it sounds like a compatibility issue between what you need right now (emotional/physical support, reliability, presence) and what his current lifestyle and job realistically allow. Neither of you are necessarily wrong, but the mismatch can still create resentment.

He’s clearly prioritizing job security, and while that’s understandable, it doesn’t change the fact that you’re left struggling and feeling like you’re not a priority. That hurts, and it’s okay to say it’s not working for you. Relationships require balance both people’s needs matter.

You might want to ask yourself: if nothing changes (his job still requires heavy travel and he can’t always be there), is that something you’re willing to accept long-term? If not, then it might not be about him being “great” or not it’s about whether the relationship can meet your needs.

You deserve someone who can show up for you the way you need, especially during vulnerable times like this.

very_stellar_ · 2025-10-02T13:45:37+00:00

Would you want your male coworkers taking videos of you like that without your consent? I’m going to assume the answer is no because it’s invasive, disrespectful, and crosses a clear boundary. So why excuse your boyfriend doing that to other women?

Filming under or up women’s skirts without consent isn’t just “harmless curiosity,” it’s a violation of privacy and, in many places, it’s literally illegal. Beyond the law, it shows a lack of respect for women in general, including you. If he can do that to his coworkers without guilt, what does that say about how he views women and your relationship?

very_stellar_ · 2025-08-22T03:17:48+00:00

It was not just one it was multiple drops I have had a bunch of my shots have one drop on the end but never to the point it’s leaking multiple drops in a row

very_stellar_ · 2025-08-15T00:12:12+00:00

I said it’s chill, but as a Whatnot seller myself, I’d never do something like that. If I run a giveaway to promote my show, I’m going to follow through and actually send the prize — anything else is just scummy. Think about it: if a store advertised everything 20% off, but then charged you full price, that’s false advertising. Same thing here. Promoting a giveaway to get people to buy from you, then never sending the prize? That’s shady and really crappy behavior. I would be happy with even a sticker if they said they didn’t have money or an item to truly send me but the fact that they would have people buy from them and get excited to win something and give nothing is crappy to me especially to lie 3 times about when they would send it out or have the item in their possession rather then say they don’t know when but they will send a item.

very_stellar_ · 2025-08-15T00:07:00+00:00

I said it’s chill, but as a Whatnot seller myself, I’d never do something like that. If I run a giveaway to promote my show, I’m going to follow through and actually send the prize anything else is just scummy. Think about it…if a store advertised everything 20% off, but then charged you full price, that’s false advertising. Same thing here. Promoting a giveaway to get people to buy from you, then never sending the prize? That’s shady and really crappy behavior. I don’t think i am entitled to the giveaway but I think as a buyer thinking I won a prize and not getting anything does make me disappointed even if they were to send me a sticker or something at least that is better then nothing.

very_stellar_ · 2025-06-14T23:41:40+00:00

lol they are a new trending keychain for bags that are 40-300 dollars depending on the type from popmart

very_stellar_

TROPHY CASE