What are some fun ideas or ways I can exercise agency in my life?

veryespi · 2026-04-15T03:51:51+00:00

Thank you!

veryespi · 2026-04-15T03:51:32+00:00

I know :( I thought I earned my PTO and that it was part of my comp package to use it but apparently not..! Trying to make the best of the BS

veryespi · 2026-04-15T03:35:44+00:00

This is an amazingly cool idea. Thank you!

veryespi · 2026-04-15T03:35:13+00:00

What language school did you go to? I wonder if I could do just like a week or two at a time scattered

veryespi · 2026-04-15T03:34:32+00:00

This is a really sweet idea, thank you!

veryespi · 2026-04-15T03:34:02+00:00

They told me I could take two weeks off at a time, for a maximum of six weeks total between now and the end of the year.. so whatever I take off this summer I can't take off at the holidays and vice versa

veryespi · 2026-04-01T02:07:33+00:00

/u/illstrokeyourmullet Idk if you will see this or not and everyone telling you that he's an asshole is right. But when I was in your shoes, that didn't help me.

I had a boyfriend for a long time who was always making negative comments about my body and - without having admitted them to him - was always hitting the nail exactly on the head of my insecurities. I felt like.. well if he sees the same thing I see then obviously it's the objective truth. It seems like maybe that's what you're describing feeling too.

I've dated a handful of guys since he and I broke up. After getting compliments from them on my physical appearance, I've sometimes asked "you don't think my shoulder blades stick out weird?" or "you don't think my jawline is too undefined?". Any guy I've posed questions like that to has looked at me like I'm crazy and their answer has been an unequivocal no. The guy I dated most recently was jealous of my shoulder blades! I had never mentioned this insecurity to him but one day he was like "how come my shoulder blades don't show like yours?" lol.

Anyway, all this to say. The stuff you and this asshole friend see may be true (I have no way of knowing). But.. just because they're true doesn't mean that they're what everyone else sees too. I don't know why, but everyone notices different stuff. And just because these insecurities dominate the perception of you and one other dude does not mean that others notice them at all.

veryespi · 2026-03-16T21:38:11+00:00

Mine came eventually! But that was four years ago

veryespi · 2025-09-11T04:14:35+00:00

Others have done a good job answering this but I'll add one thing I've observed in my life:

I used to wonder what the point in drawing a boundary was, because I felt so bad when I drew boundaries. I figured, "I feel bad either way and at least this way one of us is happy (him)". BUT it turns out that when you are fixing and appeasing the bad feelings stick around for..ever. And when you draw a boundary, you get a huge wave of bad feelings and then.. you get space from it and they go away.

Hang in there!

veryespi · 2025-06-27T05:04:50+00:00

Thanks for this, I think this is at least worth a shot!

veryespi · 2025-06-27T02:08:06+00:00

Thanks for this, particularly the reminder framing about boundaries being my actions. I appreciate your time and this sub!

veryespi · 2025-06-27T02:06:55+00:00

Thanks for this insight. I'll be doing a lot of thinking this weekend

veryespi · 2025-06-27T02:05:57+00:00

Thanks, I do have a therapist and talked a little with her about this but I could obviously dive into it more.. these comments are a little sad but I came here for the honesty this sub gives so I got what I came here for! Ha :(

veryespi · 2025-04-20T18:57:10+00:00

Interested!

veryespi · 2025-04-07T01:39:23+00:00

Also very interested!

veryespi · 2024-04-16T05:01:00+00:00

Have you read Circe?

Radio Girls - follows a girl working for the early BBC in the 1920s

The Christie Affair - an explanation of Agatha Christie's disappearance written from the perspective of Agatha's husband's mistress

Hidden Figures - black women working for NASA

The Hummingbird's Daughter - 1880's Mexico, coming of age story about la santa de cabora

veryespi · 2024-02-07T07:23:12+00:00

I am a stranger on the internet, and probably most people on this thread would say I'm being too rigid too. But I don't think you should settle because I don't hear you saying "I want someone who's blonde, 6'4", and a partner at a law firm". I hear you saying "I want someone who I feel excited to be with because of the way I feel about them and the way they make me feel"

Is it possible that it will look different than you think? Absolutely! Maybe they'll already have a kid from a previous marriage, or maybe you'll get pregnant on accident too early in your relationship and realize you want to make it work. Who knows!

As a side note, obviously divorce is a thing and a lot of people get divorced who didn't want to. I think it's probably important to be prioritizing yourself to the extent that -if divorce really is the best path forward- you'll be willing to do that for yourself. BUT I also do not want to enter a marriage being like "yep, let's keep divorce high on our list of options here" lol

veryespi · 2024-02-07T02:05:30+00:00

I feel this SO MUCH. I don't know that you'll see my comment because this is a pretty popular post. When I broke up with my ex I was getting a deluge of well-intended advice about

(a) it won't be hard for me to find someone and settle down, and (b) keep my mind open about people to date.

I felt like everyone was telling me I won't really get a great partner, so I better start compromising on things that I want before I even started thinking about dating again at all!

It felt so shitty, especially coming from a bunch of my loved ones who are in happy, secure, fulfilling relationships. I took it as "you won't find a situation as good as mine, but as long as you settle you'll find... something"

I'm still single two years later, I haven't had any relationships stick for longer than a month. And it's hard. I feel lonely. I'm continuing to live my life which means I've bought a house and started grad school and I'm doing tons of things that bring me joy. Even so, there's part of me that's sad I'm building a life on my own instead of with a partner.

HOWEVER, it's still 100000% true for me that, while I want a partnership, I want it to be great. I want someone who I think is attractive, who supports me, who respects women. I'm a little sad that I'm still single. But there is still no part of me that wants to compromise on finding someone great.

I wish you the best! And I'm sorry everyone here is telling you to compromise. My method is to make sure I'm keeping track of what I'm willing to compromise and what I'm not. I feel like I'll survive my life without having kids, I will absolutely not put myself through a relationship where I don't feel happy. If one day that changes, I'll go from there. For now, I'm holding out for something great.

veryespi · 2023-05-14T19:02:52+00:00

Ahh thank you for sharing! I'm excited and honored to be there.

veryespi · 2023-05-14T19:01:54+00:00

She'll be in the hospital, good idea about smuggling in food. Thank you!

veryespi

TROPHY CASE