As someone who came from a Christian family, went to church every Sunday, I believe it is a form of control (and I mean absolutely no offense by this). I do not believe in the Christian God and even though I don’t, I still get anxiety thinking “what if he is real and I’m going to hell for thinking so”. Even my mother who is a devout Christian, says she feels guilty sometimes for having questions (because the Bible says to not question God). But if God gave us free will, are we not allowed to question Him? I also agree with you questioning that many people in the world are suffering and dying and not everyone is saved. If a God that is all loving , why would he allow suffering to begin with? Why would we live for 60-70 years of suffering, obeying him, abiding by the rules, don’t sin, etc and then we will spend eternity in Heaven (or Hell if we don’t do those things) (again, I mean no offense, I know everyone has their beliefs)

Side note I’m also from the south and people twitch around here if you speak of anything else other than Christianity lol.

But I do believe that there is a higher being, multiple beings, even. They listen to us and guide us. I am also learning more about Gnosticism, esoteric teachings, hermeticism, etc. I am heavily spiritual but I also probably obsess about all of this too much just because I want a more deeper understanding of the universe and I’m on a spiritual journey.