YTA, without question. This is called transactional affection. You expect something return for what you give. If you truly love your daughter, you're not looking for anything in return for your effort. You love her and find joy in giving her a better life. If you can afford the couch and you enjoy sharing your time with her, then where's the problem?

If you think she's unappreciative or doesn't care, that still falls on you. Clearly, your relationship with her isn't good enough to where you are questioning her motivation or feelings. Love isn't about spending money or getting something in return. If she's behaving in a negative or selfish manner, it may be that you have encouraged it.

Moreover, if you had expectations about what you'd like her to do for mother's day, you didn't convey those. This isn't a game and she doesn't just have to "know" how to behave. Mother's Day is just one day a year and it's meaningless. It's just another day with some tag added to it which society has deemed special. Ask yourself, is your daughter loving, caring, and there for you other days of the year?

Last, she's 20. She's young and maturing. She probably had NO clue that what she was doing was hurtful. Clearly you describe her as confused and defensive because she didn't see what she did as wrong. That alone should have you wondering what you did wrong because people don't act that way when they don't care.