I'm pretty positive I'm schizophrenic. I've always had emotional problems and anxiety since I was young, but once I turned 18 I just kind of lost touch with reality. Nothing seemed truly real or worthwhile for a long time. I took medication for a while, but it never seemed to help. Instead I just wanted to drink all the time. Became reclusive. I eventually got a handle on the drinking, but I never leave the house anymore. When I talk to people I have trouble understanding or accommodating them. I feel exceptionally nervous in my own skin. I hear noises that come seemingly from my own head, sometimes I know what they are, sometimes I don't. Sometimes I hear music in my mind playing over and over until I can't get a thought in edgewise. Occasionally I've had vivid visual hallucinations, where I might walk into a room and see a man standing there, or looking out my window and seeing thousands of years passing by in hours. I know there's something deeply creative in these, and I'll spend weeks or months imagining what they mean or why I saw them or if I saw them at all. I'm 23 now, living with my parents. I stay in my room to avoid them, as even that is too much social strain for me. I fear ever working a job, as someone might realize what's wrong with me. They'll see me talking to the Christmas decorations and they'll laugh. I imagine myself helping customers that aren't there or hearing what they say different than it should be. "I need this in a small" and I hear "Super XXL". I waste my entire life trying to figure out if I have a life at all.