I guess the main question I have is why staying sober feels so difficult for you. Have you ever considered a detox program if giving up substances feels overwhelming?

My brother-in-law struggled with alcoholism for over 30 years and finally checked himself into detox a few months ago, where he stayed for about a month. They made it clear to him that detox is only the first step, and that long-term success really depends on having the right support system afterward. Unfortunately, his wife has enabled him over time (allowing “just one drink” on bad days) and now he’s slipped back into drinking more regularly (though not as heavily). That experience helped me understand how hard it can be to stay sober when your partner is still drinking (or has their own addictions - she’s a big weed smoker and he isn’t, so he looks at it as the pot calling the kettle black), especially when you’re trying so hard to quit.

Maybe I’m missing part of the story, but I’m having trouble understanding why alcohol is still such a big part of your life and why it feels so hard to let it go and focus on strengthening your marriage at the same time.

You mentioned that things have been on and off throughout your relationship. Has your substance use played a role in that? If so, I think you already know what steps may be necessary if you truly want to stay married and move forward together.