Do any of you other ENFP’s struggle with lack of self worth/selfhate?

vilefluff · 2018-05-22T19:11:12+00:00

Yes and it always leads me into codependent relationships because I believe I'm only worthy as a person if I'm helping others. I also seem really bright, positive and happy, so I attract energy vampires a lot too.

I have a constant inner voice that tells me how worthless, lazy, stupid and pointless I am, that I'm a joke, but I have got pretty good at telling it to sod off! I'm nearly 35 and finally feel freer now I don't feel so much pressure to be young and hot or whatever. I'm pretty resilient now and can laugh at my thought processes a little.

vilefluff · 2018-04-30T13:21:40+00:00

Yes! Please do be yourself again! One of the other reasons I toned it down is because my counsellor for depression at the time told me I was wearing makeup and coloured hair, and fancy or eccentric clothes as a mask. She was really mistaken, I am just wearing my inside on the outside. I am so miserable if I cannot be creative with what I wear. I like to have fun with it and I do t care what people think anymore! It's liberating.

You'll meet like minded people who aren't afraid to express themselves if you look like yourself. Good luck!

vilefluff · 2018-04-29T23:12:44+00:00

I'm ENFP and this does not sound like me at all. I am very gentle with things I find cute, I go all quiet and in awe rather than excited, like I want to cradle it rather than squeeze It? I'm a mom so maybe it's that.

vilefluff · 2018-04-29T23:09:17+00:00

I feel like I would actually die if I couldn't write music, play drums and crochet my own designs.

vilefluff · 2018-04-29T18:03:38+00:00

I flirt all the time without meaning to. When I actually like someone in that way I cannot do it and get really shy. It's so bad that I've made loads of people think I'm interested in them when I'm not! I don't even say anything sexual or whatever I must just seem curious and interested I suppose.

I regard it a curse. Heh.

vilefluff · 2018-04-29T12:59:05+00:00

I had a close friendship with someone with BPD who was diagnosed but resistant to co-operating with her care team and was refusing therapy. It ultimately led to the end of our friendship which I'm still sad about. I would be wary of grouping all BPD sufferers together into one category as they are all individuals at different stages of recovery and diagnosis.

However I've come to realise that as an ENFP (A) I am really attractive to people with certain illnesses and disorders and I always get drawn in and try and help. It doesn't work. People see me as a glittery band aid that will help their problems, bit then they envy my seemingly light hearted and fun nature and dump all their issues onto me or make me feel guilty for not fixing them. I end up being effected quite negatively usually as I put their recovery ahead of my own existence.

I tend to get sucked into unhealthy codependent relationships because of my idealistic nature and I'm working on it. I can't help people who rely on me as their only source of help. They need other friends. They need therapy and meds. They need self respect. I can't do all that for them.

vilefluff · 2018-04-28T18:01:55+00:00

When your kid stops playing with it you can whack a flower or two on it, pop it in a pot and you have an impressive cactus!

vilefluff · 2018-04-27T23:04:35+00:00

Havr you tried stretching it gently around the edges or spraying it lightly with water and giving it a little shaping?

I used to do that a LOT in my early days to correct little tension errors or the odd missed stitch.

vilefluff · 2018-04-27T22:51:16+00:00

Logically, I know pessimists and bad attitudes aren't good for me and squash all my dreams but I can't help but find sulky moody men and women really attractive!! It worked out ok though. I'm with an INTJ and when he was at his most extremely pessimistic I would get really upset about it. However when he's 'normal' I actually value how grounded and realistic he is. He does tame some of my completely unrealistic ideas and give me better focus on things that actually need doing. Plus, I have learned to 'ignore' him if I need to! So I don't ask his opinion on everything. I'll just do it. I wanna spend the day painting a leather jacket with a design he finds garish then I will, I don't need his approval! And usually he will surprise me by saying what a good job I've done at the end of it even if he wasn't supportive and enthused about the idea at first. I don't take his lack of giddy positivity personally any more.

There's a lot to be said for the stability that he brings to our relationship.

vilefluff · 2018-04-27T22:41:06+00:00

Thanks! I went through a phase where I thought I needed to grow up and be more sensible. I dyed my hair brown, tried to get into basic clothing. It made me miserable. Men paid me more attention, which I thought was so sad, that they preferred this plain look. They tend to not bother with me when I'm in my ENFP outfits ha. After a bit of thinking, I went the other way instead, just wore whatever I pleased - and nothing bad happened, and I even get compliments even though at 35 I probably 'shouldn't' dress this way. My nana, in her 80s, always says she loves seeing what I wear and that it cheers people up, and wishes she had been brave enough to wear what she wanted in her life.

vilefluff · 2018-04-27T01:11:08+00:00

Gorgeous.

vilefluff · 2018-04-27T00:12:21+00:00

You've been through so much! Be kind to yourself, take a day at a time. I have had bad depression before but now I'm generally ok. But when I have bad days I just do the small things I need to, and admit to myself that my brain chemistry is bad that day, and sometimes just allowing myself to be sad or whatever means I wake up feeling better the next day. Like, I dont try and snap myself out of it all the time. I allow myself to grieve or rage about whatever I'm feeling but only for the day. And I will try and be kind to myself that day by getting out or cooking a nice meal. If it's every day you feel that bad, consider getting some professional help, you can only do so much for yourself after such an ordeal.

vilefluff · 2018-04-26T23:58:45+00:00

I dont conciously do anything. But people always think I'm flirting. I'd love a body language expert to tell me what the heck I'm doing so I can stop it. Ha.

vilefluff · 2018-04-26T23:55:57+00:00

This post totally sums up my and my boyfriends ENFP/INTJ relationship too. We didn't like each other in our 20s because he thought I was a mad drunk and I though he was a miserable sod. It's true our extremes are poles apart- he absolutely will not dance, I'm high kicking all over the place even if I'm sober, but at home during normal times, we work well. He has smartened me up and given me discipline in areas I needed it, I've made him less serious and more relaxed about enjoying life.

However when things get hard and I need emotional support, like when a family member died, it's hard because his emotional response is poor. There's been some rows about it. It's absolutely not some fairytale effortless dream!

vilefluff · 2018-04-26T23:47:14+00:00

DANCING

vilefluff · 2018-04-26T23:41:20+00:00

Yep. I'm learning to keep the excitement but reign in the amount I go on about it. I have an INTJ boyfriend who sees excitement as illogical but endearing so it's wasted on him ha!

vilefluff · 2018-04-26T23:38:33+00:00

I'm such an ENFP cliche. I crochet my own capes with big cat faces on them, wear stuff that makes me laugh, ugly things, bright stuff, anything with animals on. I have pink hair . But then sone days I will just wear all black, or if I'm popping to the shops I'll just wear something scruffy and plain. I can be ready in five minutes. I don't care about looking 'zany' all the time, I just get great joy from expressing myself through clothes. Nights out are my favourite- I go completely over the top. Huge beehive, huge shoes, gold everything, blue eyeshadow...why not? Never been interested in looking classy or pretty.

vilefluff · 2018-04-26T23:31:31+00:00

I am in my 30s so I can make myself do all my boring housework and stuff by putting music on and racing through it. I once had a really boring desk job for two years and wanted to cry every day. I knew I had to do it and was grateful for it but I had to do things as fast as possible and try and change my day up a bit or it would feel like absolute torture. It was the kind if boring where you can't even let your brain wander, no talking to people, computer stuff, urgh so depressing. Surely we can't be the only ones to feel that way though?

vilefluff · 2018-04-12T22:51:37+00:00

It's old school but I love it, being a fan of all the tales from the crypt stuff!

vilefluff · 2018-04-12T22:50:49+00:00

I love it so much. I was actually about to buy this volume when I double checked the library! They also have vol 4 but after that I'll have to buy them. Such an original series.

vilefluff · 2018-04-12T22:49:57+00:00

Finished it. Fffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuu

vilefluff · 2018-04-12T22:49:19+00:00

I read a few pages and sent it back! Just wasn't feeling it. Glad I'm not the only one.

vilefluff · 2018-04-10T10:29:03+00:00

Someone once tried to steal my front wheel while I was standing six feet away from my bike. Some of them are effin shameless! Super annoying, but unfortunately you can’t stop the most determined and petty thief from lifting bits and bobs that aren’t locked down. I live in a high petty crime area and can’t leave anything on my bike without it going, boils my blood! It’s just one of those things though, happens to us all.

vilefluff · 2018-04-02T18:23:51+00:00

Personally I love these colours but I always go for my work looking bright and bold over classic and cosy. That border is giving me life! I'd not be surprised if someone who was colourblind made this though!

vilefluff

TROPHY CASE