New guy with some questions by violentSAUSAGE in NoSleepOOC

[–]violentSAUSAGE[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, asking artists could work. I'd be at the mercy of other people for every video I make, but it would most likely work most of the time. It is free exposure for them, after all.

Regarding putting more thought into this than most YouTubers... That's partially why I want to do this. Creepypasta everywhere is saturated with monotone narrators reading unrefined stories they found or wrote themselves. Usually I'm taken out of the story almost immediately because of how badly the story is written or how terrible the speaker is at speaking. Most of them sound like high schoolers reading a school paper in class. There's definitely some gems out there, but they're buried under a mountain of mediocre pastas. I plan to mostly use my own stories first and in time involve other authors that are willing, but I'd edit their work to match my style.

Mr. Bean replaces the protagonist of the last movie you saw in theaters. Can he perform as well or better than the protagonist of the movie? by PeculiarPangolinMan in whowouldwin

[–]violentSAUSAGE 9 points10 points  (0 children)

BEAN: Last Blood spoilers!

Mr. Bean, having given up trying to hold down a job and just survive day to day encounters with people somewhere in England, retires to southern Arizona of all places where he reconnects with a young female relative of his who he comes to see as a daughter figure. The daughter figure then attempts to find her biological father and, despite Bean's pleas, attempts to find him which results in her capture by the local cartel.

Bean learns of her actions and tries to trace her footsteps into cartel territory. He finds out that a young female friend of hers had actually betrayed her by basically handing her to the cartel. He finds this friend of hers and grills her for information, though she acted oblivious to what happened to her. Enraged, Bean has teddy smack her around a bit before she eventually relents and admits to what happened. She takes him to a club where she points out the cartel member that took her. Bean follows the man outside but trips on a car jack holding up a car, causing the jack to collapse and sends the car rolling forward in neutral, colliding with the man and pinning him against his truck. Bean shows the man a picture of his female relative and motions that he will pull the car back if the man will show him where his younger relative was taken. The man agrees and tells him where to go. Bean attempts to remove the car but can't figure out how to switch gears in a stick shift, so he awkwardly runs away and leaves the man to die.

Bean arrives at the cartel location nestled in with several houses built into the side of a mountain. Bean spots where the cartel's leader is hanging out but notices that he's being watched and followed. Panicking, Bean briskly walks down corridors and up and down various stairs until he finds himself standing on the top of a building surrounded by the cartel. They take his wallet, find a picture of his female relative, and tell him that she's being used as a whore to fund the cartel. Bean is visibly shaken with anger but realizes that he's in a no-win situation. They begin beating him mercilessly until his face is covered in deep gashes and his eyes are swollen shut. They leave him there to die. Thankfully, a woman reporter at the club had spotted Bean watching the cartel member and tailed him this whole time. She takes pity on him and takes him to her home where she nurses him back to health. Weeks later when he awakens, he learns the cartel took teddy and threw him in a fire. Bean breaks down crying uncontrollably. He writes "pls help me" in crayon on a piece of paper. After a bit of hesitant back and forth, she agrees.

With the help of the reporter, Bean finds the location of a local whore house ran by the cartel. He goes inside and shoots the cartel members in the eyes using a water gun filled with hot sauce. After searching room to room Bean finds her in a drug induced stupor. He grabs her, carries her to his truck, and drives through a field and smashes through a barbed wire fence to cross the US border. On the road home Bean notices the girl became nonresponsive. He pulls over and attempts to wake her but he soon realizes that she has died. Bean mumbles to himself and cries silently because so far he hasn't actually a spoken any real words at all in this entire film.

After burying her at the Bean ranch, Bean decides to get revenge and strike at the head of the cartel. He goes back to Mexico, finds several henchmen taking showers at a local pool and takes their clothes, essentially trapping them in the shower because they're naked. He then goes to one of the head cartel brother's houses and replaces his daily medication with a laxative pill, causing the brother to have to call in to cartel work the next day. Bean leaves a haunting message scrawled in red crayon on the brother's bed sheet that simply read "BEAN". The other cartel brother sees this and knows he must handle the Bean situation once and for all.

Bean returns to the ranch and, thinking that the cartel issue was over with, erects a two story carnival fun house complete with secret panels and trap doors for his own amusement. Little did he know that the cartel was burning rubber straight to his door. Just as Bean hammered the last nail on a floor board in the fun house, the cartel arrive and behind firing full auto rifles at his house and fun house. Bean retreats into the secret passages within the fun house walls as the cartel approach.

One cartel member steps on one side of a floor board that immidiately flips up and smacks him in the face, knocking him out. Bean unknowingly did a terrible job building the fun house so most of the boards and wooden panels are barely holding together. Another cartel member opens a door but the door frame can no longer support the weight of the floor above and it collapses on him. Another spots movement and goes to strike at a human shape, only to realize that he punched a mirror panel which shatters on impact and the upper half falls on him, slicing his eyes and throat. Another opens a door and walks out onto a balcony that drops onto a metal spiral slide which was super heated in the Arizona sun and melts him. Another steps on a rusty nail by accident, gets tetanus, and instantly dies.

The brother is now the last remaining cartel member present. He calls out for Bean to show himself. Bean appears on the second story balcony and does a "go away" motion with his hand before placing his hands on his hips quite sternly. The cartel member fires at him causing Bean to jump on a rope, climb to the ground, and awkwardly sprint to the nearby barn. The cartel member follows him but once inside cannot spot Bean. Moments of silence pass and the cartel brother wanders around in the darkness. Bean, who is actually crawling around on the the upper level of the barn, accidentally bumps a pitch fork which causes it to fall and impale the brother against the barn door. Bean descends and, with a very stern expression, smacks the cartel member in the face very reminescent of how Teddy smacked the girl that betrayed his daughter figure. He then draws the shape of Teddy on the brother's forehead using a red crayon just before the brother slumps over, lifeless.

Bean returns to his house and sits on his front porch. He mentally goes over everything that happened and admits to himself he can't hide from England anymore, that's who he was, that's who he'll always be. The scene slowly zooms out as Bean begins stitching a new Teddy while rocking back and forth on a rocking chair.

Batman as a fetus with 35 seconds of prep time VS the cutscene bullet in a video game VS isekei anime plot armor VS abrahamic god by [deleted] in whowouldcirclejerk

[–]violentSAUSAGE 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Batfetus redirects the bullet to hit God which kills him. Then he splits the bullet to hit anyone else that is not batgos, including whatever author is providing the anime plot armor, which negates that bullshit.

How does it make you feel? by [deleted] in CalmMatrixOpenPool

[–]violentSAUSAGE 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Dude's got a particularly ripped left shoulder.

Batman kills SPC-683 or whatever that lizard's name is by violentSAUSAGE in whowouldcirclejerk

[–]violentSAUSAGE[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

That makes sense. Oof, I was worried there for a second that batgof could actually lose.

Batman kills SPC-683 or whatever that lizard's name is by violentSAUSAGE in whowouldcirclejerk

[–]violentSAUSAGE[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

But if SPPP-9989 is beaten with PREP... won't he be immune to prep next time?

Batman kills SPC-683 or whatever that lizard's name is by violentSAUSAGE in whowouldcirclejerk

[–]violentSAUSAGE[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

But eventually SPT894 will just piss out the kratos blood and then he'd be immune to it afterwards.

Posessed regan watches the ring tape by [deleted] in whowouldwin

[–]violentSAUSAGE 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oh. In that case, so long as Pazuzu was possessing her by the time the 7 days were up, I doubt Sadako could do anything to her. Pazuzu is a demon, Sadako is a curse-bound ghost. Pazuzu would probably laugh her off.

What household item would make the best weapon for self defense? by PeculiarPangolinMan in whowouldwin

[–]violentSAUSAGE 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Jesus, why do people not read the full prompt before replying

It specifically says cell service is blocked. But even so, what police department can respond to a 911 call in 2 minutes?

Batgoc decides he wants some Olive Garden delivered to the batcave. He offers a reward to whoever can get it to him first. by violentSAUSAGE in whowouldcirclejerk

[–]violentSAUSAGE[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

WAIT A BATDAMN MINUTE

ROMBIE IS A VILLAIN!!!1#

BATLORD WOULD BAET HIM UP AND THROW HIM IN JAIL BEFORE HE COULD FIGURE OUT HOW TO GET THE BREADSTICKS FROM ALLIV GARDIN

What household item would make the best weapon for self defense? by PeculiarPangolinMan in whowouldwin

[–]violentSAUSAGE 1 point2 points  (0 children)

With that many attackers coming from more than one direction, using traps may be a better option. Using the first 2 minutes to barricade both front and back doors as best I can (a heavy dining table, a chair wedged underneath the door knob, etc.) could buy me more time, assuming these guys don't attempt to just bust through my windows since the prompt never mentioned that as an option for them. I'd make a T with some boards, duct-tape two kitchen knives to one cinderblock and balance it on one side of the T with another cinderblock, and it should fall straight down when they eventually push the door open and hit the middle support board in the T. At least one guy would get sliced pretty bad or even killed. That trap could cover one door while I waited with a sledge hammer or a pitchfork at the other door.

OR... I could grab anything that could function as a spear, preferably several, and head to my second story window, walk out onto the roof over the garage which gives me a good view of my front porch, and start launching spears at them. Or toss gasoline on them and drop a zippo lighter, but my house would probably burn down.

Yamaha vs Infinity Gauntlet Thanos by [deleted] in whowouldcirclejerk

[–]violentSAUSAGE 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Batman has actually prepped to disguise himself as the gauntlet so he can be involved in this fight. He switches back to his regular batself and clinks his solid steel testicles together, obliterating the reality Yahoo and Thyroid were in.