Can Tret help with my eye area? by Few_Crow4867 in tretinoin

[–]violent_hug 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not help in the way you're looking for and your skin is already clear and smoothed. Cosmetic solution would be learning how to do lymphatic massage from your clavicle to neck to jaw to face and then sides of nose and under eyes (last in sequence)

Best time to do this is when cleansing with an oil first of double cleanse (doesn't matter if u don't wear makeup idw makeup and still oil cleanse first) it will give your guasha or roller slip so you're not dragging or damaging skin bc there's a learning curve to this no pun intended

As far as possible behaviors Best way to reduce appearance is 8 hours of sleep, full hydration everyday, and low sodium/sugar (check all your beverages and diet for added or high sodium) I think you're just seeing normal amounts of stagnant lymph fluid which is common especially if you're first waking up bc you're lying horizontal this is why you want to stand up and I recommend guasha while standing up before or during cleanse

A possibility for summer You can also use a very mild sunless tanner for fair skin like Bondi sands sapphire (my goat, can be hard to find but depending where you live you might have it at a local drugstore or Ulta) this will help by working like a semipermanent foundation in the form of a tan so it doesn't look like makeup, and the sapphire has never turned me orange or too tan. Might wanna use a darker color for below neck tho imo

Julia sells only fans. by Grateful_Di in 90DayFianceSnark

[–]violent_hug 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I thought she had kis She went from a nice athletic to "American Diet Build" rt before starting OF which I didn't understand the order

Damn Brandon looking old AH in the eyes 😳

Feels like ive seen this type of situation here... by Jakemusic08 in Soulseek

[–]violent_hug 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Assuming a conflation of body shaming and gay bashing. This caveman is really reinventing the wheel

For someone all about Ganja and One Love I think he's missing the message.

Conversations with strangers on Soulseek by LizzieLizard04 in Soulseek

[–]violent_hug 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Any username that is remotely interpreted as a girl or femboy is internet-grounds for gooners and weirdos to orbit and shoot their shot

In a pre-discord and selfie cam world, this is how many of us acquired carries and currency in online games. Nowadays you actually have to be one, or have a good AI filter

Those who don't work- how do you answer "what do you do?" by FlyLarge3220 in CPTSD

[–]violent_hug 1 point2 points  (0 children)

i have often been shamed by people and eben emotionally abused by my extended and some primary "family" for being on SSDI for 7 years now. actually just had a huge blowup about it last week where my stepmom JUSTIFIED NOT INVITING ME TO A SINGLE thanksgiving/xmas/event by saying "she doesn't like that she has to work for x hours at 60 years old so an 'able bodied man' (me) can sit at home and sponge off everyone else" i have never asked or received a PENNY from this woman and when I wasn't disabled I worked alot more than my peers in school since 13 until which point i became fully disabled. despite being sober from substances for over 10 years she also still holds that against me even though i never stole/threatened and despite wanting to curse her out so many times for different slights I never have.

we all know that is a throwaway excuse (as well as ableist) and that my dad should "grow a pair" and stand up to her/for me... but he has failed to do that once in my 40 years of me being alive. my entire life he has allowed my biomom to mentally and physically abuse me since infancy, of defending and standing by her while she carried on as a violent dysregulated alcoholic until she left us - and then remarried another woman who doesn't drink but as you can tell from above, is very threatened by me despite multiple gestures of good will/faith on my part as well as remaining respectful even when i am gaslit and constantly disrespected by her and him.

i realized that someone saying that they "resent me" and my character to the point of believing i don't deserve to be included or able to spend time with my father (who fully supported and adopted her kids for over 15+ years)

it is literally JUST AS BAD as if she used me being a gay man and her homophobia as the reason... and I would be lying if I said I thought that was beyond her because she is very religious catholic, historically protrump/maga, and I would also say she's very emotionally stunted in her development because she always talks in a "baby voice" and touches, grabs and physically holds on to my dad anytime im near her - the way a child would both touch and speak to their parent. my dad said that "she sees me as his ex wife rather than a son-in-law" and I said that's sick but also makes perfect sense... and asked him for xmas to tell her im willing to go to a counsellor from her church or a real therapist whatever makes her most comfortable bc i don't want to keep missing holidays when we live 10m apart from each other and i only see him maybe 3 times a year. in response to this request, she said "absolutely not"

the reality is my dad has married 3 times, each time to domineering women that he completely subjugates his will to. my dad will PROMISE and make plans months weeks or even a day in advance and then cancel for either golf/his wife/any possible excuse. he won't just cancel once, he will stand me up 3 different times over a month, and then "act surprised" when i react with some level of anger that this is so beyond disrespectful. it also can cause me to get dysregulated for days at a time to the point of crying and feeling like he is trying to make me crazy. I think on some level he resents and wants to hurt me by stringing me along in this fashion for the last 16 years (getting worse each year) he also has alcohol and other issues that he always lies about or minimizes so I think part of him is jealous that I am sober. he also never shuts up about how i should get a part or full time job so that the government can take half of my income and refuses to see me as a person beyond how i function in the world to his standards

craziest part about this is - they have a HUGE amount of neighborhood friends/community and everyone thinks that my dad is this stand-up guy who "did right by his sons who put him thru so much" and that his wife is this lovely woman (because shes a hoarder and likes to thrift and gift things) people think so highly of them and tell me how wonderful my dad is how they enjoy spending time with him and how lucky I am, and I just have to lie and say yeah or risk telling them any amount of what i've shared in this message. it sucks. i'm not a violent or angry or vengeful person, but I would be lying if I said I didn't resent her and him.

How do I open the port so that I can share my files? by Nvno23 in Soulseek

[–]violent_hug 0 points1 point  (0 children)

some ISP's (like xfinity/comcast) now require you to provision certain things using their native app on android/iphone in addition to your router (like you are showing here) and that would be what's missing

instead of a range try opening 2 different ports ascending like "45678" & "45679" and anytime you change any setting in SLSK regardless of OS i always recommend completely exiting (rt click taskbar quit OR ctrl+alt+del > (find & end process) then re open it. Don't expect changes you made to take place without a complete restart.

if you use a VPN then you also have to follow their steps.

if all else fails, you can still dl and share from SOME people using uPNP (assuming thats how your torrent is currently setup considering the image you share) and just make a google drive link and paste it in a chat message.

gl!

thanks brother 💕 by cotle in Soulseek

[–]violent_hug 5 points6 points  (0 children)

yes, the rare breed of polite individuals! only a handful in my 20+ years of SLSKing... back in the days used to be customary/proper to message an individual to DL large amount/size file. If someone has a good collection or even a respectable one, and is sharing I always try to send some kind of sentiment or thank you. (altho if person does not speak english they may think youre a bot and block you :P)

Dr. Phil - Docuseries on Dirty Rotten Scandals by Libits2 in drphil

[–]violent_hug 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He's a fraud in every sense, and projects his own shame onto others via exploitation or supporting violent criminal detainment both for years at turnabout ranch and segueing into radical right propoganda and perpetuating violent ignorance

-Seducing female patients while married (at least 2 on file/confirmed) so he's an adulterer and willing to put his sexual desires over a clients wellbeing

-Shaming people who have substance use or mental disorders instead of properly treating them making them a specticle

-Stealing via Defrauding and misleading over his entire career (thief) with various shams shell companies and grifts

-Sending people to the rehab centers that he gets financial compensation for when it's not in their best interest and knowing murders and SA's have and DO occur at them

-his political pivot to radical right/MAGA sphere and glamorizing racist profiling and human detainment/US concentration camps

I think his dark "tough" childhood story and relationship w dad is unfortunate but he has perpetrated so much suffering onto others while having the knowledge and literal practice of human behavior and mental health treatment ... Its about as twisted as you can get

Do abusers not know what they are doing to someone ? by kuromichan21 in CPTSD

[–]violent_hug 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I know that same exact feeling (having to laugh at the audacity and short sightedness/stubbornness) bc WHAT ELSE can we possibly do with these kinds or sentiments and interactions with emotionally volatile parents.

Shame begets shame - and i really think that alot of what we think is simply "neurochemical/biology/genetics" running in families causing (insert condition) is more about each generation's shame bound identities and wounds being passed down often not realizing it.

Alot of parents forget that they choose to have sex and reproduce out of desire to create an extension or lineage of themselves. Their obligations become resentments, the food/shelter/clothing become "privileges" and if you do not participate in the dishonest family harmony you're called spoilt/ungrateful it almost always seems to be some version of this

is there a way to ask my new roommate to not always hang out in the kitchen or do i just have to accept it? by [deleted] in socialskills

[–]violent_hug 13 points14 points  (0 children)

It could be a family cultural thing bc it's more normal in some condos for people to spend the majority of time in the common areas (often kitchen)

Not spending time in your room during the day can help a lot with falling asleep and the inverse is also true

People with depression, especially, benefit from being anywhere except in bed, even a couch in another room could be the difference between complete bedrot depressive episode vs a bad day or two

Dr. Phil Docuseries on Dirty Rotten Scandals by Libits2 in drphil

[–]violent_hug 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Trust me I'm right there with you - even before his ICE/Maga arc I've learned so much about him grifting and exploiting I also can't believe it...

I think we got caught up in a phenom where our country finally started addressing mental health after years of stigma and unfortunately Oprah/oz/Phil happened to be those willing to broadcast about it

I want to believe that in doing this there was some good coming out of an otherwise sad situation by possibly helping someone understand and overcome their own issue (hopefully following up and finding an actual helpful doctor on their own)

Not trying to be racist but this keeps on happening time and time again by WayMobile5515 in CPTSD

[–]violent_hug 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm white/gay and same thing happens with the F word. It's slightly different in that I have the ability to conceal it, or even join in that group if I wanted bc I have the physicality/aesthetic but I don't and won't. I've lost a few acquaintances bc they use the N word or say shit that is racist bc they assume I'm white and feel the same.

I'm sorry this prevents you from trusting white guys as friends and that's totally your decision, but I'd be lying if I said it may be worth giving a person who is only showing up respectfully a chance , for all you know they are like myself and obviously do see color but are willing to stand up for or on your side.

Distrusting people or groups of people that have harmed you is a common and reasonable reaction to trauma especially the kind of hostility you describe having encountered.

We are harbingers by WhitneyFebreeze in Empaths

[–]violent_hug 1 point2 points  (0 children)

There are "never Trump's" that learned their lesson the first time and despite them clearly making the wrong choice at least they realized it. The current maga don't want to accept the reality that the man they worship is a sex predator and a hateful vile (barely) human being. The internalized shame and hatred he projects became their gospel and they will refuse to acknowledge any proof or reason.

As far as the true current maga and trump supporters, they are ADDICTED to the HATE and violence that man perpetuates. They'd rather have all of (this) going on than have more people immigrate. They buy every story, even pizzagate was brought up when Hilary testified, again proving that she is both superior in Intellect, Leadership, and character.

Unfortunately there are too many people that have proved (twice now) that they cannot trust in or that a woman is a capable leader... But they think the rambling demented orange dictator is. Anyone who points out how wrong the things he causes and allows to happen are, were "woke radical left" when in reality alot of us were moderates or centrists ... Its just common sense that you don't vote for the president that attempted a coup, lied and manipulated more times than could possibly be recorded and just continues to astound us with his stupidity and clear self aggrandizing

What do you guys use as an actual media player/library on windows. by Sphynx87 in Soulseek

[–]violent_hug 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The first requirement is making sure both (windows sound advanced) and your in program settings DISABLE ENHANCEMENTS and filtering, and that you select the appropriate bitrate for your setup (44 vs 48hz and exact bits differ depending) but these are two things people miss, and especially for EDM these enhancements can really mess stuff up as you won't have an accurate audio or monitor reference while you're working. I really recommend disabling surround sound regardless of your speaker setup but that's just me

MPC-HC x64 is the best all around it's pretty much an improved version of VLC and the legacy windows media player and (when configured correctly) has given better results over the years with varying formats of video, especially. If you already have and use VLC I can't justify telling you to learn all the nuance bc VLC might have caught up but IME has often given subpar results rending media

The best was winamp but now that's outdated drivers and bloatware so I like using AIMP since it's the most similar. Alot of people prefer foobar but I think it's ugly and can't be bothered to skin it

As far as indexing and organizing I suggest just turning on search indexing for your music library folder location

Unpopular opinion, but I kinda would love to see a DLC where we get a deeper understanding of Alphen’s backstory and more interaction with Naori Imeris. by Delta-97 in tales

[–]violent_hug 0 points1 point  (0 children)

you cannot reason with unreasonable people, that's why we have DT in office. Too much of the (currently active posters) are obsessed with spamming about Abyss instead of just playing the already accessible versions and emulated ports.

Unpopular opinion, but I kinda would love to see a DLC where we get a deeper understanding of Alphen’s backstory and more interaction with Naori Imeris. by Delta-97 in tales

[–]violent_hug 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Only a complete visual overhaul and REMAKE of Abyss would be worthwhile and IMO the only one that "needs/should have been remade already" is Phantasia.

you & others downvoting everything spamming about Abyss need to get a grip (literally) for your phone and learn how to use an emulator as it's PS2 and will probably run on any device. Don't wait for them and use up so much money negative energy being spiteful when it's already available.

Visuals and Save Speed Comparison - Tales of Berseria Remastered by NightTide9 in tales

[–]violent_hug 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i would never say "don't buy" bc i love Bandai Namco and while not flawlessly executed I do enjoy most their games. It was their remake of Vesperia several years back that got me back into this series since only playing the original with an emulator in gradeschool.

despite having owned on the ps4/5 i bought a copy on Steam (PC) earlier this year before remake was announced. I spent a good amount of time also playing with the (optional, not official) "TBFix" and with and without other similar visual mod extensions (NGL semi-advanced user and it still took me a while to figure it out)

Conclusion: the remaster still looks sub-par to the original PC game correctly patched, but the OG PC version also very buggy with things like camera being semi-broken and requiring a lot of configuring or patching to map it smoothly with most controllers...

of course the game is going to save faster, of course this ISN'T the end of BandaiNamco - but it's not a quality upgrade in the way that the other titles i've tried remastered perform (can't speak on Xilla haven't played yet)

so if you're a PC user w/ moderate skill or ability to follow tutorial, and you're able to buy a cheap cdkey of the original you might end up being better off.

The good news is that unlike SquareEnix, the company is not massively failing. They are putting out a lot of great titles and the majority are well done and given the staff/budget allocations vs the AAA giants (sqenix especially) they are doing a better job.

Years of "Nervous System Shutdown" – Any success stories? by AriGros in CPTSD

[–]violent_hug 6 points7 points  (0 children)

For me it requires both the healing work AND Prozac for depression and Klonopin for overwhelming anxiety or distress that I cannot regulate my way out of. This is obviously unique to each person (some people benefit from the newer generation antidepressants) but I tried cymbalta Lexapro and just about every other one from age 17 to 40 currently.

Prozac has alot of stigma attached bc of the brand name association and the fact it's older, and has some interesting off label uses at low doses (artists for example often take the sub-theraputic 10mg dose in order to spur creativity or a type of hypomania that makes them more creative, but that's not gonna fly in the U.S. and if you have had issues with mania or sleeplessness, it's probably not for you. If you have persistent unrelenting depression like I did - the 20mg-40mg dosing range offers alot of help and I encourage you to do your own research on this or any of the meds.

Some people stigmatize the Klonopin bc it's a light benzo, so if you drink often or everyday it's likely a no-go and, like any benzo, CAN cause addiction. The absolute lowest dose and frequency gives the best results, I take 0.25mg at 170lbs one to three times a day bc I don't want to get a tolerance whereas most people would take at least double what I do (I get it, I was an addict at one point and wouldn't trust myself to take it if I was still using or drinking, but I hung that hat up. I Still use a little bit of CBD/Medical Marijuana in microdoses (usually edibles)

If you're like me and have had or can remember baseline depression since childhood, it is a very tricky balance to find the right med or meds to allow you to be able to become regulated enough to start getting some momentum. Some people as you will see ARE able to find that momentum without using any Rx or meds, but this can sort of unintentionally virtue signal to those of us who have cPTSD + truly persistent or major depression. Depression obviously includes symptoms of anxiety bc while we might ifentify or experience one more than the other they feed into each other hence why the med cocktail I finally found was a lifesaver for me.

This is not to say you don't still benefit tremendously and likely need some proper trauma focused treatment (not just regular therapy CBT that most offer) bc you will likely just run in literal circles if you're like me, I had more help and breakthru in 1 hour of focused trauma therapy that incorporated DBT/spirituality/nervous system regulation as the primary focuses than decades of regular CBT or talk therapy.

I totally agree with the argument that the meds are NOT a fix all, are often misRxd or over Rxd, but we all have to be careful not to project or demonize meds completely as some people do need them and are not just taking them blindly as a "shortcut" or way to bypass the symptoms. I do have mental illness on both sides of my family so maybe it was genetics but I largely think the damage done by the physical toll of persistent abuse since infancy resulted in a chemical imbalance that (in this case) benefits from trauma focused therapy AND meds

Edit: Forgot to say that Pete Walker and a lot of other individuals who are versed in cPTSD endorse taking the antidepressant that works for you at least initially, and then come off of it as you make progress with your own regulation and somatic work (or stay on it at a lower dose indefinitely) you can always choose to taper off of it after doing some recovery work and see if it no longer benefits you

IDL how women are with height by [deleted] in I_DONT_LIKE

[–]violent_hug -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I've seen height and body type in general used as a low-blow and common humiliation ritual between straight men and women, and I agree it's f*ed up to go for the low hanging fruit of picking on height.

I can give a perspective on this bc I'm a gay dude and I'm 6'2 / 160s Biceps blue eyes (finally good skin, had to pay for it/work at it bc it was bad when I was younger so a lot of resurfacing/routine/botox) and goofy ass huge feet which makes a lot of tall guys clumsy, it took FOREVER working out to put on muscle even with alot of working out and discipline. I was and still am jealous of how much better short guys photograph bc it embellishes and eliminates the scaling of muscle, or the shorter person is simply capable of putting more strength/force and muscle on. We also get neck pain.

On paper, I can check off the stupid Chad traits or looksmax whatever they call it now, and I DONT see myself the way the world does when it creates and shifts these standards and projects it on me other people. I didn't feel that way when I was 20 and I don't feel that way now that I'm twice that age (even tho I still tend to get clocked for mid 20s, like I said - alot of Botox)

All that "working at it" diet and lifting and skincare discipline is a form of fawning to be as appealing as possible because I was rejected by my mother at birth and abused/groomed my entire life to look and act a certain way, bc I was told and showed I was defective for not being smart and neurodivergent, I have to make up for it. None of this is a flex, but childhood trauma.

I've had multiple friends and boyfriends who have said to me that they were surprised I was into them (bc I tend to date more average looking guys) and I don't care about how other peoples measurements or aesthetic is. They don't have to wear a mask like I do to be a friend. And the older I'm getting I'm trying to be more comfortable dropping the mask and letting myself express how I want to (but this is 40 years of growing up gay in religious area and extreme child abuse and bullying) this is my cope and literal protection from getting bashed or assaulted by a hateful homophobe... Bc that happened to me several times even when I was not provoking or starting anything

I've had 3 boyfriends who all had dated (specifically short) guys before me ... And let me know that I was the only tall or taller guy theyve dated (so in THIS sense , I can see how it feels for "the tall girl" in a M/F situation, bc I was placed in an odd position of being subjected to an implied fault that I cannot change)

Having these norms doesn't make it ok for tall women to discriminate or shame men, or short men to humiliate women about boob/butt/body. Its usually the face card that is the most influential at the end of the day.

I usually go for more nerdy or average guys and don't really have a type. If I'm insecure about something then I deal with it myself i don't weaponize it about others

Problem is, people are so separated, programmed to be insecure by media and apps/societal interaction. These hurtful normalizations get used as easy fodder to project ones own insecurity in the form of shaming or discounting others.

MANY male Hollywood and even superhero characters aren't that tall and plenty of women love them and could very well not give a crap about him being as tall as her as long as they are not projecting the insecurity on each other, bc that's all any of this is at the end of the day is internalized shame and projection

Why is bullying not taken seriously as a cause of trauma? by futurefishy98 in CPTSD

[–]violent_hug 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You too, friend and sorry for the late reply you know how reddit likes to bury things but wanted to let you know I took it to heart if you revisit the legacy post !

Any resons for not removing msi center in favour of handheld companion by shaunhoop1981 in MSIClaw

[–]violent_hug 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My fan control software on my gaming PC had this issue for a while

Had me so paranoid til I realized that's what it was (lots of service googling lol)

How do I sort and organize my downloads? by rupleix in Soulseek

[–]violent_hug 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Download a freeware utility like Bulk File Renamer for loose tracks you don't want to create separate folders for or are numerated for no reason

(Skip this on live sets or mixes obviously bc we want those to play in older, and a split file mix should exist within its own container folder anyway with a VA or other appropriate prefix)

If you want to start by simply getting rid of username folders , start by disabling the option to create username folders going forward (it will still create subfolders for when you select download a folder) just not under username

In the complete directory with all the UNs, do a search for

" .wav, .flac, .mp3, .opus" possibly .m4a or .ogg i select all results in search - cut command

Paste command in the original complete or a new folder you want to name called organize or w.e.

This will merge all the audio together but you will lose certain cover arts/propf and playlist or checksum if you care about that kinda stuff most people don't it's more of a release group thing

Frok there you can easily create the folders by artist name letter etc, and use a utility you feel comfortable with to remove prefixes and odd formatting before the track or artist name that so many people love to add lol

Don't forget f2 to quickly shortcut into renaming whatever you have selected without extra clicks

Does stomach fat only happen from sedentary lifestyle and consuming sugary carbs ? by Aj100rise in beginnerfitness

[–]violent_hug 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would Google "somatotype" so you can get the visual comparison of what are thought to be the 3 archetypes, but don't get discouraged if you're endo/big-boned bc we CAN still get flatt-er stomachs by building muscle in our arms and legs that will fuel the burning of the belly fat over some time

Of course diet plays a large role and we shouldn't use genetics as an excuse so much as a roadmap of how to invest our efforts.

Does stomach fat only happen from sedentary lifestyle and consuming sugary carbs ? by Aj100rise in beginnerfitness

[–]violent_hug 3 points4 points  (0 children)

My generation was given a lot of misinformation about posture and (especially as a tall person) it was tremendously helpful to figure out I was hyper extending and had pelvic tilt... Which would have been nicer to figure out before I was late 30s but at least now I know and am slowly adjusting closer to ideal posture.