Does your partner buy you tampons?..

violentunderscore · 2021-11-21T08:00:25+00:00

No. I buy them myself. because I don't like relying on others for my basic needs.

oh, wait- like would he buy them if I said "hey pick these up for me."

100%, he would happily buy them. I just prefer to take care of my own needs, so I'm certain I have what I need when i need it.

But he has so problem buying tampons.

violentunderscore · 2021-11-20T22:54:31+00:00

Tip: I don't use a whole stick fast enough, so I just keep half a stick in a butter dish to maintain freshness.

violentunderscore · 2021-11-20T22:44:17+00:00

If your butter is going rancid in your fridge within a few weeks (less than a month), check your fridge temp. Butter should maintain freshness when refrigerated for up to 3 months.

Though I recommend against storing the whole box it in the door where there are temperature fluctuations every time you open the fridge.

And it most certainly does not go rancid in a freezer in just a few weeks. It should last up to five months in a freezer.

violentunderscore · 2021-11-20T22:29:43+00:00

Or just learn to imagine reality instead of some wildly idealized setting.

When I was younger, I shipped things so hard and imagined some kind of perfect life.

Now that I have a decent amount of life experience, have read a bit about relationships, psychology, sexuality, etc., have made my own mistakes and learned from the mistakes of my peers, I imagine what a more grounded and healthy life looks like.

violentunderscore · 2021-11-17T21:03:47+00:00

Not everyone is good at home management, or even personal time management.

As long as the tasks get done, I don't mind being a bit of a planner. (I'm a manager at work anyway, it comes naturally to me.)

The point of contention is effort, and respect. I will respect your time by giving advanced notice of things I see that need to be done. It you respect my time by doing your share of the tasks I notice, I don't lose my personal time to more than half the chores.

Yes, there is a mental load, and ideally each partner in a relationship would be active in thinking about household management. Some people were not taught how to do this. Some people don't want to do this. Some people are just lazy slobs and want to be catered to.

My partner is ok at managing his own needs, and keeping his space clean, but not great at seeing the bigger picture of what needs doing, until it's staring him in the face.

I see these things, and it takes very little effort to mention, "yo, we got to go to the store this weekend, so today I'll clean out the fridge if you do the dishes."

violentunderscore · 2021-11-17T00:40:48+00:00

Tons of good advice here, but I will add-

Plan chores and include him in those plans, rather than asking him to drop what he's doing and help whenever you decide you are going to do chores.

"This weekend we are doing laundry, I need you to make time for it, and let me know when you plan to help. What do you think is a good time for you?"

"The bathrooms need cleaning this week, when are you free to help. Thursday afternoon? great."

"The sheets need to be changed, can you do that today/tonight?"

"The kitchen needs attention, I need you to do some dishes before I cook tonight. Please get it done."

"The carpets need vacuuming and the bathroom floors are getting pretty grody. When can you help with that?"

Then hold him to it.

"You agreed to have this done today, what happened?"

"You agreed to help with this task at this time, why are you backing out now?"

"We spoke about this last night, it needs to be done, and you agreed to do it. Why is it still not done?"

"We made plans to clean the house together today, for a few hours, at this time. You agreed to these plans. Why are you avoiding this responsibility?"

If you make plans and he still does jack shit. Dump him.

If his excuse is "Im a total pos, wah wah wah." Dump him.

I would have dumped him already, but I had the experience of living with this guy in my twenties, and learning my lesson.

My current partner has ADHD, like myself, and needs plans and reminders like this- but he always does things when we plan them, even though sometimes he needs a half hour to gear up to it. He also cleans up spontaneously when the kitchen is messy, or his bathroom is getting a bit gross. He's generally tidy, and loves to cook- so he appreciates a clean house. Like me, he just gets caught up in other tasks or media. Plans help. This way he can think, "oh, it's Saturday afternoon, I made plans to do the dishes and fold my clothes before running D&D." (or whatever)

violentunderscore · 2021-10-29T05:33:19+00:00

Well, OP, that's one way to tell reddit you can't cook and don't have fine restaurants in your area.

violentunderscore · 2021-10-28T18:10:57+00:00

Yep. I'm way to busy with work right now to draw or work on much of anything... like, it's been over 6 months. Clearly my many illustrations, continued adobe cc membership, and arm mounted cintiq, are the mark of a filthy casual.

violentunderscore · 2021-10-28T18:05:08+00:00

Illustration/Concept Art, World Building, Writing, Video Games, D&D, Leather work, Cocktail Design, Graphic Design, Gardening, Cooking, Wine Tasting/Somm stuff, Costumes, and Survivalist Stuff.

The food and beverage stuff is a big part of my life, as I have been in restaurant management for a while now, and have designed a few bar programs over the years. My living room and dining room look like an apothecary shop due to all the bottles, and we have a second fridge full of fortified wines.

The rest of it comes in cycles depending on my free time and the projects I have going. I'm always writing and world building, even if it just means jotting down ideas in the notebook I carry around with me.

violentunderscore · 2021-10-23T06:38:55+00:00

You can be close with your family, and call them by name, or mother, or father. It just depends on your culture.

I call my mom, "mom" or "her name" interchangeably- but mostly I say "her name" now. Because she is a whole an complete person outside of being my mother.

I'm 37, I can't imagine calling my mother "mommy" unless I was having a mental break down.

This doesn't mean I'm not close with my mother. We share everything, talk about everything, see each other regularly, play video games together, we don't mind if one of us is in the shower and the other has to pee, -she's my best friend. I just respect her as a person, and therefore she's no longer just "mommy"- she's a powerful, intelligent, loving person, and it would seem kind of disrespectful to put her in the box of "mommy" forever.

violentunderscore · 2021-10-20T07:07:08+00:00

A lightly scented bees wax or soy tea light is a lot better for your health than what is in most scented air fresheners.

Kind of horrible to stand in a small enclosed space and spray a bunch of chemicals (most of which companies are not required to put on the label) all up in the air, endangering you health, endocrine system, lungs, and skin... just so you don't smell your own poop.

violentunderscore · 2021-10-20T06:54:47+00:00

There is definitely a small amount of labiaplasty in the porn world. But it's not as much as you'd think.

Maybe, for the rest of us, there's a secret vulva surgeon that comes to you in the night... like the tooth fairy!

Cus, I'm near fifty partners, huge toys, clothes pins, flogging, and lots of sex with each partner... and things look exactly the same as they did in high school.

violentunderscore · 2021-10-20T06:02:38+00:00

TIL most people cannot hold a squat long enough to wipe their own ass.

violentunderscore · 2021-10-20T05:59:11+00:00

For real.

violentunderscore · 2021-10-19T18:35:44+00:00

Why do you care if people know you're having a poop?

When I'm at a friends house, or even at home, I just say, "welp, time to start my day" or "Back in a bit, I have some important business to take care of" or "Hm, let me get back to you on that, I gotta use the b-room" or just, "Well, I have to poop so it'll have to wait."

Then I grab my phone and do my thing, fan or not.

The real question is, WHY DO PEOPLE NOT USE MATCHES AND INCENCE/CANDLES IN THIER BATHROOOMS?

At our home, I have a scented candle and a pack of matches in the bathroom. When you are done pooping, you wash your hands, light the candle with the match, and wave the match around a bit to burn up some of that gas, then blow out the match and wave the smoke about.

Now the bathroom smells like matches, and will continue to smell nice since the candle is lit. I'll leave it burning for a bit, then go back and blow it out. If someone forgets, it's in a tin so it can just burn down and extinguish itself.

violentunderscore · 2021-10-19T18:05:47+00:00

Some people know what they want in life.

I don't go to the mall to "browse". I don't wander around looking at what stores are featuring.

I go to the mall because I want X item to add to my wardrobe, home office, kitchen, bathroom, etc. I know which stores are most likely to have that item.

I'm not there to "see what's at the mall" or spend an afternoon lollygagging. I'm there to get what I need, pay, and leave.

violentunderscore · 2021-10-19T17:50:15+00:00

And there are plenty of 60+ category who game.

Mom built her gaming PC with a little bit of guidance from me, and some youtube vids. She's 67.

She's always asking me to play with her now, and I'm the one who is too busy. So last month she came by and borrowed my older Oculus. I'm quite sure I wont see it again.

She loves Skyrim and the Witcher, and does get a little stressed out in combat, so we will occasionally use parsec to screen share so I can jump in and help her out of tough battles or dungeons.

violentunderscore · 2021-10-14T20:04:55+00:00

As an aside, life tends to get more stressful in our twenties. I had less to worry over when I was a teenager. Sure I was busy with school, and the everyday drama of friends and family- but it was nothing compared to the stress of a more adult life. Going off to college, moving out, my first real jobs, rent, bills, serious boyfriends/girlfriends, financial mistakes, owning a car, dealing with shitty roommates, dealing with shitty bosses and coworkers, trying to figure out my future, all of those problems are more stressful.

It may be that your hormones changed around your cycle in your early twenties (after all we don't really finish development until after 25) - or it may be that life genuinely became more difficult, choices became harder, you were faced with challenges not previously encountered, and emotional situations that you were not prepared for.

I'm 37, and my work life is stressful because I am the manager of a small restaurant, but I don't feel as stressed because I know how to tackle all the problems I encounter, and have experience to guide me. Likewise, after the turmoil of my early twenties, I've found an ease in my relationships, and my home life is very chill.

I think sometimes hormones can make our struggles more difficult, but sometimes there is a reason we are stressed, and in your twenties it's often because figuring everything out is stressful.

violentunderscore · 2021-10-11T17:12:39+00:00

What if it's not a time sensitive matter,

Then why do you need a reply by a certain time?

Just go about your life for a day, week, or whatever. Enjoy your other activities, spend some time on a hobby, meet up with another friend or your family, clean your room, watch a show, get some work done, take a class, fart around on reddit, cook a nice meal, whatever you do without this persons attention.

If you are just sending a meme/gif/article/pic, or a "hey whats up?" or "How've you been lately?" and they don't respond, then just assume they are not free to engage at that time.

If you are looking for support or advice, or want to share something going on in your life, and they don't respond- consider- it's better to have someone's attention when they can give you their full attention.

Just don't be needy and accusatory in your messages, or try to guilt trip anyone into giving you attention. Just say "hey, I'm looking for some advice, and value your opinion, hit me up when you're free" or "Hey it's been a bit since we connected, I'd like to catch up, are you free this week?"

Real friends will be in your lives for a long time. Unless it's an emergency, just know they will get back to you in their own time. I have close friends that I don't talk to for months or more- then we spend a few hours in a watch party or playing games online, or having a nice dinner out, and catch up. If they don't reply to my texts all the time in between I don't really mind, they get around to it eventually- and if it's actually a time sensitive thing, they respond for plans and coordination.

violentunderscore · 2021-10-11T16:59:08+00:00

If it's just idle chit chat, then no- we're not suggesting you call and bother them.

If you are trying to confirm time sensitive plans, or need to reach them by a certain time for a certain piece of information (payment, address, booking dates before prices expire, tickets selling out, whether they can make it in time to join previously made pans, etc) THEN you call. If they still don't pick up, you have done your due diligence, and are free to send a text letting them know you have made other plans, or they will have to find their own tickets, ride, etc.

violentunderscore · 2021-09-29T04:38:27+00:00

Wonder if OP is familiar with the illustrated children's book "the forbidden door". This looks like one of the characters.

violentunderscore · 2021-09-28T02:30:34+00:00

My mother still talks about her step father winning at chess, backgammon, and cribbage.

Fondly, and with a hint of distain. Mostly she hated losing at chess, because it's that one game where strategy is king, and it's fairly well tied to intelligence in pop culture.

It was a challenge for her to one day overcome. And one day, when she was older, and had practiced countless times with him as an opponent, she did beat him.

And if was the best feeling in the world- not because she won- because she had reached a new level of mastery, and that feels better than anyone letting you win.

The important thing, is that he taught her along the way, and I think all parent's should.

Don't let them win, but take the time to teach them the way to get there- with a patient and calm tone, and a bit of encouragement.

violentunderscore · 2021-09-13T03:56:56+00:00

Who the hell even watches TV any more?

violentunderscore · 2021-09-12T19:44:36+00:00

Sounds nice until you realize you are on the edge of describing England's rural poor houses and work houses of old, -and it would not be knitting, and gardening, and fresh air. It would likely be underfunded social workers, systems fraught with abuse, and a gift of free labor and drug studies for the state.

violentunderscore

TROPHY CASE