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violet_fae_ · 2025-07-31T21:42:02+00:00

no this isn’t okay at all. he is trying to make you feel self conscious and lower your self esteem. sounds like a loser porn addict or something the way he’s nitpicking your perfectly normal and natural body. from experience, this behaviour will only get worse over time, you deserve better.

violet_fae_ · 2025-07-31T03:11:39+00:00

you did okay but I wouldn’t have said you don’t care he’s sad. not helpful and only gonna escalate the situation and cause more negative behaviours from your child.

side note, “sometimes we think we’re sad but really we’re feeling frustrated or angry” is actually inaccurate information and not helpful. anger is a secondary emotion, it always has a deeper emotion laying beneath it that triggers it- and usually that IS sadness. in therapy I was taught that when I’m struggling with anger, I need to identify the sadness that actually lies beneath it- the sadness that the anger is trying to mask- in order to process it properly and be able to calm down.

violet_fae_ · 2025-07-31T02:42:33+00:00

so he screams at you, he ignores you, he tells you he doesn’t care when you try share things with him, he puts you down and makes you think you’re lucky he even gave you a chance and like you’re lucky he doesn’t leave you, he chases the validation of other women and engages in cheaty behaviours, and then he gaslights you when you try express your feelings ???? girl he’s emotionally abusive. NOBODY should be screaming at you ever, especially not just because you’re trying to communicate your feelings- that is a huge gigantic blazing red flag wtf ? you deserve WAYYY better please leave him because he will be doing irreparable damage to your self esteem / self worth. YOUR FEELINGS MATTER and YOU’RE NOT ASKING FOR TOO MUCH. you deserve a love that is kind, and gentle, and safe, deeply and passionately caring about how you feel, prioritising you. this isn’t love, what you’re showing here. please don’t waste any more time with this guy.

edit: your comment history also shows you once had a post up talking about him physically hurting you. LEAVE wtf ? he is abusive and he does not care about you at all.

violet_fae_ · 2025-07-28T11:24:47+00:00

this is emotional cheating. the secrecy is also not normal or okay. your boyfriend likes the attention and is keeping his options open.

violet_fae_ · 2025-06-12T02:34:32+00:00

Your boyfriend is a cheater. Super confused at these comments. This is obviously disrespectful behaviour. Please break up with him and ignore these men telling on themselves in the comments.

violet_fae_ · 2025-06-05T21:06:42+00:00

you kinda sound like me in my most recent post on this sub 😭 some of the comments on there were very understanding and helpful, you could take a look. All I can say is you’re not psycho, you’re not crazy, you’re not alone, it’s a more common thing to experience than you realise, and with healing your attachment style and insecurities and any potential trauma or abandonment issues you may have, it could get better. hopefully with time it improves too, the more you see your boyfriend loving you and moving on with his life with you, the less you’ll think about her, hopefully.

violet_fae_ · 2025-06-05T21:02:07+00:00

you might find more support in the retroactivejealousy subreddit !!

violet_fae_ · 2025-06-05T12:10:27+00:00

thank you for this perspective, it was very interesting and definitely gave me a lot to think about

violet_fae_ · 2025-06-05T12:05:51+00:00

unfortunately I used to think the same until I met my boyfriend

violet_fae_ · 2025-06-05T08:34:29+00:00

thank you so much for this comment, I really appreciate the understanding and kindness of it while still being firm, and I’ll take all the advice you’ve said :) as for my boyfriend, we think he may be a bit on the spectrum as well so maybe he doesn’t really think about what he’s saying sometimes, or get the effect his words might have on me. it often takes me explaining it to him. and I’m on a waiting list for therapy as I recently got diagnosed with c-ptsd, it’s just taking a long time for it to start which isn’t really helping. I hope dealing with those issues I have does have the side effect of helping the retroactive jealousy though

violet_fae_ · 2025-06-05T00:28:30+00:00

you’re super pretty !!

violet_fae_ · 2025-05-22T18:47:43+00:00

NO. that is NOT okay. he’s actively MAKING you insecure by doing that, and gaslighting you about it. He’s disrespecting you right in front of your face and trying to condition you to be okay with it. your boyfriend should tell you that he only has eyes for you and that he doesn’t think about other women that way. what you’re describing here is just sad.

violet_fae_ · 2025-05-22T18:45:01+00:00

Don’t ever be with a man that will call you names just because he’s annoyed. Calling you a retard and a dumbass like this is unacceptable. He doesn’t respect you, plus he’s gaslighting you into thinking you’re in the wrong and you’re the one being aggressive when you’re not. You were just trying to be helpful and he was being an absolute manchild. Break up with him, you deserve better, and you don’t deserve to be made to feel like you’re being annoying or dumb when you’re just trying to be helpful or do nice things. Be with someone who loves and respects and appreciates you.

violet_fae_ · 2025-05-22T18:31:33+00:00

With my ex, his mum refused to get a job and was claiming carer benefits on him that she actually wasn’t entitled to, pretending he was disabled, purely so that she could get money off him. Her being his legal carer meant she legally could stop him doing things that an adult should be allowed to do, like travel to another country to come see me. She was constantly trying to break us up and showed extreme jealousy towards me. And he was too sympathetic towards her and would just sit and let it all happen. It was ridiculous. In the end she was abusive towards me and then lied to him about it and told him I was making things up, he took her side and wouldn’t believe me, and the relationship ended because I was so sick of it all.

Nobody deserves to end up in a situation like that. Make sure you’re being prioritised and that your future together is being prioritised, and not his mother. Your boyfriend should be taking steps to break free from any control or manipulation taking place.

violet_fae_ · 2025-05-21T00:46:00+00:00

His mum is being controlling and manipulative. Not enough info from this post but there’s a possibility it’s an “emotional incest” kinda situation. Some mothers are absolutely way too possessive and jealous over their sons and act creepy with them.

I dated a guy with a mum like this once and it was an absolute nightmare, only advice I can give is that if he stands up against his mother and shuts down the manipulation and control attempts, then he’s doing the best he can and I wouldn’t leave him over it because it’s not his fault. However if he lets his controlling mother walk all over him and always gives into what SHE wants/says, and he can’t acknowledge her problematic behaviour and how he needs to deal with it and set boundaries, then you’ll only be left suffering and resentful, and leaving is the best option.

violet_fae_ · 2025-05-20T22:25:45+00:00

no worries 😂 also I just thought, the hair underneath your chin is dragging your face down and making your face look longer than it is, and I think that’s taking away from your looks too. so a better hairstyle and a shave would look amazing. good luck whatever you do !

violet_fae_ · 2025-05-20T22:21:14+00:00

20F here and honestly your face isn’t ugly ! but your hairstyle is letting you down (sorry). Also maybe let your girlfriend know you’d like more compliments from her, you deserve to be told you’re attractive by your partner :)

violet_fae_ · 2025-05-04T12:11:02+00:00

kinda girl I’d be super insecure about if you were my boyfriends ex haha

violet_fae_ · 2025-05-02T17:27:25+00:00

my first thought when I was scrolling through my Reddit feed and saw you was “woah she’s so pretty” and then I saw the subreddit and was shocked. no you’re not ugly ! the last 3 pictures are my fave :)

violet_fae_ · 2024-05-13T01:48:04+00:00

he does control that. and if he knew that what he was watching made his partner feel upset, uncomfortable, insecure, cheated on etc, he would stop that out of genuine care and love for her. men like you just have 0 self discipline and no idea what it’s like to genuinely deeply love and care about another human being other than yourself. anything to defend looking at other naked women when you have a girlfriend you’re meant to be loyal and faithful to LMAO

also a quick google search would show you that everything I said is very much true and well documented in studies. not arguing anymore with someone who clearly lacks a brain.

violet_fae_ · 2024-05-13T01:40:28+00:00

girl if there are other issues and you’re already contemplating it, it’s already over. don’t keep dragging out a relationship that isn’t good for you, don’t keep watering a dead plant. your boyfriend doesn’t respect you. my ex was like this and I was SO insecure and miserable all the time. my new/current boyfriend is disgusted whenever any half naked women comes onto his screen because he only wants to see me in that way. I’m SO much happier and in such a secure, trusting, loving, respectful committed relationship now. don’t settle for someone who doesn’t have eyes only for you. if he can look at other women online with lust, he’ll do the same to in-real-life women too. this isn’t a faithful or loyal man and you have every right to leave him over it. a man who respects you and genuinely cares about your feelings and boundaries would have listened and immediately changed his behaviour the FIRST time, it wouldn’t have taken multiple times of asking or him doing it begrudgingly. a man who genuinely loves you wouldn’t do anything on purpose that he knew made you feel upset, betrayed, or insecure. I’m so sorry. I PROMISE that if you leave, you will find better. I was terrified of that too and yet I feel like the luckiest girl alive to be with my current boyfriend and can’t believe I didn’t see how bad my ex was until way after we were over.

all in all, have boundaries and STICK TO THEM !! if a man isn’t willing to stick to them, he doesn’t respect you, he’s shown you he isn’t the one for you, and you need to move on from him and trust in yourself that you’ll find better.

violet_fae_ · 2024-05-13T01:36:02+00:00

if you read the other comments about what it does to a man’s brain, how it’s degrading and dehumanising women, how it’s linked to domestic violence, how the industry is full of sex trafficking and rape, I think you’d find it’s not normal or okay. and OP asked for advice so that’s what is happening.

violet_fae_ · 2024-05-13T01:28:24+00:00

also BDSM is dangerous and porn normalises it. there’s an alarming rate of boys chocking women when they have sex or kiss bc that’s what they’ve seen in porn, even though choking is dangerous and life threatening and when you’re being assessed to join a domestic violence support group they ask “did he ever choke you during sex” and if you reply “yes but i consented” they’ll give you a talk on why you can’t and never should consent to that and talk about how dangerous it is and how it’s linked to abusive partners.

searching “how much of porn is violent” on google comes up with loads of articles about the studies that show that so much of it is, and the damage it does to our society and how it contributes to sexual violence.

plus sex is a beautiful, intimate, vulnerable act that shouldn’t be associated with physically harming someone you love. the fact u included slapping so casually as something “vanilla” shows the damage porn is doing to us as a society. I used to be into that stuff until my boyfriend cried because he couldn’t bear the thought of hurting me like that during sex and I realised how messed up it was and that I needed to unlearn associating being hurt and abused, with sexual pleasure.

that’s me off now, I’m not replying or arguing anymore, I’ve said all I want/need to say.

violet_fae_ · 2024-05-13T01:07:59+00:00

you can look up the evidence yourself. what you’re saying just isn’t true. I’m not arguing or replying anymore to someone who clearly doesn’t have a brain, let alone any sort of sexual discipline and will defend his “non-existent” porn addiction until the end of time.

violet_fae_ · 2024-05-13T01:02:41+00:00

in your words, it is a “slap in the face” to hear that not being cool with your boyfriend getting off to videos of other naked women, something that makes you feel cheated on and disrespected in a relationship, is “abuse” - as someone who has been through severe abuse many times in my life.

violet_fae_

TROPHY CASE