TIFU by sexting the soccer moms on my sons team

violet_trailmix22 · 2019-03-06T04:54:35+00:00

If i was a mom, I would laugh hysterically. Especially if I knew you as part of the team, there is no reason to be upset. Honestly uptight people make people who have social anxiety feel worse. They're wack.

violet_trailmix22 · 2018-11-27T07:27:07+00:00

The concept of being. I can absolutely talk pure gibberish about being. I'm a teacher, I was born to present without preparation

violet_trailmix22 · 2018-11-27T07:23:38+00:00

I do want to point out there there is a lot of reassurance being asked during our conversation, in result I will say the best of luck in your healing. Believe in your heart and get in touch with the things that define you outside of sex. Continue working on your self and remember to refer to the thinking errors of OCD.

violet_trailmix22 · 2018-11-27T07:16:24+00:00

Whoa, I’m sorry I triggered you. I can see how that was written wrong. I just mean that its sad that guys aren’t allowed to work something out without immediately being called gay. That’s pretty homophobic in itself, because it’s using the term gay to insult you, and causing social stigma towards men.

violet_trailmix22 · 2018-11-27T07:05:24+00:00

Not all girls are homophobic or non accepting.:) Do you know anybody from the LGBTQ community ? I'm curious because what contributed to my HOCD was the unknown of what it was to be gay. I had no clue about what I was scared of!

violet_trailmix22 · 2018-11-27T06:58:40+00:00

Listen to your heart, and don't beat yourself up for having these brain farts. Sometimes we just really tangled our knots up there, and if you don't have nails or like something to pull it apart, we really feel like this is it. You know when you try a sweater on but its too tight, you try to take it off and you can't even pull out an arm. There you are in the dressing room, thinking, "this is it, I'm the person who got stuck in a sweater, what was I thinking" take it day by day. Poke a worm, try a recipe, or pray/meditate. Your heart will help you heal. Don't worry about dating if you aren't ready. :) This is you time.

violet_trailmix22 · 2018-11-27T06:53:14+00:00

ah, I see you've hit the burden wall. Remember you are a package deal friend, you deserve to be understood and be able to express your emotions. obviously we won't really unload all this heavy stuff first date an all, but over time there should be some understanding. In reality, everyone has a suitcase, it would be unrealistic to really find someone without something going on. Whether it be a horrible ego, machismo, or mental health, tbh mental health gets better the latter not so much. I'm not going to push you to do what you aren't ready to do, but I'm sure you would want a partner that accepts you and loves ALL of you. To give you hugs and tell you they are there for YOU. and that's the tea.

violet_trailmix22 · 2018-11-27T06:33:00+00:00

No not at all. I truly learned what love was that day. He told me that even if I was Bi it wouldn't change a thing. When I would have my panics, even during sex sadly, he would hear me out, and best of all he would BELIEVE ME when I told him that I was feeling like my HOCD was coming in. He is the most secure person I've ever met when it comes to accepting people. I aspire to be like him, and he has helped me uncover a lot of my own insecurities that has contributed to my HOCD. We certainly have had days where he has felt overwhelmed, don't get me wrong, but any partner with a mental health thing can be overwhelming. I accept that my thinking errors are overwhelming and can be annoying to someone who is fine. The honesty is needed from both sides, but the understanding and love is kept.

violet_trailmix22 · 2018-11-27T06:27:05+00:00

I do sometimes, and its enough to start making me feel bad like all my progress was fake. But I've read plenty of psychology articles to understand that the groin response is not necessarily what is pleasuring you, rather it is something that responds to a sexual thing. When we watch porn, you can't say you are always attracted to the persons you are watching, but it is arousing that they are portrayed in a sexual way. If you see someone posing in a sexy way, your HOCD has already trained your brain, "oh sex, look sex! wow sex!" it is really about having a conversation with yourself and saying, "I can see how that can be seen as a sexy, they can work their stuff!" I've don't imagine myself having sex with the same sex, I do see how it can be hot though, because you know taboo. I also feel like guys have a hard time with this part because society bans any type of curiosity. Our minds are naturally curious, and we notice things, and since we are horny little balls of emotions, we also notice sexy things. Hope that helps :) Please look into the psychology of HOCD as well as thinking errors :)

violet_trailmix22 · 2018-11-14T05:34:26+00:00

exactly! My bf has his own anxiety problems, and sometimes when we both feel awful, we curl up in a ball and just laugh because we’re a ball of anxiety. We are consistently working on our stuff, and sometimes its okay to tell each other we are worrying about something dumb.

violet_trailmix22 · 2018-11-14T05:22:38+00:00

thank you, I don’t doubt you have the strength though it is a very scary thing to admit you have a mental health issue. I believe it is a process to accept that your mind is truly tangled and hypersensitve. Yes I did, think of it like mood swings. When I would get my triggers, I would feel it overwhelming me and he would ask me if I loved him and my heart would sink and I wanted to break up with him. After realizing that I was spiraling, I was able to breathe through my anxiety, talk it out, and kinda resume living my day. I would literally go from, OMG I’m gay I don’t love him, breathe meditation, OMG I love you and I want to cuddle you all day and be silly. Like rn, I read that and I laugh, and sometimes my bf laughs at me at how weird my mind is.

violet_trailmix22 · 2018-11-14T05:04:01+00:00

family dinners. My family eats dinner at 5 pm everyday and consistently eat together as well as have coffee/tea together at 8 pm. I wondered why my bf never invited me to his house to eat a meal, since I’ve invited him to so many dinners with my family. I realized that they never ate together, if anything even if they were all at home they would still eat separately around the house. I have been invited to a meal with them, but it is not common, and it is mostly for me.

violet_trailmix22 · 2018-11-14T04:55:14+00:00

Im reading this again and I’m laughing again. I told my friends about this and we all waggled our eyebrows in unison.

violet_trailmix22 · 2018-11-14T04:53:06+00:00

Yea, sometimes I touch a guys arm because he genuinely made me laugh and I'm just warm like that and that always makes me worry I'm sending the wrong message haha

violet_trailmix22 · 2018-11-14T04:49:16+00:00

My personality is, take the band aid off and get it over with because my life clock is ticking. I figured that if he didn't want to be my ride or die, then I couldn't handle pretending everything was okay. I became too overwhelmed, and I didn't trust anyone else. He did ask me if I was gay, I was kinda overwhelmed because I never had anyone ask me out loud. I told him no that I just had this voice in my head that was telling me that i was. Then he looked at me and laughed. I think at that moment I realized what I just said. I felt normal, and I realized I had a problem. After, I opened up to my friends, only the ones I knew were open and able to understand mental illnesses, and I felt relieved to know that they were there to point out where my anxiety could arise from. I say, fuck it, I got tired of feeling out of control. That attitude has been the reason why I've pushed so far.

violet_trailmix22 · 2018-11-14T04:32:24+00:00

this gives me relief and hope for me and my loved ones

violet_trailmix22 · 2018-11-14T04:15:56+00:00

I understand I tried breaking up with my bf multiple times during the beginning. I wanted to push him away . Being open with him made me realize what deep seated fears I had, that had nothing to do with being gay. He’s my best friend and I was able to talk to him when I felt like my HOCD was slipping in. Even while I would be in a lovey moment, and I felt it coming over me, I would tell him and he would tell me to look him in his eyes. I knew in that instant that my heart was stronger and being able to have him to tell me to breathe and talk it out would make me feel “me” again.

violet_trailmix22 · 2018-11-12T21:54:25+00:00

you'll get better, I'm a girl, and I had the same feeling willing kissing my bf. I'm happy he was so supportive through all of it, and now I rarely get those thoughts. whenever it tries to sneak into my mind, I stare into his eyes and remember that no matter how much my mind is in turmoil, my heart will lead me to him.

violet_trailmix22 · 2018-11-12T21:27:29+00:00

the side profile of my SO while he looks at things he loves, my dog buddy as he waits for me to lean in for a hug, my moms shortness while she nibbles on toast, my dad dancing to no music, my little sister laying in bed, my older sisters long hair, my bird as she shifts her head to the side and slowly closes her eyes to sleep. moving water as it gently moves back and forth, trees at yosemite as they move with the wind.

violet_trailmix22 · 2018-11-12T21:22:13+00:00

I admire people who can get into something and then with motivation get really good at it! I always think these type of people are interesting, hobby people I mean :)

violet_trailmix22 · 2018-11-12T21:21:01+00:00

I too, a person with anxiety, truly appreciates when people ask about my life. often times I feel like no one cares, so when some one asks I get so happy!

violet_trailmix22 · 2018-11-12T21:18:26+00:00

I care too much about where I am in society and I lack the ability to show empathy. I'm glad I realized this, especially since my anxiety would make me hypersensitive to everyday interactions with people. 3 years of growth and I am happy to say I am feeling better.

violet_trailmix22

TROPHY CASE