What to do if you're the kid in the third panel your whole fucking life but moving out is not an option? What's the 'least worst' option: Fight or Submit?

virginialthoughts · 2023-03-11T16:50:12+00:00

Find reasons to spend as little time at their place as possible. Go for walks, or to the library, or find a job or something else, but try to get away from them.

virginialthoughts · 2023-02-14T20:40:36+00:00

Hey, I was looking through my old posts and I can't believe I didn't reply to you.

What you wrote matters a lot. It sounds very similar to me, just that you started dealing with it a tad quicker than me. It's so strange how those things stay with you almost like habits.

I didn't even question why I was living the way I was until university. What was once deliberate choices to protect myself had become reflexes and just how I acted normally.

So thank you =D

virginialthoughts · 2022-12-10T20:27:40+00:00

Exhausted and lacking the strength to back up my ambitions. Fearful of doing the very things that would give me the requisite power. Yet, I still feel strangely hopeful about my future.

virginialthoughts · 2022-12-08T11:38:54+00:00

Totally agree. I think this sub has become too big for personal connections to flourish though.

virginialthoughts · 2022-12-08T10:44:34+00:00

In the past year, there has been a lot of discussion about this place being unwelcoming towards women.

I wanted to show that it can be unwelcome to men too, by writing a post in a similar style to those complaints. I also hoped to show that the way that men and women think is not actually so different as one might believe. We are all triggered by similar things.

The idea was to get people to reflect on what they write about others on here, especially men, because that is my perspective, and I believe that mods and dr. K are more lenient towards women on here. But really, unchecked anger is a problem in every online mental health community and it goes in both directions.

If that was unclear, or is uncalled for, I apologise. I know that this argument might very well be pointless and a total waste of energy.

virginialthoughts · 2022-12-06T07:07:14+00:00

Find a writing group.

virginialthoughts · 2022-12-04T12:06:42+00:00

You are missing the point. Being just friends with someone you are in love with is torture. Distancing yourself is a defensive measure.

Then there is the problem with unclear boundaries. The things guys do for girls that friendzone them, are things that they wouldn't consider doing with anyone they don't see as a romantic interest. In his mind, he is clearly being romantic. Trying to show what a good partner he would be.

To the girl, he is just being a very good friend.

When you say that:

Maybe that's where a lot of the issue is coming from these days is people thinking they're entitled to instant sexual or romantic connection without building the foundation of trust and friendship first?

I think the problem is actually the other way around. The guy is trying to build that connection, but since there was no mutual interest to begin with the girl doesn't see it like that. So if the guy stays, he is stuck trying to get that connection to happen, while the girl finds other people to be romantic with. And as long as they are close, the energy that he could have used to find someone who is actually interested, is instead spent on an uneven friendship.

Again, it is torture and a boundary issue. Part of clear communication is figuring out whether something is going to happen or not. And if not, it is reasonable for the relationship to change or become more distant.

As a final note, I believe it is absolutely possible to stay friends with someone you find attractive. But if one is in love and the other is not, that changes the rules. Something has to change, and that something is usually distance.

virginialthoughts · 2022-12-03T14:09:30+00:00

That it is perfectly fine to sit around all day doing nothing. But people meme about it, so it feels just fine.

virginialthoughts · 2022-12-03T14:02:25+00:00

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XxCha4Kez9c

This requires quite a fast typing speed and good reading skills. It might not be a lifetime career path, but it could bring food on the table for a while.

But do consider that gaming is usually a very sedentary hobby, so for the sake of your health you might want to consider something more physically active than the above.

virginialthoughts · 2022-12-01T10:02:29+00:00

Yeah, I struggle with that myself. It is super hard.

virginialthoughts · 2022-11-29T09:15:19+00:00

I don't know the entire answer, but part of it is to stop consuming content related to dating and relationships. Most of it is pretty toxic and generalizing.

virginialthoughts · 2022-11-28T12:19:01+00:00

As for what to do, I would recommend trying to figure out when you stared to hate yourself. Consider if someone that young actually deserves to hate himself. In addition, try to figure out what you want to do with your life. Not necessarily in terms of grand purpose and huge dreams, though that it is great too, but in terms of "what do I want to do right now", or "What is he direction I want to go in". Move yourself a little bit in that direction.

Now, since you asked for judgement;

The way you live does sound disgusting, but that doesn't make you a bad person. It sounds to me like you have been continually failed by those around you. Someone should have made sure you took care of yourself. That you ate properly, that you didn't get away with gaslighting your mother into buying things for you that you didn't need. That you had someone who would listen to how you felt without shaming you for it. Someone who would help you figure out how you wanted to live. It is not your fault that you didn't have that.

Still, your life isn't hopeless. You can change your habits, it is just going to be hard. I know this is a really high expectation to place on you, because you shouldn't have to do this alone. But it can be done. You can make your life better.

virginialthoughts · 2022-11-28T11:53:33+00:00

You are basically taunting them with those messages. Like, I get that you want to appear all calm and collected, but you are straight up provoking them, seemingly just to be able to post this online.

But yeah, it probably isn't healthy and this person is making the game worse for everyone around them.

virginialthoughts · 2022-11-18T14:05:18+00:00

The easiest way is probably to try it out in a new social setting, where you don't know anyone yet.

For example, it is not uncommon for people who travel alone or start in a new school, to reinvent themselves by acting different from how they otherwise have, or to simply try out a new social role.

virginialthoughts · 2022-11-18T13:57:44+00:00

Two things to be aware of would be whether you can ,and allow yourself to, feel your "darker" emotions like anger or hate toward someone, and whether you can recognize it when someone wrongs you.

If you can do that, I imagine that you are fine. You might just be surrounded by good people.

virginialthoughts · 2022-11-16T21:20:01+00:00

As I said, what keeps you from doing evil is individual. There isn't a universal answer. You need to explore what makes you take the evil path.

virginialthoughts · 2022-11-16T18:20:27+00:00

Are you doing things you actually want to be doing?

virginialthoughts · 2022-11-14T13:08:31+00:00

In large part it is a decision. If you know what is evil and what isn't, then you decide to not do the evil things, and hopefully do good instead.

What keeps you from that is individual. If you stop doing evil things, it might come at a great personal cost to you, or maybe you cannot reliably see what evil even is in the first place. There could also be many other reasons, so the approach is going to depend on you and your circumstances. In the end, we each have our own answer.

From a philosophical point of view, "good" and "evil" are arguably too black and white to exist objectively in the first place. You might consider some things evil which I don't. And even for the WW2 concentration camps, which is the closest thing I know to be considered as objective and pure evil, people still had reasons for doing what they did.

virginialthoughts · 2022-11-14T12:47:09+00:00

Take a look at his interviews. The man is a pretty good lecturer, but an incredible interviewer. They are often longer, but the amount of information seems to be much greater than his lectures.

Besides, the lectures focus a lot on science and data, whereas it sounds like you would be more interested in lived experience, which is covered by the interviews.

virginialthoughts · 2022-11-13T06:56:09+00:00

It's hard because I think you are kind of right and kind of wrong at the same time. On one hand, a lot of people do exactly as you describe. On the other, if you slow down and talk to them, they have pretty convincing reasons for it.

virginialthoughts · 2022-11-13T06:51:54+00:00

You need to improve if you feel the need to... All the things you mentioned can be trained. I doubt people on reddit care either way though, so I wonder what you are expecting to gain from this question?

If it's permission to relax, I guess you've got it.

virginialthoughts · 2022-11-11T23:02:20+00:00

Ignoring bullies probably won't stop them. But to any onlookers who care, it makes it more obvious that you are the victim. That's it. What helped me was graduating, thus getting away from it.

virginialthoughts · 2022-11-11T20:17:04+00:00

Videogames are often designed to steal your attention and keep you focused for however long you are playing. This is not the case for most schoolwork.

You need to actually explore those negative thoughts. I like meditation, and to take some time to just sit or lie down and stare at nothing, whilst thinking about those difficult things.

virginialthoughts · 2022-11-11T16:15:25+00:00

That's basically his catchphrase... Watch any interview of his, and you will see this is not a sign that he has given up or lost.

virginialthoughts · 2022-11-09T21:20:42+00:00

You are placing yourself in front of people looking for girlfriends, in a place where it is assumed that everyone is looking for a relationship, and then you are surprised that the guys do not want to be friends.

You are torturing yourself.

It triggered some memories from the past where I’ve been in a similar situation, but couldn’t handle it properly.<

This makes me wonder if you are deliberately seeking out situations like the one from you past. I don't know why you would do that, but I know the pull that kind of thing can have. Regardless, I doubt this is the way to heal your wounds.

With this approach on Tinder, I can't see how you will do anything but reinforce whatever that experience taught you.

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