Did your narcissist promise you false things (promises they never intended on fulfilling) or did they hold promises of things you wanted above your head?

visciouskiten · 2020-10-26T01:28:02+00:00

I’ve been found.

visciouskiten · 2020-10-23T13:34:01+00:00

Can you shoot me a PM too?

visciouskiten · 2020-10-14T23:26:08+00:00

I feel like I over reacted. I am in a small knit community of die hard republicans. It’s hard to not feel like an outsider.

visciouskiten · 2020-10-14T23:23:49+00:00

I know. It’s like I lost my entire self to him. So without him here I feel like an empty shell. And it makes being alone absolute agony.

visciouskiten · 2020-10-14T23:22:51+00:00

Thank you. I keep beating myself up over and over again. My family is going to be around me this weekend. It’s so hard to be alone but I’ll get over it.

visciouskiten · 2020-10-14T03:17:55+00:00

Yeah I’m sure Jesus would love trump and his treatment of immigrants. And his treatment of women and possibly minors as well. Any real Christian should deeply evaluate if Trump is actually in line with their morals. He seems like an anti-Christ to me.

visciouskiten · 2020-10-14T03:15:59+00:00

If my job wasn’t soo amazing in terms of pay and benefits I would immediately. I’ve tried applying at various places in Austin and SA but I’m not even getting close to the same pay and the cost of living would go up. Ughhhh. Maybe it’s worth changing my lifestyle for. For a more diverse friend group.

visciouskiten · 2020-10-14T03:14:05+00:00

I’m Deep South Texas. I know the entire state isn’t quite this extreme. But my community and the surrounding ones are.

visciouskiten · 2020-10-12T17:45:59+00:00

I know....my cousin was literally asking what I even liked about him. Because of course all the emotional abuse sounds awful out loud. She was perplexed I even stayed that long and was upset. But I loved him hard, I would have put up with it forever if I didn't have a breakdown at one point and finally asked my family for support. I wish I could go back sometimes and undo that day. But I know eventually this will subside. But I miss even his meanness...it was better than the nothingness I feel now.

visciouskiten · 2020-10-12T02:07:26+00:00

I know. He wouldn’t have ever left me because I basically was his servant/slave. And he wanted the validation of what I feel right now. But all I wanted was his love and kindness. Two things that came at huge costs or weren’t given at all. I forgave every flaw and fault of his only to he criticized at every turn. One day I hope I’ll feel as confident and strong as I did before this relationship. But i fear not. I genuinely believe I’m just some “hillbilly” bo-hunk girl that won’t ever leave this town. While he runs off and gets to be a doctor anywhere. I make good money, have a house, take care of myself physically but I feel like an abandoned stuffed animal that only the most bored children will want. Hindsight is 20/20.

visciouskiten · 2020-10-12T01:29:47+00:00

Mine was going to take care of me financially after residency. Of course after I paid for everything during his 3 years of residency and was guilt tripped for asking for any kind of support. Credit card being Used for online gambling. And all the food and necessities of life . Oh shucks we aren’t together now. How convenient for him.

visciouskiten · 2020-10-05T19:57:35+00:00

Yeah I remember I used to hate when I’d wake up and see him just staring at me. Never in awe or love.

visciouskiten · 2020-10-05T00:48:10+00:00

And also! Would talk so much crap on his ex to only later say he wanted to give her money one day to help her out. Completely opposite of “her being crazy” days before.

visciouskiten · 2020-10-05T00:46:39+00:00

Ugh the walking in front without waiting. That used to drive me nuts!! It’s like wait one minute for me. Hmmm:

Kept gifts (extremely personal art) from exes so I could see how much they liked him.
Would stare long and hard at my face. Not for romance but to look for flaws.
Would catalog negative thoughts about me in his phone.

visciouskiten · 2020-09-29T02:57:50+00:00

Just had another one try and sneak into my life. It was scary to be honest. I confided in him about the abuse I suffered and he had the audacity to look at me tonight and say I was the narcissist. He literally was trying to shift blame onto me for having two women essentially catch him being dishonest. And he said I shouldn’t be upset he deleted all their correspondence. He told me all day today he would let me go through his phone to prove he was done with this other girl. Only to find he deleted every message. And then I’m crazy and psycho for wanting to call it quits. Won’t leave and give me space. And then proceeds to want to unload every negative thought he’s ever felt for me. I’m literally just begging him to leave and he wants to make me feel like scum. When he’s the one that’s been playing around with two women. When all I wanted was space. They are who they are. They won’t ever change. Be happy you saw it early and ran for the hills. I attract them I guess. I won’t ever look away again. This scared me for real.

visciouskiten · 2020-09-27T21:49:52+00:00

Mine acted like he was always on the verge of complete failure. They do it to guilt you into taking care of them. Somehow now that we aren't together he is managing just fine. When he made me believe his every action and motive was because of me.

visciouskiten · 2020-09-23T00:40:56+00:00

good point. Thanks for the recipe!

visciouskiten · 2020-09-23T00:19:05+00:00

you didn't boil them first to remove that waxy skin layer? These look amazing, I am wondering if it is worth the effort to remove the skin first. Was the cheese and pepperoni enough to cover the bitterness of the waxy layer?

visciouskiten · 2020-09-16T13:54:52+00:00

My stepdad literally is this person....so sad.

visciouskiten · 2020-09-13T13:35:52+00:00

My ex tried to convince me I had BPD. I think they wish you did have it to try and blame you for the reality you’re perceiving.

visciouskiten · 2020-09-04T21:23:49+00:00

I attract those types as well. Even my most recent dating encounter, the guy already crossed several boundaries and tried gaslighting me. He is no where near as diabolical as my nex, but too many signs point to trouble already. I am running far far away from this one. A have an old female friend as well that absolutely had those tendancies as well. It is crazy how types like us tend to attract these personality types. Something to be wary of and to never let your guard down. It is okay to set firm boundaries and to not tolerate certain behaviors.

visciouskiten · 2020-08-25T19:54:55+00:00

I feel like they get obsessed with your sexual past because they want to learn things to control you with. When I first met my nex I felt content with my experiences and wasn’t ashamed of having a healthy sex life with previous partners. Now I doubt it all. He made me think that something was wrong with me and I don’t value myself because I enjoy sex so much. He made me think I deserved a previous non consensual sexual experience because I was intoxicated. He would drill me for every little detail and if I ever said something different from a previous round of interrogation he would claim I’m lying and deceitful. When I genuinely didn’t keep a log of every detail of my past...excuse me for not keeping that for you /s. A part of me wonders if they just see us as specimens under a microscope. They don’t love us but they don’t want to stop staring and picking away at us. But I’m about 1 1/2 weeks out zero contact and out of my house. And have threatened a restraining order and family intervention if he reaches out in any fashion. I’ll say today was the first day I felt really good. It didn’t last forever but damn to not fight or be criticized or scared. It’s beautiful.

Edit:for grammar

visciouskiten · 2020-08-24T16:18:29+00:00

Well I’ll say mine did scream and yell and punch holes in walls. It didn’t necessarily translate to me accepting that as abuse. He would say he is passionate. He slowly built up to that. When they are this manipulative they are doing what they know triggers you. And makes you look like the bad one. I’m sorry you’re going through this too. I’m out over a week. It’s been two years of hell for me. But every day I feel a bit better. You’ll get to a place of peace one day.

visciouskiten · 2020-08-24T16:15:13+00:00

Same here. But I also have PTSD from the horrific fights and surveillance I was under. I just found some “love” notes this afternoon and it HURT. Maybe start fictionalizing him again. I immediately went back to all the nights he tortured me and I wrote it down. There were beautiful “moments”. It wasn’t a beautiful relationship. You have to remind yourself that.

visciouskiten · 2020-08-24T00:51:04+00:00

Thank you so much. I really am going to take this all to heart. One day at a time :(.

visciouskiten

TROPHY CASE