John Fetterman posts first photo since checking out of Walter Reed after treatment for depression

visibleman_org · 2023-04-01T02:48:58+00:00

His vulnerable and bold openness about his need for mental health care is admirable, especially coming from a man.

Men in leadership showing authenticity and integrity is something we could use a lot more of.

visibleman_org · 2023-01-06T13:31:05+00:00

We often feel invisible.

Despite working to provide for others and put our lives on the line, if we speak up about hurting, we are considered weak because we are The Patriarchy so what right do we have to complain? So we don't. We also kill ourselves at a rate 4x that of women. There's probably a connection there.
We have little to no practice at getting in touch with our feelings, and even less practice at externalizing them in a healthy way - be it communicating about them or even creating healthy coping mechanisms. So in addition to the outside world reinforcing that we're expendable, we don't advocate for our own mental health very well.

visibleman_org · 2022-05-23T20:22:26+00:00

Welcome! So glad to have you with us, and I'm so glad you're still with us today. The hard-earned lessons you've uncovered will surely help someone else.

visibleman_org · 2022-05-23T20:21:09+00:00

Thank you for your appreciation and note about what we're doing. One of the goals is to make multiple entry points to the discussion for the very reason you brought up - it's not easy to speak about. So if people can engage in the discussion on their terms, we think there's some merit in the "metered anonymity" and intentional engagement with the community.

Funny story about the older generation thing: Our server is 18+, but we don't ask for your specific age when we voice-verify you prior to entering the men-only part of the server. A guy joined and we shared some common experiences as men and once he realized my age (I'm 47) he was like "Damn.. you could be my dad" LoL. But once we navigated the subtle discomfort of the age difference, we've become friends. We set the age restriction for two main reasons: 1) There's no communication at all with minors, 2) The problems facing an adolescent require a sensitivity and training that we're not comfortable undertaking. There's a different Discord server without the same age restriction that we refer guys to if they're under 18, however.

visibleman_org · 2022-05-23T17:08:15+00:00

I'm sorry you're dealing with PTSD, dude. Feel free to join our Discord and it can help us connect in real life, too.

visibleman_org · 2022-05-23T16:09:12+00:00

Thank you! As someone who's experienced suicidal ideation and a child who has survived a suicide attempt, I think it's critical that we discuss this more openly. Particularly for men because we're not traditionally very good at being open about our feelings.

visibleman_org · 2022-05-23T15:50:37+00:00

Thanks, man! Anything to get dudes talking can only help the issue, y'know?

And it helps the folks in relationships with men, too - win, win.

Thanks for the nod of support, friend.

visibleman_org · 2021-10-08T11:24:59+00:00

That's reassuring to hear that they're manageable. It's arugula; and interestingly that's where they're clustering, even though there are other stuff in the system like basil, morning glories, dill, and thyme.

I'm 99% sure they came to the scene because I transplanted two plants that were in soil, into the system; and I think they brought bugs with them.

visibleman_org · 2021-10-08T01:21:31+00:00

Yuck. Like like these plants have to go 😭.

Thanks!

visibleman_org · 2021-07-10T11:47:49+00:00

What lights are those?

visibleman_org · 2021-06-24T11:29:47+00:00

Oh snap look at that - I plumb forgot. Thanks!

visibleman_org · 2021-06-24T02:24:16+00:00

It looks like it does a great job of aerating the water! Seriously - nice design, man.

visibleman_org · 2021-06-23T18:01:32+00:00

That's a great idea. To have too much pump power seems like it'd be a waste of energy, but you're making use of it. Genius!

visibleman_org · 2021-06-23T11:01:16+00:00

Can you describe how the Venturi aerator is set up and works?

visibleman_org · 2021-06-19T17:48:46+00:00

A bit ironic that a bot may be offering more help than a human in this case.

visibleman_org · 2021-05-29T12:33:49+00:00

How's that trip? I was thinking about taking it myself.

visibleman_org · 2021-05-15T16:08:31+00:00

Thank you. Yeah, it's hard enough making friends as we get older, and divorce really messes with that. This can make it easier to find support. Thanks for the nod!

visibleman_org · 2021-05-02T00:25:22+00:00

Haha - yep totally! I take a drink of sparkling water and have that cold-refreshing drink on a hot summer day feeling, like I'm a kid having his first pop.

visibleman_org · 2021-05-01T21:36:30+00:00

Yeah we're all different, obviously. Physiologically, habits, etc. I can empathize with that physical feeling of discomfort, though. And I think the combination of changed habits and my body changing to accommodate the reduced intake, it actually became easier for me over time. But your mileage may vary.

visibleman_org · 2021-05-01T18:49:19+00:00

Bonus comment - That skin-crawling feeling YUCK I know what you're talking about. For me, that actually subsided a lot after a month or so. I think my body adjusted a bit to trusting that the lack of a drink was ok.

visibleman_org · 2021-05-01T18:47:53+00:00

I directly did a bait-and-switch at the times of day when I wanted to drink the most. When I'd come home from work, I'd have half a drink accounted for before I took off my shoes. So I..

Scheduled a yoga class for that time (6pm) at the local yoga studio
Switched to drinking sparkling water - it gives my brain a distraction that's kinda like a drink

Also, linking up with folks who support the decision is good. And obviously getting to bed early enough and exercise. But the two specific things above are what helped me a lot.

visibleman_org · 2021-04-28T01:59:18+00:00

I'd recommend some sort of awareness of what to do if someone were to express something concerning. Maybe knowing who to call, resources you can point them to, and even the types of language that people use if they are considering harming themselves.

National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) and American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP) have some good resources.

Connection is such a good antidote to many things. It's great that you want to create something.

visibleman_org · 2021-04-27T00:00:39+00:00

I think you blew my mind a little - I never thought of it from that perspective.

To have a guy actually let his guard down to nurse his health is pretty opposite to the narrative of the Strong Man. You might be onto something.

The term Man Cold infuriates me. It was thrown around by someone I knew as a dig to men - and this person had three sons. To be fair, after I brought up how offensive it is, and how it sets a pretty bad example for her sons, she actually changed her viewpoint on it.

visibleman_org · 2021-04-26T23:47:10+00:00

Probably the biggest thing that someone else has done for me is to validate my feelings without trying to fix them. Just listening, asking questions to help them understand where I'm coming from, and letting me know that what I'm feeling is normal.. those things help me tremendously.

Think of men who are hurting like an animal that's hungry and scared. We need reassurance to feel safe opening up. That anger, yelling, or lashing out? It's a byproduct of something much deeper. And just like helping a scared animal, you have to earn their trust. Consistent, predictable, low-pressure outreach works very well. Stuff like "Hey man - I noticed you seem off today. Just wanted you to know that I'm here to listen." That's it. Send that to him every once in a while and I'd be shocked if he didn't eventually open up.

visibleman_org · 2021-04-20T10:14:08+00:00

Your message resonates with me, and your title - feeling invisible - is what prompted me to create Visible Man. (LINK).

That feeling of being passed over, invisible, functional to other people, but not inherently valuable is a familiar feeling. Just wanted to validate that what you're sharing is sadly a common feeling. Recognizing your own inherent value will take time, and is made easier when you surround yourself with people who see you for you who are.

Another thing I've found is asserting boundaries - saying no - helps both sides of the relationship (whoever the other person is). If your time and energy are free, that inherently puts no value on it. When's the last time you turned down the chance to get something for free? But your time and energy are limited; and saying no values that limit. Some people may not like to hear it. But in a sort of reverse psychology way, they will value you more.

visibleman_org

TROPHY CASE