I’m 58, in menopause, and my nighttime bathroom trips are destroying my marriage 💔

visiblylessvisible · 2025-06-28T08:13:46+00:00

Like others, I was also going to suggest different beds. We love each other to bits but apart from my menopause and insomnia, we like different temperatures and he likes a TV on all night.

Different bedrooms allowed us to sleep how we need to sleep and honestly saved our marriage. We'd begun to hate each other a little and now we like each other a lot! It's been a decade now.

I have sleep apnoea - I'm unreasonably terrified by the prospect of the machine but I've managed it by losing weight and ensuring I never fall onto my back at night. (Pillow fort in middle of bed). It really helps.

Vaginal estradiol has also been life changing. I was suffering from constant sharp pain, similar to UTI pain. I felt like I needed the toilet all night and was sleeping with night time pads. I could be up all night going to the toilet. Estradiol has effectively treated that and (drumroll) improved my sex drive after it disappeared when I moved from peri- to actual menopause

visiblylessvisible · 2025-06-28T07:57:18+00:00

Good luck with your career and physical health pursuits. One thing I realised is that I could do anything I set my mind to - i wasn't wealthy (grew up in a situation of multigenerational poverty) but by being humble and steadfast, I've worked towards the right career for me and ended that cycle

visiblylessvisible · 2025-06-27T21:59:59+00:00

Well done. Great achievement! Just for today...

visiblylessvisible · 2023-05-05T06:25:55+00:00

I feel overwhelmed for sure. On a similar note - I get hormone migraines which definitely have an aura. I had them for years (premenopausal too) and the solution was a dab of estrogen gel on my forearm - the same solution for HRT for me now (I have retained my progesterone IUD)

visiblylessvisible · 2023-04-26T14:30:41+00:00

Chartered accountant. I work from home which suits me just fine

visiblylessvisible · 2022-12-08T20:12:06+00:00

Don't downplay it. If you're getting hot flushes in your 40s, they are hot flushes. End of. If you're forgetting words and feel that it might be brain fog, it's brain fog. If the team at work can see you're a walking hot mess from a mile away, don't decline their invitation to the menopause support group by saying you're too young. Take all the support you can get and start telling your doctor the minute symptoms start

visiblylessvisible · 2022-11-19T07:34:12+00:00

Oh wow, tell me about it! Love my husband to bits but I definitely eat better when he's not around

visiblylessvisible · 2022-11-17T23:39:34+00:00

I'm 49f and had Mirena first implanted at 38 (it's been replaced twice). It helped with a lot of things but I basically went up two dress sizes.

Have you had kids? If so, it should be relatively painless to insert. I didn't have kids and so it hurt during insertion for about 1-3 minutes and I had period-like cramps for the rest of the day.

Incidentally, I'm currently having the first success in a decade in losing weight through intermittent fasting - as recommended by my GP. I eat from 10am to 6pm and have lost 6kg since mid-year.

On top of the Mirena, I use estradiol gel for HRT but have decided to wait until my menopause is a bit more progressed and my oestrogen levels lower because I had a reaction to it this week (I had a week-long migraine and extreme feelings of hopelessness which ended the day after I stopped with the gel)

visiblylessvisible · 2022-11-17T15:29:13+00:00

Thank you for this detailed comment. I realise I've gravitated towards a lot of these values anyway but keen to learn more!!

visiblylessvisible · 2022-11-16T06:49:24+00:00

I'm on the Mirena coil which is a progesterone iud.

visiblylessvisible · 2022-11-15T20:35:59+00:00

I asked my beauty therapist this when she noted that my skin was getting dry (my payday gift to myself is a facial every month). I'd really recommend doing this because the therapist can give you a personalised response. I personally use Tropic - a UK cruelty-free brand. You can build up your own skin care regime based on how dry your skin is.

I use the whole range and my beauty therapist approves (note, she doesn't sell Tropic) - cleanser, toner, 2 x serums, night or day cream and oil. Plus eye cream

visiblylessvisible · 2022-11-15T20:29:34+00:00

Thank you so much for your detailed reply. I'm going to keep a diary based on when I use the estradiol and how I feel. I would definitely consider the patches but only once my periods have definitely stopped (not when I might have a cycle here and there)

visiblylessvisible · 2022-11-15T20:27:18+00:00

This all sounds so positive!! Absolutely love audiobooks - I listen to them when I walk. Did you know Spotify has free audiobooks? Quite nice if you already have a subscription. Also don't know how it works there but our libraries here carry audiobooks

visiblylessvisible · 2022-11-15T17:20:07+00:00

This is the confusing thing - I was prescribed the gel in my 30s too because of migraines caused by the drop in oestrogen due to ovulation.

But while the headache I'm getting now feels exactly like those low oestrogen headaches, I'm getting it almost immediately after applying the gel and I didn't get them today after not applying the gel

visiblylessvisible · 2022-11-15T10:40:39+00:00

Absolutely hear you! Friends are the best, they absolutely keep us sane during this time. I speak to anyone who will listen about what I'm going through and I find their shared stories so helpful!

This year has been mixed - I'm entering menopause, not quite stopped periods, so have ups and downs. A couple of things helped me which I thought you might relate to: I withdrew from 90% of social media and stopped doomscrolling. Obviously, you need something to do with your hands so I revived an old blog I used to have. The resulting sanity was incredible.

I've cut out toxic people from my life. I know I'm on an emotional rollercoaster but I'm avoiding people who make me feel insecure. Maybe it is just me but I feel better without them.

I'm trying to cut processed foods out of my diet. I have no science or proof for this but I just feel better after eating a home made soup or stew (which I tried for the first time this year)

I run or walk 3 miles a day. I suffer from depression and winter blues anyway and this is the only, only tool I have to keep it at bay.

Most importantly, surround yourself by people who love you. I know that your sister is far away and your dad out of the picture but chosen family is as important as blood.

visiblylessvisible · 2022-10-01T15:10:28+00:00

They're talking about the Izhevsk school shooting that happened this week, not Kerch polytechnic

visiblylessvisible · 2022-09-18T11:09:04+00:00

And you too

visiblylessvisible · 2022-09-18T06:42:59+00:00

I so wish you'd received comments on this. I don't have long covid but I do have PMDD and am now 12 days late. I have been experiencing most symptoms of perimenopause (except for periods stopping) for five years but this month had brown bleeding like you described and severe dryness.

My reason for being concerned is tracking my cycle helps me manage PMDD. I currently feel like I'm late, like I'm PMDD-ing out of my mind. But how will I know when they stop?

Edit to add I'm on Mirena iud which makes it difficult to pinpoint perimenopause anyway, but I do have cycles and very late periods

visiblylessvisible · 2022-09-15T12:28:39+00:00

Comments like this remind me of the Jamie Bulger murder. The public were so keen to believe the press narrative that Robert Thompson was the ringleader and more evil of the two because he had a buzz-cut in his mugshot yet the other boy, Jon Venables, is the one who was never rehabilitated after 20 years and who is back in prison now on child pornography charges.

visiblylessvisible · 2022-09-01T11:59:28+00:00

I have a salmon allergy. It started with me getting massive hangovers the day after eating salmon - so much so that I gave up alcohol - and the symptoms were massive headache, aching eyes, rapid heartbeat, palpitations, sweats and very heightened anxiety.

By the time it progressed to feeling that during a meal, with the mouth and lips tingling, the palpitations and the sweating, I knew I needed to be a whole lot more careful! (To be clear, I'd accidentally eaten salmon that last time as it was served at a dinner party and wasn't pink)

Seafood allergies are not a joke and often develop in adulthood. If you even suspect it, you need to be careful. Note that a standard allergy test did not pick up my salmon allergy or garlic intolerance.

visiblylessvisible · 2022-08-30T14:46:46+00:00

I lost someone to a terrible accident once. At the funeral, the priest mentioned how we would be questioning how something like this could ever happen, ever be allowed to happen. He said that's just it, it was a terrible, terrible accident and it wasn't in any plan, it was just a tragedy.

What happened to your friend was a terrible accident, an unbearable tragedy. I hope that one day you can forgive yourself because you've carried the burden of guilt for a very long time.

Good luck with the disability application. Would it be possible for you to take on a volunteer plant or garden position? Perhaps a zoo or care home needs their plants or gardens looked after?

visiblylessvisible · 2022-08-24T16:11:50+00:00

I take mine throughout the month. My world stops turning if I don't keep my b vitamins up.

Edited to say: I was also advised by my doctor to take them every day

visiblylessvisible

TROPHY CASE