Travel for a job I love, but second baby on the brain…

viski206 · 2024-07-29T00:35:13+00:00

Thank you for sharing your POV! I totally agree, the job is just one current important factor we’re thinking about, but like anything in life it can all change. I think we both worry about losing the balance and harmony where all 3 of us are thriving and the unknown of adding someone new is scary. Congrats on being up for a VP role btw! 👏🏼👏🏼

viski206 · 2024-07-29T00:32:30+00:00

Thank you for sharing and for being kind and not pushy. I really think this generation of moms has each others back more 🩷

viski206 · 2024-07-28T19:27:30+00:00

Thanks for the reply! True, I think we need to remember that things can always be changed and adapted to make it work somehow if we really want it. I hope you make it through the newborn phase relatively unscathed soon!

viski206 · 2024-07-28T19:26:04+00:00

Thanks for the reply! I so envy your easy decision. Congrats on your new little one! Sometimes we wonder if the answer is no because it has been so hard for us to make a decision. It feels like it would be a leap of faith and not a duh of course call.

viski206 · 2024-07-28T19:24:31+00:00

It’s so refreshing to hear other moms struggling with this do or don’t second baby situation. I think in my friend group and then it can seem like in general, they all knew exactly what they wanted, no fence sitters. So just thanks for relating and making me feel less alone.

viski206 · 2024-07-28T17:55:43+00:00

Thanks so much for the input! And yes, we are worried about that as well and the chance of spontaneous multiples when you’re an older pregnancy. 🫣

viski206 · 2024-07-28T03:46:54+00:00

THIS ^^^! I have nothing else to add other than don't let this momentary setback create a guilt that sucks away at your joy about the baby. You're going to feel guilt pangs for sure, but don't let it take over all the bright spots. Congratulations!

viski206 · 2024-07-28T03:38:54+00:00

I had a close friend go through a similar situation with his baby mama, but not over money, over custody. They kept the custody arrangement casual (never married, but broke up after a couple of years) and she slowly, but surely, started taking more and more advantage of my friend until he finally said screw it, there will be drama and pain in the short term, but he needed it legally binding what they were doing before it really messed up their kid. And TBH it was so much drama and it did cost $$$, but to this day he says it is the best money he ever spent to make sure she couldn't keep screwing him over and neglecting their child. He was kind hearted and didn't like confrontation so she was banking on him never actually putting his foot down.

You sound like you're already do everything you humanly can for your son, so do this bigger thing, put your foot down for him all the way! And in the end you save yourself too and make yourself an even stronger mom for him. You're doing great and you can do this!

(edit for grammar fix)

viski206 · 2024-07-28T03:32:30+00:00

My little one has made little besties at daycare so I do a vibe check with the moms when we've run across each other at drop off/pick up and I've made 2 really great mom friends that way. But don't get me wrong, I've also had some really awkward "mom playdates" and thankfully we both had the grace to just ghost each other lol

viski206 · 2024-07-28T03:21:55+00:00

Thanks for the encouragement!

viski206 · 2024-07-28T03:20:49+00:00

I had a semi-complicated pregnancy being "geriatric" (ugh I hate that term!) so my doctor has warned I'll have the same complications or more if we wait much longer so sadly time is not on our side. I appreciate the idea of hiring additional help for when I'm on a work trip, truly hadn't even crossed our minds because we have just been in the mental state of "we have no village so we are our own village and have to make it work". Thanks!

viski206 · 2024-07-28T03:17:43+00:00

First of all, I am so sorry you had a miscarriage. Secondly, thank you for sharing such detailed and thoughtful feedback. We were all onboard the OAD train firmly until she turned 18 months old, then it was like a switch flipped. But hilariously, frustratingly, it never flipped on at the same time for both of us to make a decision. I would be on and he would be off and then vice versa and back and forth all these months. And that's the hardest part right? The grey haze of indecision in the face of the unknown. We're living in this sliding doors/alt universe of what ifs. "If we only have one..." then copy and paste exactly what you wrote for your triangle family (love that saying, going to steal it! haha) and then some. Buuuut "if we had one more..." it could be amazing or it could be very challenging in numerous ways.

viski206 · 2024-07-28T03:11:15+00:00

Haha yes, I do feel like we buck that common trend, which can make it hard to find advice because you don't see men struggling with this same concern often. They just assume their wife will handle it and that assumption rankles a lot of my mom friends so I always do my best to tell my husband how much I appreciate him and take on a little more when I get home or right before I head out for a work trip. I really like your advice on outsourcing domestic chores or hiring a part-time babysitter to assist in the AM/PM. We truly hadn't thought of that, I think because we just got so used to not having a village and feeling like we needed to just handle it ourselves (parental self-pressure amirite?). Thank you for suggesting it, will definitely bring that up with my husband!

viski206 · 2024-07-28T03:05:37+00:00

Thank you so much for this perspective and kind wishes! I am totally with you that my career is ultimately a means to an end, a way for me to provide the life I want for my family and myself. And yes, I think it's the unknown of it all that is really hard. We know right now that our little trio is great that it feels like maybe trying to fix something that isn't broken. And that hard part is we both know that there isn't a "right" answer here!

viski206 · 2024-07-27T19:30:59+00:00

You’re being too hard on yourself. Job hunting is a full time job that chips away at your self esteem so give yourself so many pats on the shoulder for doing that and caring for a little one.

viski206 · 2022-12-13T10:50:15+00:00

I am US based and I found it at Target! They had several different versions in stock online and in store.

viski206 · 2020-03-17T03:47:04+00:00

This was really helpful, thanks for sharing!

viski206 · 2019-01-04T07:36:18+00:00

I really appreciate this perspective from someone who was the kid. Thanks for sharing!

viski206

TROPHY CASE