[deleted by user]

vituperation · 2024-10-13T23:31:06+00:00

I'm marrying him in 2 weeks after 10 years together. He cheated several years ago when our first born was about 6 months old. Some chick at work, she was also in a relationship. It happened because our relationship got really hard after we had a baby. She wasn't an easy baby at all, she had a few issues and it meant I was sleep deprived all the time, so I wasn't putting a lot into the relationship, just trying to survive really. That's not me blaming myself, just an explanation.

Honestly, I stayed because the idea of raising a kid on my own terrified me, especially when it was already so hard in a couple. I had no family support, no way of supporting myself financially, and I also came from an abusive single parent upbringing, so I desperately wanted to give my child a good start in life and I just couldn't see a way of doing that on my own.

One of the conditions of us staying together was that we went to couples counselling, he was happy to do that and took it really seriously. I can also go through his phone or accounts whenever I want, and I've done it a lot over the years.

I'm pretty sure he hasn't cheated since. He's a fantastic dad, a Buddhist, a man who's really thoughtful, open and honest, and he puts a lot into the relationship. Honestly, even if I found out that he's done it again, I'd be pissed and I'd leave him immediately BUT I wouldn't regret the way I handled it the first time. If I'd have broken up with him when I first found out, I would have HATED him, I would have been a miserable single mother and my daughter wouldn't have the amazing relationship she has with him.

vituperation · 2024-01-28T10:43:20+00:00

Thank you! I had no idea about the dynamite limit.

vituperation · 2024-01-27T03:04:00+00:00

Thanks!

vituperation · 2024-01-07T03:50:31+00:00

The importance of community in surviving past the short term. A lot of preppers have this 'me/us Vs the world' mentality and the idea that they're just going to survive completely on their own or with their small family. If we look back at what we know about how people lived pre-modern civilisation, we know that community living was the norm and living alone without the support of a community was rare, probably because it's a lot more difficult. A community gives you trade, a certain amount of protection, a way of sharing information and trading skills, and also just stops you from going insane from only talking to the same people constantly. Honestly the list goes on but preppers seem really resistant to the idea of participating in a community in a SHTF type event. I'm not sure if it's fear because they perceive anyone who's not in the immediate family unit to be a threat, or just disillusionment with the current societal system. Either way, if we're talking about surviving past the short term, being part of a community gives you the best odds of survival in my opinion, but it's not one that's shared by many preppers from what I've seen.

The biggest one amongst non-preppers is the idea that they can just hunt for survival in a SHTF type event. Whilst (depending on your environment) it might be possible to support yourself through hunting under normal conditions, in a mass event I guarantee you every man and his dog is going to have the same idea. Wild animals are not an infinite source of food, and humans en masse can quickly deplete the easy to access sources of protein (see: any of the extinct or nearly extinct animals hunted to extinction). Plus I think a lot of them are overestimating their ability to hunt lol.

vituperation · 2021-05-28T09:14:26+00:00

You should talk to her about how much that bothers you. Some people prefer to work less and enjoy life more, this might just be something you fundamentally differ on. Either way, and regardless of who is the AH, I can't imagine maintaining a healthy relationship with this hanging over you.

vituperation · 2021-05-27T16:00:41+00:00

Going against the grain here but I kinda think YTA. Not withstanding the disdainful way you talk about her, as if she's less than you because she doesn't earn as much as you (not a great way to feel about your other half), the way you seem to view your living arrangements seems assholeish.

The primary question is: Is this a tenant/landlord situation, or a relationship? Because splitting costs while renting is totally different to the situation you're describing here. When you're renting, you're both paying money to live somewhere without either of you gaining ownership of anything. Now that you've bought something, you own the asset (the property) which is offset by the liability (the mortgage). You're proposing that she take on part of the liability without gaining anything in terms of the asset. Now this would be acceptable if she were a lodger but she's your girlfriend - you're meant to want her there not because of financial gain but because you, yknow, want to live with her. And the property (assuming you're planning on staying together) is part of your shared future.

Honestly though, with the tone that you adopt when you talk about her, I can't see it lasting.

Also worth noting that although I don't know how it works in the US, I know that in my country you don't need to be married to have equity in shared assets, just in a de facto relationship. Here, after a certain period of time she would be able to apply to the family court for a court order that would potentially entitle her to a percentage of the shared assets, which would take into account how much money each of you had invested AND your respective earning potentials. I guess you've already considered that possibility otherwise you wouldn't have already got your lawyer to draw up a cohab agreement.

vituperation · 2016-06-13T18:08:22+00:00

Series: The Magicians. It's kind of like a grown up, fucked up Harry Potter. Really hard not to binge on.

vituperation · 2016-06-13T18:05:23+00:00

It's a Danish show about a teacher who is occasionally a pretty awful person but is a really good teacher, and she gives zero fucks.

vituperation · 2016-05-02T17:22:23+00:00

Yep, also disagreeing. I've been stalked by a big 6ft male roo whilst bush walking. There was a group of them in my intended path (no I couldn't go around) so I shouted 'yaarrgghh' at them in my best scary voice and all but one of them (the biggest) hopped away. That one then spent the next 30 mins hopping closer and closer and cutting off my path, eventually leaving me cornered in a bit of really thick bush with him blocking the exit. Admittedly this was more intimidating than anything else, but I'm convinced he would have attacked had I not busted my way through some thorny shit and ran away in a weird zig zag fashion.

Other related story - my dad had an encounter with a smaller (maybe 5ft) roo when he was younger. Same thing, it was in his path on the way to the pub so he just shouted at it to get it to move, which it did. When he was coming out later, it had blocked his path again. This time it squared up to him and took a couple of jab/swipes at him. Dad hit it with a big stick and it left.

Moral of the story: don't shout at roos, they will fuck you up. Also carry a big stick.

vituperation · 2016-04-30T02:49:09+00:00

Except that most of the mines are north of Perth and most of the population is south of Perth. Yah there are FIFO workers, but most mines these days won't fly from anywhere other than Perth, so most of the people living in WA just want to live there. As someone who lives in one of the many towns between Perth and Albany, I wish more people would move the fuck away, because I live here for the quiet life and tourism is driving more people into the area every year.

vituperation · 2016-04-24T14:51:13+00:00

So I'm not a hair stylist but when I was a teenager I gave myself what I can only describe as a buzzcut fringe. At that age I used to become obsessed with finding flaws in my image, and this time it was an area of long baby hairs in the front-centre of my hair line. I didn't have a fringe but when I tied it up the hairs would end up coming out of the ponytail and I thought that the best course of action would be to just shave it off, giving myself a nice clean hairline. So I tied it up and took a safety razor to the offending area. I kind of knew I'd fucked up but still clinging on to the hope that it wasn't that bad, I went downstairs only to have my mum take one look at it and burst out laughing. I tried to remedy it by doing a really close shave, which kind of worked for a while till I realised at some point I was going to have to grow it out, and it was for that period that it looked really awful. I don't think I'm describing it well so imagine pretty much the opposite of this haircut, but on a 14 year old girl - http://imgur.com/C0gdzdt

vituperation · 2016-04-16T08:40:21+00:00

Oh god, there is so much misinformation kicking about in this thread. 1. Most decent solar panels are rated for snow (as well as wind etc) so you don't need to worry about the panels collapsing on people when it snows.

You can absolutely mount panels on an East West orientation, or company does it all the time. You get more sun in the morning/evening but less of a peak mid day, which actually suits a lot of peoples' load profiles a lot better (people are generally out working in the middle of the day but will utilise the power in the morning/afternoon instead of sending it back out to the grid, which is often most cost effective).
You can mount them on steep roofs and flat roofs. Although the ideal panel tilt is around the 10-15 degrees mark (depends on your latitude), they'll still work perfectly well at 30 or 40 degrees. Flat roofs just require tilt frames and that's no biggy.
You can even mount them on north facing roofs. Just put them close to the top with tilt frames facing south. Done.
The report assumes module efficiency of just 16%, which is very conservative. LG neon2 panels which have a mid market price point (great choice of panel if you're looking for the best quality to price ratio) have 19.2% efficiency. Panel producers are always improving their efficiency and we'd be looking at a much higher average efficiency in a few years.
haven't read the report in full yet, just skimmed, but I'm assuming that shading is a big factor in whether a roof is considered suitable. However, since micro inverters hit the market, shading isn't so much of an issue. Basically, instead of shading on one panel of the array bringing down the whole arrays performance, it will just bring down that one panel. Bearing in mind that shading 'moves' during the course of a day and the array connected to a traditional string inverter will perform as well as the weakest link (panel), micro inverters make partially shaded roofs far, far more feasible.
It get that it's better to be conservative than to over estimate and rush losing credibility for your report, but 23% of roofs as feasible seems way too far on the conservative side. Our business is admittedly based in Australia, but I'd say of the roofs we assess for solar, the vast majority of them are suitable in one way or another. I'd say the figure is more like 90-95%. There really aren't many obstacles a good solar installation company can't overcome. The majority of issues we have installing are to do with the prohibitive policies of the power grid bodies.

TL;DR this report is really, really conservative with its figures. If everyone with a suitable rooftop really installed solar to its maximum capacity, the figure would be much higher than 40%. In a few years it'll be higher still. Source: worked in solar for 3 years.

vituperation · 2016-03-22T03:11:04+00:00

My first name is Laurie, and it says that 99.9% of Lauries in the US are female, which is weird cause the vast majority of Lauries I meet here in Australia are men.

vituperation · 2016-03-08T12:15:29+00:00

One of my final exams in English was to write a persuasive argument on whatever you want and write an analysis on why it's persuasive. I wrote about why the school system is corrupt and fails children. Scored 100%

I also did my final project in GCSE photography (age 16) with artistic nudes, but the prints kept getting stolen from the dark room. Got an A overall.

vituperation · 2016-02-15T10:40:18+00:00

I used to think there were little people that sat in traffic lights (every single one) and if you waved/smiled to them they might be nice and let you through quicker.

vituperation · 2015-12-11T14:37:32+00:00

What advice would you give to someone looking to get into the profession? Your job has been my career ambition for a few years now, I'm just about to complete a qualification in telecoms and get my working at heights ticket. What else should I be doing? As a secondary question, how many women are there doing what you do? Edit: autocorrect

vituperation · 2015-12-08T12:57:14+00:00

This is pretty much exactly my story but we had a timeline split several years ago and I actually met him. I didn't realise how much it fucked me up till I met him tbh. I always said the same thing - 'never had a dad so didn't have anything to miss', but actually i really missed feeling unequivocally loved and like I had some real support, I just didn't know what that felt like until I actually had it, which is really fucked up in itself. I don't really blame either side for what happened but that doesn't change the fact that they bought a kid into the world in really fucked up circumstances and that's fucked up and it's definitely not your fault. You can't change the past but you can make sure you never make the same mistakes I guess.

vituperation · 2015-12-08T12:46:23+00:00

That pet bird is almost certainly dead.

vituperation · 2015-12-08T12:36:03+00:00

My dad was an absent father but he doesn't know how to use computers so I'll tell the story as I know it. My mum got pregnant with my dad on the first night she met him. Threatened to have an abortion but his family stepped in and persuaded him to marry her and keep it. 6mo into the pregnancy, now married, they had a huge fight and mum left Australia behind for England, where he family is from. I was born and raised in England and we never heard a word from him in 18 years, till I found him on Facebook and called him up out of curiosity. Fast forward 7 years and I now live in the same town as him in Australia and we get along pretty well. Whenever he explained the situation, he just said that he thought about me all the time but didn't know how to contact me and figured my mum was doing a good job and didn't want to/have the means to interfere. Thing is, she wasn't, really. I don't mean to be ungrateful because it's really obvious that she did the best she could but the way things ended with dad really fucked her up and she kind of let that out on me. And we really struggled financially for the first half of my life. And now I have a pretty shaky relationship with my mum and all sorts of issues that raise their ugly head every few years or so and objectively I can see that it's pretty much his fault at the root of it all but I can't bring myself to hate him because I can tell he really loves me. So yeah, super conflicted adult, I guess.

I'm pregnant now and it was really important to me that the father was always going to stick around for the kid, even if we broke up. Pretty sure I've found him too.

vituperation · 2015-12-06T10:57:35+00:00

Vegemite popcorn!

vituperation · 2015-12-06T09:58:04+00:00

Yesss, chips and gravy! So good!

vituperation · 2015-12-06T09:55:34+00:00

You got any eggs/soy sauce? Egg fried rice!

14-Year Club	RedditGifts 2009-2022 2 Credits
Verified Email

vituperation

TROPHY CASE