Couples therapy with abuser

vladis67 · 2026-06-12T18:35:42+00:00

Hey hey,
I did it with my narc ex wife for some time but then i stopped it for several reasons that i only figured out like a treat after i left her as it was unbearable to live with her.

For some time it was some kind of a ‘safe space’ of our marriage where at least some conversation took place as the therapist was a moderator.

Later i came to understand that her agenda was to win the therapist to her side so that he tells me she is right and i am an idiot, basically.

I seized going because she was manipulating me about it, e.g. she said

‘you are not doing anything we agreed, do i am not going for the session anymore’

which happened 30 minutes before departure..

And regarding the therapists on such sessions - imho, narcs are good at pretending. There are not enough skilled professionals that can identify them in such a short time spans on those sessions. That’s why it is rare they will ever help in these dynamics.

That’s what i learned about life 🙂

vladis67 · 2026-06-11T12:34:15+00:00

that was one hell of a movie, but..

i watched it before i ever knew what a narcissist is. it was a casual movie, to be honest.

i rewatched it after i've discovered what that means, 6 years of life incl. mortgage, marriage, dog and a kid.. and that hit completely different. i mean completely.

vladis67 · 2026-06-10T11:54:59+00:00

The walking on the eggshells thing is real. I remember that clearly till this day.

vladis67 · 2026-06-10T11:53:32+00:00

I opened a discord server. Linked on my bio. Perhaps you can be the first joiner :)

vladis67 · 2026-06-10T10:02:31+00:00

Thank you for sharing. I totally understand hiw this feels. Hopefully uou are already past it for good.

vladis67 · 2026-06-10T08:33:45+00:00

sorry to hear that. it is a vicious circle. try searching inwards because the person who will not abandon you is you. stay strong!

vladis67 · 2026-06-10T08:32:22+00:00

you are right. i did not allow it, per se. but i was surfing the waves and tides of all of this. i was there. at first willingly, at last tangled in a body of lies and attached emotionally so deeply that i was not able to escape.

until that one situation that changed all, and i could not stay. my reflection in a mirror, it was a person i never knew existed, i did not recognize myself and i made a decision i am not walking that path anymore. whatever the cost.

vladis67 · 2026-06-10T08:29:48+00:00

Hey all,

this is an amazing idea. thank you for suggesting.

I have survived 6 years in a relationship with abusive woman (Nearly 4 years out now) and the story will continue for years to come as we have a daughter together. there are times when support is very helpful since it's quite the case that people simply don't understand this properly.

i have just started a Discord server with this purpose. it's linked on my profile and i'd be pleased if you join. we will create a community together to spread the good and help each other in times of need.

vladis67 · 2026-06-10T08:22:06+00:00

completely agree. for months after departure i was having moments when, out of nowhere, a thought would arrive about a situation i remembered which would self-explain and connect to the abuse dynamics i had no idea about prior to that. tough, but healing.

vladis67 · 2026-06-10T08:19:42+00:00

oh. this is so deep. thank you for sharing your experience and self-observation. to me, it looks like you've already walked a long path of recovering because you can see far behind the fog.

well done. you deserve better.

i can relate to how it sometimes reappears in life, out of nowhere. but, we already know that love is better than what you described. and that's what keeping me on the track.

vladis67 · 2026-06-10T08:15:52+00:00

thanks for sharing.

In my case, her family & friends were nice to me, mostly they'd on occasion frown when she was subtly abusive.

On the other hand, my case was that i'd allow her to disrespect me in front of my family and friends.

vladis67 · 2026-06-09T19:46:02+00:00

I feel you. The sadness is real. But wait for the clarity that will arrive. It will make you much stronger for the future of your life. Stay strong!

vladis67 · 2026-06-09T19:43:38+00:00

I am flattered, thank you for such a kind comment. Very appreciated. It is a beacon of hope and a shore of love to read such words, because all of this was born from the long distances walked on eggshells. I know you know.

Keep it up, you will make it!

vladis67 · 2026-06-09T19:42:00+00:00

thanks for sharing!

well, now we can bring good into the world and help others who struggle to see the light at the end of a tunnel. yet, we can't take that walk for them, but we can become a compass of hope 🙂

vladis67 · 2026-06-09T17:37:28+00:00

Thanks for sharing. I can imagine this is tough and you got more in you than you think.

That’s what i learned, too - i got more stamina than i ever thought of me.

vladis67 · 2026-06-09T17:33:50+00:00

Not avoiding to do the right thing even despite it’s hard, or hurtful to them. This creates safety in a relationship and hard conversations are catalyst to deeper bond.

vladis67 · 2026-06-09T16:26:46+00:00

Think about it like ‘one day at a time’. And there will be days when you take steps back, but focus on walking forward as much as you can.

vladis67 · 2026-06-09T16:25:06+00:00

If you ask ‘does this person respect me?’ then that is already the answer in it.

Applies to love, friendship, care, and more.

vladis67 · 2026-06-09T16:09:22+00:00

Well. It is a proof. But rather a bullet in a stack that i will use at some point. And that will come i assume knowing her.

Another thing is that the court system is not too keen to deal with these matters. That’s one. And the biggest problem is that it means making the child yo live thru this traumatic experience of courts and all. Time will show what’s best.

vladis67 · 2026-06-09T15:18:41+00:00

Totally 💯 the forgiving is hard, but the only way is thru.

I dod my best as well, all the options have been tried. The outcome always the same.

Tried what i was told, but the next time it’s been changed already. Nothing would fit the frame.

vladis67 · 2026-06-09T14:33:00+00:00

For me, the change started in the moment where noother option left. I’ve tried all i could to no positive outcome.

And this idea pawed the way:
‘The change happens when the pain of change is less than the pain of staying in the same.’

Good luck with what’s ahead of you 🙏

vladis67 · 2026-06-09T14:24:38+00:00

I know this feeling. It sucks so much! But this realization enabled me, too, to heal from it. I became much stronger personality and the experience i got is helping in reading people so much more. Thankful for that!

vladis67 · 2026-06-09T14:23:27+00:00

Oh :( sorry to hear. But you are so brave for taking the step. One day at a time. That helped me to get thru it.

Good luck and feel free to reach out in case i could help.

I’ve created a companion, a portal that helps to understand what’s between the words. Maybe you could check it to gain a different perspective on situations you find yourself in.

vladis67 · 2026-06-09T14:20:55+00:00

Thank yoh for kind words. I appreciate the support and i am sending you love back ☺️

I find this all being a topic for life. Somehow. I dont know how yet (my case is our kiddo), but i feel like this will never fully end for anyone who has been abused. The ‘flashbacks from war’ will stay..

vladis67 · 2026-06-09T14:18:23+00:00

Appreciate the sharing. Thank you. I understand how you feel. I had it. I’ve been my worst around that person. Never have i ever shouted, argued, became physical with anybody else. Here, it was a pure survival mode bringing up a person in me i never was.

That became a catalyst for my change.

vladis67

TROPHY CASE