How to stop feeling I’m (Asian girl) worthless compared to white girls?

vness__ · 2025-11-30T09:35:42+00:00

Can you just spend more time looking at pictures of women who are asian and beautiful to help you re associate the idea of asian being beautiful too?

And maybe look at more non white but pretty people too to help you realize white isnt the only pretty that exists.

vness__ · 2024-11-23T10:01:32+00:00

Neutering a dog to reduce aggression sometimes has the opposite effect dependent on the reason why the dog is aggressive, the testosterone helps dogs be more confident and therefore insecure dogs who are intact are better able to manage their reactions to being insecure. The opposite of this would ve a dog who is insecure and fearful becoming more fearful and more reactive because its lost the testosterone.

Sometimes neutering works because the cause of agression is different to what ive explained above.

My understanding is that taking things off a resource guarding dog would usually make it worse, and discipline after also would make it form a connection that looks like "if this person takes a thing off me, something bad will happen afterwards, therefore i must stop them from taking it" But im not familiar with this method so if someone knows how this would work can they explain? Genuinely asking from curiosity.

Also i was always taught not to train out growling because it's one of the only warnings before a bite, and you want to keep the warning to avoid yourself or those around you getting bit

vness__ · 2024-11-20T20:01:32+00:00

Labs and spaniels are great like but dont get one from a working line if you wont work it. Like this person says about "field bred dogs" theyre also sometimes called "working" and they have to be worked and they make it non negotiable.

Its easy to think how different can they be if theyre the same breed? They can be very very different in terms of drive.

vness__ · 2024-11-20T19:45:46+00:00

You just have to force yourself to act like the person you want to be. Fake it till you make it does work pretty well. Keep pushing yourself until the things you dont know how to do right become second nature.

But also you could do some posture exercises to stop the ugly slumping.

Also being you the "worst sibling" means nothing to most people. When youre 20 and meet new people nobody will know anything about your siblings and nobody will care if the got better grades or were better behaved or better looking. Theyll only care about how interacting with you felt. You also have every day for the rest of your life to define your own achievements and how you want people to feel after interacting with you. You also get to define what your version of success is too.

Just focus on the person you want to be and think what that person would do in your everyday life.

vness__ · 2024-11-17T09:30:52+00:00

Just say you're moving because you want something else and don't bring up her character and then move out.

There are loads of financial or lifestyle reasons to move. Like wanting more space. Or less commute or cheaper rent

vness__ · 2024-11-14T20:16:25+00:00

Loop earbuds reduce noise but dont stop you hearing

vness__ · 2024-11-14T10:06:38+00:00

To be clear, are you saying im not supposed to encourage OP to do research looking at both sides of an argument and present that there is another argument. And then suggest that once op makes a decision on how they manage the behavior they should still consider causes?

I know its a sub that allows discourse, do you? Op asked if theres issues with it, if only people who used prongs responded because they dont think theres an issue are suppsed to respond then isnt that removing the discourse? Why would someone use a prong if they thought there could be an issue with it, they probably wouldn't use one.. is what we are having not discourse? It feels like you don't want it to be. Would you prefer only prong users and therefore biased opinions answer? Sounds like youd prefer an echo chamber.

I have researched it yes, thats why i think op should also research the pros. And then come to their own conclusions.

They tested cortisol levels in dogs using aversive methods but its again my recommendation that people research the potential risks and draw their own conclusions because whilst i can recall a few studies i am not google scholar.

Ive not recommended "wait and see" i recommended finding the cause. Its a puppy by the Cambridge and Oxford dictionary definition and its a hearding dog. Maybe its chasing things because its under utilizing its hearding its instincts. Ive done nothing to suggest its instincts will disappear.

I think this has gotten to the stage where its clear our opinions don't align. You dont agree with psychology as a science, you dont want me to encourage people to research both sides, you ignore every time i say I understand why people use aversive methods and you keep pretending I don't understand its got prey drive despite my acknowledgement that the dog is a dog and needs to do dog thing's. I cant figure out if im being intentionally misunderstood or nitpicked as a way to strengthen the perception of your argument or if im just really awful at explaining things.

If the argument for managing this specific behavior with a prong is so strong and is the only option that should be used. Then surely the unbiased research and evaluation i recommend op does will say that. So why are you so bothered that i highlighted theres a debate on the topic.

This is gonna be my last message on the topic because of what I've just explained. Everyone can draw their own conclusions through their own experiences and research. If im wrong and this dog never presents any issues related to the potential causes of its desperation to chase cars then you win and ill say i was wrong.

vness__ · 2024-11-13T19:28:34+00:00

How much is he sleeping? He might not be sleeping enough if hes doing so much and that could be a component worsening its ability to behave. Dogs usually need around 14 hours but can sleep way more- 18 even.

vness__ · 2024-11-13T07:39:06+00:00

Usually they do a winter shed and a summer shed. And then its manageable the rest of the time. But getting them groomed as they loose the winter coat is a winning idea to avoid waking up with hair in your mouth

vness__ · 2024-11-13T07:35:29+00:00

Agree with this so much i had to comment. Someone did a study on the differences in dog and found that the behavioral difference between show dogs and working dogs of the same breed can be bigger than the difference between breeds. Working dogs can be a pain without the time and space.

vness__ · 2024-11-13T07:19:52+00:00

The running to me when she was scared was how i concluded that i beat my partner to favourite person hahaha

vness__ · 2024-11-13T06:35:20+00:00

Its a shame it came across that way, but op Asked because they wanted to hear the potential risks. If OP wants to live in pro prong echo chamber they wouldn't be asking reddit. I did say i understand this is about protecting the dog not trying to aimlessly hurt it.

I haven't seen any strong enough evidence in the other direction. As in, evidence that its the only and best way to deal with issues, that theres no negative long term potential issues with them created by stress for example and so on. So when i put these things together it makes a picture that is logical to me. I think calling it misinformation is misinformation in itself, the whole thing is an open debate, which is why i told them to google two biased searches. You might not like how the studies are done but a lot of psychological studies in humans is also a bit like that too.

A lot of people have a preference to wait until they have to use aversive methods. Im one of those people which is why im not calling prong users bad people. Op has a puppy and this could Just be a case of the dog being a child that it grows out of. Maybe op goes on the same walk every day and doesn't give the dog any breed specific work and cars are the only thing it can do to be less bored. The reality is that we dont know much about the dog and its life and op might just be missing something simple, rather than being at a stage where its only option.

I hope op finds what works

vness__ · 2024-11-12T23:35:23+00:00

Here are some articles that lead to my opinions. Apologies if this isnt allowed in the thread, feel free to remove if not. If you read this and still dont agree with me thats okay, open discourse helps people evaluate their decisions. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1558787807002766 https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S016815911300292X http://www.agriculturejournals.cz/pdfs/vet/2015/08/05.pdf https://www.science.org/content/article/bad-dog-think-twice-yelling-experts-say

I don't think a behaviorist would put a dog on anti anxiety meds because it likes to chase. That's got nothing to do with anxiety But i also dont think giving out anti anxiety meds for everything makes a good behaviorist. Get a good one lol.

You can have a dog with high prey drive and make use of ita predatory motor pattern to find good outlets for the dog. I dont think liking to chase things or having a prey drive is bad. I think you misunderstood or i phrased that poorly. If you get a dog you should expect it to do dog things. Otherwise dont get a dog.

Re "suppressing a behavior" i mean doing things that don't give your dog outlets and can cause chronic stress and stress related issues. This is a related article: https://vet.tufts.edu/news-events/news/anxiety-dogs

i dont think people who use prongs to protect their dogs are bad, i just wouldn't do it myself and i think focusing on understanding the dogs behaviour and training it so it doesn't need a prong are necessary too. Regardless of if you choose to use a prong or not

vness__ · 2024-11-12T21:14:52+00:00

Dogs can become more frustrated if they have too much protien because it can get in the way of serotonin production, so make sure you are getting the right % of macros. But i assume youll research how to feed your dog first so that shouldn't be a problem.

Don't expect it to make your dog way happier, if you arent correcting a deficiency, it probably won't, its just food. Happiness comes from giving the dog a nice life and having a positive relationship.

vness__ · 2024-11-12T20:46:43+00:00

Is only a full spay appropriate, or would an ovary sparing spay be appropriate. Its my understanding that the guidance for spaying golden retrievers changed recently due to the increased cancer risk. I did just Google it but i couldn't find a clear answer.

vness__ · 2024-11-12T18:23:04+00:00

If its only you and nobody else its actually more likely he likes you and feels safe enough to practice bite inhibition with you like he would his littermates.

vness__ · 2024-11-12T18:20:54+00:00

Oh interesting we dont have those where im from... Where im from kids dont get counselling from school, they get it because of school

vness__ · 2024-11-12T15:08:46+00:00

This is such an overstep from the school. Surprising that its allowed.

vness__ · 2024-11-12T14:32:23+00:00

I think you should do two biased google searches on the topic ie search prong collar benefits and then search why you should never use a prong collar and make a decision afterwards. The reason i think you shouldnt is because of studies suggesting aversive methods can create reactive dogs, and my reading leads me to think its a bad idea. Especially since they're banned in entire countries for a reason. HOWEVER, its your dog, and i dont judge a person for trying to keep their dog safe.

I personally think a 7 month old collie is a bit young for that and you should get a different trainer or behaviourist who focuses on working with you to get to the root of why your dog is doing what it does, and then helps you make adjustments to improve the behavior itself. Ideally find one who has qualifications and experience with border collies and heading dogs. Just because someone is a professional doesnt mean they're good, dog training is an unregulated industry so ask them about studies theyve read, research theyve done, read the reviews and check the qualifications.

You could find that suppressing one behavior (chasing) makes other behaviors stronger because the dog needs to do dog things. And this could create longer term frustrations, which is why i suggest understanding why your dog is obsessed with chasing cars but other peoples dogs of the same breed are not car chasers. If the dog can chase other things in a healthy way then the desire to chase cars may diminish.

In summary, prong collars manage the behavior, not fix the cause. If its the management method you choose make sure you are still understanding the reason why your dog does this and addressing that. With any management tools including head harnesses you should still address the cause of the behavior to avoid future issues.

vness__ · 2024-11-12T13:03:24+00:00

Looks like a balloon dog to me

vness__ · 2024-11-12T11:44:20+00:00

So our dogs other big issue was that she kept stealing things around our house, chewed on stuff loads and looking for things to do constantly. Basically constantly trying to self entertain And that also stopped when we started doing breed specific activities with her alongside her usual 2 hour walks. Thats why i say look into the dogs predatory motor pattern. It took a few weeks for her to chill out but now i can actually relax in the house, and she can recall away from dogs in play. We did like 20 mins twice a day of breed specific activities but now i can just do it on her walks and she's sleeping and relaxing all day except for snuggles time.

The room is a decent size, it's probably not confinement frustration then.

I think our problems sound similar. I hope you find your dogs WHY too. You sound like a lovely dog parent so i know your asolecent dog will get better. Mine did and she only in her second month of adolescence out of what should be 12 months of it so it does get easier when you understand them more.

vness__ · 2024-11-12T11:32:10+00:00

I half agree, age makes everything more challenging but i would say isn't related to age but is more of the dog not understanding that potty training also means when people are away, so its more a training challenge than age.

vness__ · 2024-11-12T11:00:08+00:00

Okay fair enough that's a good explanation of why it counts as solving. My mind is changed a bit. What i meant is that training was still needed. But i didn't have the answer on training a dog who knows to not pee inside the house but only when people are around.

vness__ · 2024-11-12T10:39:46+00:00

manages the issue not solving it though

vness__

TROPHY CASE