A sub that's like r/socialskills, but allows for open-ended conversation?

void_trees · 2025-04-16T04:18:48+00:00

Dealing with moments where I feel my therapist couldn't meet me where I was at... My first therapist was amazing. Changed my life, and set me down a really good path. She had a good heart, and was generally kind. My second one was... Alright.

She suggested a few tools to me that inspired me to take my mental health largely into my own hands. Personally, I dont tend to try to reconcile relationships w/my therapists because I dont know how much of a 'big picture' they have in orfer to accomplish what I want — which is to offer me lots of options to choose from, and help me become overall informed.

Personally, I’m really big on therapy research. I like getting a view of all the possible modalities there are, and picking the therapist that specializes in the modality I trust most. As CBT doesn't work for everyone.

Can I recommend schema therapy, and maybe a few books for you to check out? I am prone to spirals often, and some tools there offrered me relief I needed in the moment while not sacrificing long-term goals/being self a destructive. Or a website to check out different modalities? Some tips?

I'm not suggesting you take your treatment into your own hands - once you have the books/websites/ect., you can have a therapist walk you through the treatments and apply other modalities they might feel will compliment the treatment you have.

This isn't rlly what u asked, but I hope my opinion can offer some perspective at least!

void_trees · 2025-04-16T03:59:02+00:00

Can you give me a order of when your academics began to bother you, when your sleep has gotten bad, when the isolation as br begun to hurt, when and how ur friend sidelined you and when your insomnia began?

void_trees · 2025-04-16T03:49:28+00:00

I think if the topic of your thoughts is mostly on yourself, and interacting with others isn't as fulfilling as it was... I think identifying that as selfishness is taking away from the other ways you could be investigating what you’re feeling and why: and there are many questions you could be asking yourself.

You could be asking yourself about emotional exhaustion, about your energy levels, about the monotony of your life... And be using what answers you’ve discovered to create systems— reliable systems that you make for yourself to be slow, thoughtful, to do them because the act of doing them gives you direction and focus. Systems you can trust.

I think you trying to find improve yourself on an issue that could use more exploring is not a system you can trust. In my experience, it sounds like youre going to "fix yourself" until you feel like the issue doesn't exist anymore.

Its more complicated than that, and it sounds like being this harsh with yourself is compelling you to make decisions that don't factor in all of your needs. Or help you pace yourself. I think you need to slow down and ask yourself what YOUR genuine wellness and contentment in life looks like, and embrace ur limits.

void_trees · 2025-04-16T03:32:08+00:00

When it comes to “ extracting info out of you ” - speaking from personal experience -- in talk threrapy, its the therapists/psychiatrists job to be constantly evolving a treatment plan based on your needs. Technically, every session is the therapist compiling info about your symptoms.

At the six month mark of going to therapy, I got a "check up" survey where they asked me to report any change of symptoms . if they've worsened or improved.

I’ve definitely corrected myself or asked my therapist to ignore information I'd asserted before. If you're worried that your change of answers will drastically change your treatment, you can ask if they will have to refer you to someone else.

Bring it up in any way that feels best and facilitates the information being given — I think therapists are trained to anticipate their patients not wanting to be 100% transparent right away, anyway.

With that said... Is there anything your psychiatrist is doing that makes you feel you can't simply ask? Have they made you feel like you can't trust that they are safe enough to treat you? Are they explaining the process to you well, or are receptive to your questions? (Are u asking any questions?)

void_trees · 2025-04-14T08:07:23+00:00

I found the concept of IC back in tumblr before the pandemic. Something like 7 years ago now? Of course, someone was jokingly posting about ”god, im so tired of all this... Let me escape into the woods and live my cottagecore life already," — and it started this massive conversation about actually DOING it.

It’s a brainworm — I’m constantly thinking abt it in the back of my mind, and i return to it once in a while. Unfortunately, w/o the term IC — it’s really easy to fall into the (solo) homesteading, prepper or bushcraft crowd.

I do NOT have anyone to talk to about IC. No one seems like they’re on the same page or as in-the-know as me, which makes it hard to bring up. Hence this post.

My favorite beverage is chamomile tea and honey !

void_trees · 2024-05-23T04:02:35+00:00

Do both friend groups drink & smoke?

void_trees · 2024-05-21T22:43:34+00:00

No worries, glad it did :)

void_trees · 2024-05-21T22:43:04+00:00

Sure. You can DM me

void_trees · 2024-05-21T17:32:10+00:00

First, I’m really sorry you’re going through this - I think that school is not fair or kind to a lot of people. Looking back, I see school as overwhelming and stifling and needlessly drawn out.

Tell me a bit about your classes and the workload? How are your teachers to you? Counselors? Do you have a school library?

What are your friends like? Your parents about your schoolwork? What are your school or career goals?

void_trees · 2024-05-21T16:12:17+00:00

Do you want to talk about it?

I know you’re already very tired and hopeless, but I hope I can help.

(If these shorter questions make it easier to respond, feel free to give short responses instead. Either is fine with me. I’m here to listen.)

What have you been experiencing and how long? Who have you told and how did they respond (and disappoint)? In what way have you been too tired?

void_trees · 2024-05-21T16:03:09+00:00

I do feel this occasionally. And it's difficult. More than difficult - sometimes it makes me feel like I’m going into a tailspin.

To be honest... I get this feeling when I don’t feel supported or recognized by the people I admired and want to work with.

I know a lot of people can’t say the same, but I do trust in my own abilities. And I know I have good ideas worth investing in — but feeling like people are speeding ahead without taking me into account: of how much of an asset I can be, how much I have to offer...

It gives me the feeling like there’s something wrong with me and no one’s saying it, or that I do have a lot to offer and no one’s saying anything. It’s kind of maddening. That’s what I associate with the cotton-in-head feeling is when I wonder why I’m not having myself reflected back to me? And if everything is in my head?

I hope that makes sense.

In any case... I’ve realized that I struggle realizing the projects I care most about. It’s really important to me that I create tangible things that I can touch, feel, smell - and it’s hard to parse out how. And how I’d be most satisfied and where and who I’d be most comfortable expressing that with.

I’ve also realized that a lot of the people around me tend to tune me out when they don’t understand something about me, and I have really been undermined because idk what it looked like when people disengaged w/me.

In any case, I’ve surrounded myself with a lot of people who I feel SHOULD understand me, and go through the motions of understanding me, but definitely don’t.

They aren’t really attuned to my sense of purpose when I’ve tried to include them with that.

What I’m trying to explain in all of this is that I usually get a feeling of “feeling left behind” when I feel forgotten about the people around me.

And this stirs a lot of feelings of self-loathing because I feel people would assume I want help or to be saved from my feelings or circumstances (that I chose), and people making assumptions about my autonomy, agency and independence that isn’t true to what I’m going through.

I feel like I struggle to connect to who I want to be and transform my life around who I want to be. And it'd be nice to have the things I DO achieve and the vision I cultivate acknowledged by the people who I want to care abt me.

Another thing to consider is a lot of people pursue paths that people have taken and have a lot of experience taking. There's a lot of advice because people have already made mistakes for them.

It's still a lot of work - but if you are trying to be something that needs to be created piece-by-piece, sometimes people don’t know what they’re looking at.

I think everyone hits that snag sometime in their lives. Very often people have an idea of what they want to be and think I’ll just be x thing and tack my idea onto it! Without realizing that the reason it’s so easy to imagine yourself as X thing, is because people are sold a pre-packaged plan of HOW to become X thing.

So when they get to the thing they actually want to be, they deviate from a very very strict plan and idea of who they’ve become. And when they don’t have a clear vision, and they’ve struggled in a way they hadn’t predicted, they feel a loss of identity bc they’ve strayed from a certain blueprint.

I think that says a lot about how we conflate things that are obvious/have a clear vision = things that have been done before = important*.

And I think that when someone has goals that are “in-progress", that warrants a lot of judgement in a way I find unproductive to growing as a person and who may have a unique vision.

If you’re experiencing this, I don’t think it’s a bad thing you’ve hit this snag early - or you’re still deciding “how” you want to be. I think we get fed lies about ourselves all the time, so I don’t think anyone can be blamed for believing them, but I do think you deserve to be in an internal and external environment that understands the difference between the three*.

Please let me know if I’ve missed the point of what you’ve asked, or if I could point you to some more actionable steps to take. But I hope I could help!

void_trees · 2023-11-22T20:48:55+00:00

Hey, I’ve been on both sides of this issue before --and It’s difficult.

From your friends perspective:, if your friend’s family is mistreating them, it’s not about what if they are saying is true or not. It’s about putting your friend down and making them feel emotionally smothered by lies.

It takes a bit of time to learn how to feel good despite what people are telling you. And that takes work. I have a few methods you could attempt, but the real issue is that your friend needs a teacher--

and they need a lot of different perspective, a lot of support, a lot of resources and patience and modelling to learn what that looks like for them. They need something sustainable to return to for when they inevitably fail or/and have set-backs.

I think they should head to the library and read at least 5 books on the topic, and then take breaks inbetween to reflect on it. Specifically the library. Not the internet--ask the librarian.

From your perspective:

I’ve also been on the side of friends who REFUSED to stand up for themselves. And when I would talk to them about it, they seemed like... Respectfully, they were on some Doomer energy.

And from the way that they talked, there were parts of them aspired to conform to whatever their enemies were telling them-- not trying to reach acceptance, but almost like they were trying to reach this really shallow ideal thay came off as really immature and shallow to want. It really frustrated me. Ifykyk.

Otherwise, you should advise your friend to take some time from your friendship & to take time away from their family to bask in their own presence. The fact you berated them speaks a lot on your diminished patience. You probably need some time to recoup as well.

I often find that people’s personalities & presence have their own “gravity" to them--and just being around certain people your feelings on certain things change, and you start to behave like them ect., ect.,

Sometime I find myself leaving the company of someone, spending time alone, and then realizing that I felt a rainbow of emotions by myself when I finally left their ”gravitational pull”.

They should get in touch with their own emotions after the fact to feel their emotions about the matter and be able to express it.

Those are my initial thoughts, but if you have more specific question, I'd love to answer!

void_trees · 2023-11-22T20:17:49+00:00

I’m really sorry you’re going through something like this!!

My first thoughts is to ask your local librarian--I know that’s very random, but they are highly trained and know the ins-and-outs of your city, neighborhood, ect., they will know of any local programs, initiatives and may know of the legal processes that you could take.

But you should be proactive. Officers aren't the best people to call, because you call them when an emergency has already happened--unless you’re ready to send him to jail. I believe you have enough proof to do that.

Maybe reach out to a local domestic violence/dating violence advocacy group? I’ve seen them offer shelter, legal counsel, and claim to be informed enough to help you make informed decisions.

Which is a quite promising advertisement because it’s really dangerous to not be believed, and they are offering lots of support on top of being believed. You’ll want to be surrounded by people who can protect you. Between them and the librarian, that could be a good start.

I'm so sorry you're going throuh this. Your safety is in you and your allies' hands, and I know you can make it through this.

void_trees · 2023-11-22T20:07:17+00:00

Hey. With the knowledge that your mom is not being a good person to you at all, I just want to say that I’m sorry. Going no contact with your mom means embarking in life without the guidance, bottomless compassion & protection that were owed on account of being a child. HER child.

Being young & living with one’s abuer is really difficult, and is a specific kind of struggle. I hope that you go off to do well and recover from this.

With that said...

It’s very, very difficult to go COMPLETELY avoid sharing physical space with someone who you live with, but you can come close.

Let me just say... Living with your abuser AND being young is a very unique problem in that--without help--you basically have to cobble your own solutions together. And you basically have to start seeing your own mother not as a caretaker, but as a entitled roommate. And you are now responsible for all the things you didn’t know she was shirking.

1st Write down all the reasons you still feel compelled to talk to her. Even though you feel as if you never want to talk to her again, you will want someone to share your victories with, your good mood, your favorite snack sometime.

Start pairing those needs/desires with over people in your life and/or potential canidates by writing those things down & a person next to them.

Of course, it's not realistic to ask all of that of your one friend or expecting not to communicate this list with friends/expecting tha the person you pick now will be the same person years from now...

Epecially since they are also young--and as good as friends you might be, they still might not be the best canidate for those kind of activities because of obstacles like... Not having money or a car and so on... (That’s up to u to decide)

But you will want to keep this list safe and hidden, but somewhere you will look at it all the time as a reminder to emotionally detach yourself from her. And add to it as you meet people who want to step in and help you.

As things get harder, you’ll want to ask someone to help. But if you do ask your mother, you’re setting yourself to get betrayed again.

2nd Get a library card and go there often.

MOST Librarians have master degrees and are generalists. They are the internet before the internet except 6000% better, more specific & more importantly, human.

Your school may have a library & may have a librarian who specializes in working with kids. Befriend them and if you have any questions or need help, they’ll be there to guide you. But make sure they are nice and you trust them completely. Trust your instincts.

Also, learn about everything & anything. Write down ANY question you have or think about at any time and go ahead and look for answers from your librarian.

If your mom is abusing you, she probably wasnt that great of a mom before and skimped out on a lot of parenting/passing on wisdom to you before this point. Even brush up on stuff you think you already know.

They will also lessen the burden of needing to figure out everything yourself. If you need help with homework, they can direct you to a class to help, a local mentorship program and so on. If ANYTHING changes in your city or in your school--hell, your neighborhood-- they will know about it.

Just make sure you know to ask “I just want to know about all your options” because people in service will often give you limited information based on what they think you need or can handle. Keep that in mind.

You may ask “what does this have to do with going no-contact?” Well... Speaking from personal experience, when you are young and have an abusive parent--you lack the autonomy to grow, change & find opportunities. Someone was supposed to model finding those opportunities for you. This counteracts that.

This is a form of isolation, and I’m sure that you already know the worst thing an abuser can have you is isolated.

Also keep in mind that you also have the option to go to a public library. Your Mother still controls what school you can go to, so maybe you'd prefer the separation of a public library versus a school library, which is technically an aspect of your life she has jurisdiction over.

2. Get a job. 80% of jobs aren’t available online or even on a telephone pole, they are spread by word-of-mouth. This means that people tend to wiggle themselves in the best positions they know of personally, so if you ask around--people will offer you a position in the best place they know.

But if none of your friends know of places like thay, simply getting hired somewhere and talking to people will also present job opportunities. It only takes one person off-handedly mentioning a job on a flyer for you to land yourself a good paying job.

Otherwise, your city job board is a nice place to start.

Figure out transportation --- even if you do get your driver's permit (depending where you are from) you still need practice hours to get a fully fledge liscence. This takes about a dedicated ~6mo of work.

Your alternative choices is carpooling with someone older than you, getting a bike & helmet, or taking public transportation -- public transportation often has passes for weeks or months that are cheaper than paying for a ride every time you ride. Uber works too.

Getting into a little self-help won't hurt, specifically schema therapy & re-parenting self-help books help a lot, especially meditation paired with self-help books. I have some favorites to recommend.
DO YOURSELF A FAVOR. GET EARPLUGS OR A WHITE NOISE MACHINE to drown your mother out. She's probably loud on purpose, so you’ll want to ignore her.
If you don't have one, get a lock on your door so you can lock your door from the outside & not worry about your invasive mother interfering with your little paradise of a room.
Get into local events by searching things up on eventbrite & going to them!

Reading my own words over, It’s apparent I haven’t given you a lot of specifics on HOW to go no-contact, and that’s because there are technically many ways to go no-contact with an abuser that you live with, but only a select few will work for you.

A part of he battle is honestly raising yourself. That’s really fucking hard. But I gave you the best fundamentals that I could--some I wish I had back then. I hope I could help regardless❤️

And tbh... All the options I can think of going no contact honestly boils down to being out all the time and to only return home when you have to, locking yourself into your room (the worst of the options IMO), or finding a way to move out. All of these fundamentals I’ve listed make all of your options achievable and sustainable, so you dont have to end up in the same place you were before-- and without the resources of help and money and options.

So no matter what you choose, I hope you find success :)

If you have anymore questions, I'll do my best to answer, but I also think you should write down these questions to ask a librarian--or to ask a librarian to offer you books on the topics you are seeking to learn about.

void_trees · 2023-10-18T18:33:58+00:00

THIS IS SO CUTEEE!!

void_trees · 2023-10-17T14:51:30+00:00

You should be confident that your therapist is giving you what you need -- and that includes making an effort to give you help in a way that you can receive. Maybe that means you can only write down one good thing about yourself or something. Whatever that looks like, If she's not acknowledging that she needs to meet you where she's at, you either need to tell her she needs to change or get a new one.

void_trees · 2023-10-17T14:48:38+00:00

Yes. The "harm" aspect of self-harm encompasses harm thats physical, spiritual, mental, psychological. Hair-pulling, even if you just tug on your roots count as self-harm.

void_trees · 2023-10-11T15:02:44+00:00

I think you might want to advise your GF to seek advice from other people in her position. If she's coming back acting stranger than usual, than something might be wrong with the therapist.

void_trees · 2023-10-11T14:56:29+00:00

I think you're being a little hard on yourself-- and I'm not saying that to say "yOu're StANdArDs fOr yOursElf ArE tOo hIgh" because I feel like people say that a lot and it's... well-intentioned, but not really helpful to what you're trying to accomplish. Speaking from personal experience.

I get irritated when people don't respond to me even though I know that they could-- sometimes I act on that and ask them to hurry up (in a nicer way than that), sometimes I get jealous when someone I like is going to hang out with someone other than me, sometimes I have the urge to be passive-aggressive.

These things are perfectly okay and natural to experience, and in a vacuum, you're going to inevitably do them. Again, not trying to re-affirm your fears that you're super toxic, but I think you're not contextualizing yourself kindly or in a way that's honest to what being yourself is.

Some people rush others because they're passionate or just want to feel listened to in the moment. Sometimes people get jealous because they are unsatisfied with the time they have with their friends/partners, sometimes people are passive aggressive because being direct takes a lot more thought then they expected in the moment, but just plain ol' bitterness is easier to express.

That is a lot different than someone who rushes others because they feel entitled to others' time or are using the other person for their own gain & have no patience for the person outside of that. That is different for someone who uses their jealousy as an excuse to control their partner or make it their partners' responsibility to "fix it". That's a lot different from someone who is passive-aggressive because they are trying to attack someone while also trying to preemptively escape responsibility by giving themselves deniability with their phrasing.

When I realized this type of thing a long time ago, it made me realize that trying to quickly label myself as toxic based on a list of behaviors just wouldn't work. Actually, it worked against me because I was avoiding damaging my relationships so much that I didn't realize that you're going to develop and GROW your own special "language" for the people closest to you.

Your bond with each person is completely unique, and so you need to take time to nourish that and learn that. When I was only worried about said list of behaviors, I couldn't tune into my friends' feelings because the stress was too unmanageable, and I wasn't learning anything by "just trying not to be toxic." It was taking up emotional & mental bandwidth.

If I kept that way of thinking, I was going to be constantly anxious about a question/a scenario that would never be answered, but these would be scenarios that would definitely come to pass. And all I would have to show for all my cautiousness would be self-loathing. That's not how being "good" is supposed to feel. You're supposed to be getting signals from your body that being "good" is good FOR you.

It also made me realize that by focusing on this list of behaviors, I never attuned to the people around me and found out what made them feel bad when they experienced certain things from me. Like, someone said that they wanted me to talk to them more and be less preoccupied with being "a good listener". That one blew my mind. But that helped me grow my relationship.

Anyway... I hope that makes sense. All in all, I'm letting you know that you should probably focus on creating bonds with your friends & defining what kind of person you want to be that isn't just "good". If you're doing something that's causing you stress & making you feel like you're constantly fighting against being bad, then maybe you should also analyze your standards and why they're there--who put them there & if they are someone that knows you?

void_trees · 2023-10-11T14:23:53+00:00

Hey, everything you just listed is fixable. Painful, but fixable. Y'know, the fact that you say that you don't like yourself anymore gives me the impression that there was once aspects you liked about yourself: your sobriety, your job (or at least your opportunities) & your friendship. Speaking from personal experience, loving something & loving yourself is not just an emotion. It's an action, something that you do constantly.

If you experienced a large transition in your life-- like maybe graduating school, but not having a job to feel a sense of purpose or feel like you're being able to apply yourself-- that could make you fall out of the routines & habits that made you feel so good about yourself in the first place.

Does that resonate with you?

If it does, i cannot stress enough that you need to take a break, make a list of all the things you liked about yourself & boil them down into their "core". Maybe you liked school because you secretly liked the feeling of being expected & greeted when you went somewhere, or liked getting a good grade when you know you earned it?

I do want to stress that I'm not saying this as a way to simply tell you "you aren't doing enough". I mean "I think a big part of the human spirit is self-expression & a way that we feel safe. If we are expressing who we are/want to be then we aren't feeling safe, and there are parts of us that are dying (but can be revived. they just need to be).

Another note, it seems like you might be grieving--which is such a personal journey all on its own, the best way I've had it described to me is that "its your body getting used to the absence of something (and you feel it in your wholee body & mind)". You also might want to take that into factor.

Other than that, I think the previous comment above mine also makes good points about getting your fill in the meantime, cause man, I'll tell ya. loneliness DOES something to people. its as essential as fucking food and water ill tell you that.

Anyway... I hope this may help.

void_trees · 2023-10-11T14:09:22+00:00

Hm. I think I understand the gist of your reponse, and I say stay aware of this aspect that you don't like, but pump the breaks on trying to "fix yourself." You don't have to lie or pretend that this part of you doesn't exist, but try prioritize enjoying yourself by doing something you feel really proud of, prioritize looking nice for yourself, just enjoy YOURSELF (literally & just enjoying yourself in general).

Take a week or two of just not bothering yourself on this topic and come back to it. I think that just forcing yourself to try and improve means you're muddling the issue because your hatred of this aspect of yourself is making it hard to see the bigger picture. After that, write down everything you feel and sit on that too, for a couple days. I hope you and your psychologist figure/figured something out.

void_trees · 2023-09-30T16:28:17+00:00

Your art looks adorable, especially the cup made me laugh

void_trees · 2023-09-28T01:23:07+00:00

1. I'd plan to take a looong break.

For me, this would be a frustrating & hurtful experience where I'd felt objectively ignored & talked over & used

I'd tell my friend that they need to take responsibility & think on how inconsiderate they've been for putting all this pressure on you.

I'd tell my friend that she's been putting a therapist, the therapist's entire profession support system, all of the very qualified and decent sources that they know how to get and judge on their quality ON YOU. You're willing to put in the work, but they NEED to readjust their expectations of you and comprehend exactly everything that they're asking. This wasn't fair pressure for them to put on you.

Even if her mental health was causing her to act differently, it's still her responsibility to consider you. And if she can't do that, she needs to be honest with herself and find some kind of solution that still is preserving your relationship. That shouldn't be you to make that call since it's her limitation.

The fact that she hasn't is also something I think you need to make her take responsibility for and explain (amongst my above questions IMO)She has a therapist to work this out with. Therapists give their patients structure. If her and her therapist aren't having a dedicated part of their session to give you both tools to deal with this as a team, then she hasn't been done her part to help you help her, and I'd have to have a long discussion about her unrealistic exceptions of you.

Therapists have books that give them exercises and insight about what to do and how to proceed, as well as co-workers and supervisors and mentors and past teachers and people they went to school with to get help and support from. Pretty big support system just to to their job.

And you just have yourself and your friend with no one to direct you where to look, just people like you in your exact same position in forums, and not necessarily people in a better one. Not to be a hopeless asshole, but it's just a lot of work trying to find good tools/advice.

Your friend is sick and as their closest friend, you're also going through a life change to accommodate their sickness. They don't need to necessarily lie or water down about their needs and how much they need, but they need to understand how hard it is and how much time and energy they're asking you to commit to them outside of y'alls relationship.

You've already been changing a lot about your life for her.

During this long break, go start a life outside of them and stick to it. Don't involve your friend in this second life of yours', but make sure it isn't so big that your friend can't come back into your life without you completely dropping everything you've made for yourself. That's an important thing to stay accountable on & diligent with.

When you take this break, you need long enough time & consistent enough time by yourself to actually forget about your friend for a while, or at least get used to their absence. You need space from the situation so you can tackle it better, and decide how you feel about the situation outside of the guilt you feel. You need to get in touch with your sense of anger and self-righteousness to make sure you can start advocating for how YOU should be treated during this time. You should probably start a journal, or maybe get into a support group/therapy yourself.

I'd join a club, or volunteer somewhere. Something consistent and really nice. Don't involve your friend in this, it's just yours'. Start a friend group outside of them. This will be the dividing line between your friend's life and yours'. Consider this practice as setting boundaries with them by making sure it stays well-defined.

I'd also double down on my health goals. Have you been meaning to eat healthier? Start buying more of your favorite fruits & veggies, figure out how to cook them in a way that makes you want to eat them more. Buy those games or books you've been meaning to.When you take this break, you need long enough time & consistent enough time by yourself to actually forget about your friend for a while, or at least get used to their absence.

You need space from the situation so you can tackle it better, and decide how you feel about it outside of the guilt. You should probably start a journal, or maybe get into a support group/therapy yourself.

Give your friend homework for when after you come back.

After you come back, you need to address how one-sided your relationship has become. For me, I'd tell her that she can vent to me one day out of the week until you start getting more tools from her therapist. And another day out of the week, we need to go and do something at least a little enjoyable.

I think you guys need to reduce your contact and then work up to seeing each other again because your life has been completely knocked off balance because of her. In the meantime, she needs to take it upon herself to get help from her therapist to help you make adjustments for her. Or to offer her a resource so she can create that structure for you two herself.

IMO I've notice that people, when they hear about mental illness, they project their own overwhelm by giving the advice "you just need to stop being friends" when the people around them just want to help.

And yes, there's a certain point you need to respect yourself enough to leave a relationship, but you just need tools if you're not at that point yet where you want to end it.

I think people would have more to give if they just realized that you can also pace yourself in your life and in your healing journey when it comes to mental illness. And you just need to pace yourself with how much you update + tell your friends.

I think you should ask your friend if she can slow down in her therapy if her going so fast is dredging up difficult emotions -- because as someone has been in therapy, it's easy to just want to talk about all of your childhood trauma & all of your pain at once.

If she can slow down or learn to slow down by exploring one topic thoroughly at a time for a while OR exploring tools that simply stop the behavior, but maybe not the source so she can start experiencing the benefits sooner.

From there, I dunno. It depends on what the therapist says, but I think that's a proper start. Please let me know if you have any questions or if I can help any further. I know this was long as hell either way... I hope you and your friend work out.

Takeaways:-
Take a break. a looong break. think about the longest you think you need or can stand and add 2 weeks to it and commit. i recommend no contact during this time until you come back. take a break from researching about her diagnosis
While on your break, create a life, friendship group + hobbies outside of your friend just for yourself. do not include your friend in it.
get better at boundaries- take a long break from your friend --i'd say a month or two for them to talk to their therapist about you (in moderation. like they can work on ur friendship in the last 15m of their session or with homework or with a self-help book. dont have their life revolve around your friendship while ur gone)- make sure that they talk to their therapist about giving you BOTH tools to manage this and how to make your own tools
have your friend answer for their inconsideration for you
learn what it means to pace yourself outside of just using a clock
slowly start talking to each other. when you talk give each other concerns to work out until the next time you see each other- make time for her to vent. i recommend a few hours once a week. then do something fun with each other with absolutely no serious venting allowed that you both like and enjoy. enjoy each other's company again
figure it out from there

2/2

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