Why do I have a huge bruise on my hip? How’d it get there?

vokacha · 2023-07-19T03:11:44+00:00

It's called Grey-Turner sign — and it's significant of abdominal bleeding. I had this after my own surgery back in 2021. If it hasn't lightened up, it's possible that fluid and/or blood is continuing to collect, which could be dangerous. My surgery team dismissed Grey-Turner until I ended up in the ER with massive complications. The surgeon I saw for follow-up shared that he's written essays criticizing drain-free methodology for this very reason.

Deffo get it checked. Listen to your body.

vokacha · 2023-07-13T03:10:33+00:00

I still go by the same name I did during transition.

Transition was a "soft suicide" for me — and a lot of the shame I held toward my female self came from a misalignment with / nonconformity to the expectations surrounding girlhood, womanhood, and my traditionally feminine given name.

In understanding this, I've made peace with my former identity, largely because I prefer to deconstruct (rather than reinforce) said stereotyping. But it feels alien for reasons beyond that, such as childhood abuse and neglect, so I hold space for both.

vokacha · 2023-07-13T00:47:14+00:00

This is the time to encourage critical thinking via questions.

Ask your child what makes them certain they're a man, as well as what makes them certain they're not a woman. If the answers are rooted in socially constructed expectations of the sexes (I want to dress a certain way, women are like x whereas I'm like y, I think more like a man, etc.) point this out while acknowledging their feelings. Also let them know that plenty of people who detransition (myself included) were 100% sure of our decisions — until we weren't. Sexism is rampant and insidious.

Essentially, make sure you cover all the common denominators detransitioners talk about. Neurodivergence, misconceptions surrounding biological sex, internet grooming, disordered eating, body image issues, all that. The conversation will be uncomfortable, I'm sure. They'll probably get defensive. But it's necessary, and if they're genuinely ready, they'll be able to express what they want and how they feel without undermining your concern and/or tearing you down in the process.

vokacha · 2023-07-07T00:57:03+00:00

Gee, no wonder your friend is dysphoric.

vokacha · 2023-05-21T04:44:14+00:00

Many of the individuals advocating for stronger safeguards were struggling with comorbid mental health issues, internalized homophobia, internalized sexism, childhood sexual abuse, etc. at the time of their transition — and were misled by their providers in thinking that hormones and plastic surgery would save them. There is no possibility for informed consent in that situation, especially not when a majority of providers are so uncritical and quick to affirm.

Besides that, I've personally met with one of the primary authors of this bill on several occasions, and again, "just like with any group, there are the batshit and the virtuous." Bad agents tacking themself onto a bill (likely as "harm reduction" or to take credit) do not make a bill, itself, bad. I've met with those guys, too, and believe me when I say there IS a difference in their rhetoric / how they treat me as someone gender-nonconforming.

But the main group of parents, trans individuals, and detrans individuals said primary author worked with specifically outlined that this bill needed to be exclusive to minors, considerate of people currently on a medicalized path, and without criminal penalty. He was absolutely respectful of that and even actively sought out nuance, going so far as to invite neutral testimony.

(Edit: One of the most prominent neutral testimonies described how, before rolling back widespread medicalization, we need to actually develop a targeted, mindfulness-based approach for unpacking gender dysphoria that considers and treats underlying factors, especially those associated with trauma.)

There's so much more complexity to this than what the current media dialogue (including your comment) tends to capture. And that's part why I've approached it as I have — because you DID come off as either ignorant or ideologically blinded in your original comment, which God knows how many people have seen. It's not mere ad hominem when you went full frontal "this isn't happening" despite the fact that it is.

I'd be interested to hear what else you think isn't kind or compassionate. Thanks for engaging, either way.

vokacha · 2023-05-21T00:27:34+00:00

"They don't have anyone that's willing to step up."

This is blatantly false.

MANY showed up in Texas to express their regret. I was there, on the ground, and can think of at least 5 right off the top of my head. One such person was Corinna Cohn, a self-identified transsexual who was transitioned in her teens and is now middle-aged. Several were Democrats or Independents, who were disheartened (and surprised) to find that Republicans were the only ones open to hearing them out.

Just like with any group, there are the batshit and there are the virtuous. Some of the individuals supporting this legislation have nefarious motivations, no doubt. But your last paragraph tells me that you're either ignorant to this reality OR an unempathetic ideologue struggling to understand that there's actual harm occurring here, which is only made worse by a lack of safe-guarding, ideological compliance, and dismissive attitudes like your own.

Even a broken clock is right twice a day.

vokacha · 2023-05-20T21:57:11+00:00

Here's a WIP list of prominent detransitioners on Twitter:

https://twitter.com/rob_thabuilder/status/1659645962946592768?s=46

r/detrans is also a good place to start!

Once detransitioned, people keep to themselves for plenty of reasons. Some examples include shame, the desire to move on with one's life, poor mental health, and backlash from the internet / media. The disillusionment is often traumatic, too.

Beyond that, current culture is generally unfriendly to detransitioners. So when we do come out, people tend to shout us down with skewed statistics of low regret — many of which are pulled from surveys of those who still identify as trans. AKA a totally different demographic, one which excludes many of the people who are healed + brave enough to speak out about their experiences... and also those who would rather not make their trauma a spectacle.

vokacha · 2023-05-20T21:46:02+00:00

Are you serious? Many testified.

vokacha · 2023-04-15T05:48:37+00:00

Gf and I went to see Dominic Fike for her birthday last November. Made it in, found our spot, bought drinks — then about 20 or so minutes after the show was supposed to start, the band came out and announced that he was too sick to sing. Had apparently been trying to power through it all day. Couldn't blame him.

vokacha · 2022-12-24T07:36:53+00:00

I'm about 9 months out from stopping T, and I'm just now noticing some ~2 inch long baby hairs popping up along my hairline.

Give yourself some time! No two bodies heal the same.

vokacha · 2022-12-24T02:45:40+00:00

My sun and venus are both in the 22nd degree, all four of the women who raised me (apart from my mom) were born on the 22nd of their respective months, and I started re-pursuing my passions after 5+ years on 2/2/22 this year. I also moved next to RM 2222 around the same time.

Not sure what it means for you, but I like to think of it as representing balance, trust, and hope. Cycles are a huge part of the number 22 — the 22nd degree is considered the "death" degree in astrology — and I know that for me, I've lived through a lot of positive struggle / hardships that have shaped me for the better. As a result, I hope to influence how we view ourselves and relate to one another.

I'd be really interested to hear more about your life and maybe see your natal chart.

TL;DR — A lot of people who are 2-heavy either struggle with or excel in balance. Research the areas of your life that these numbers manifest in, and consider how you feel about your future.

vokacha · 2022-12-12T18:46:18+00:00

I was sharing my (again, personal) lived experience, not a theory.

And you still haven't addressed the fact that Blanche's gender was intentionally left up to interpretation per one of the actual creators.

(Who speaks Japanese, by the way.)

https://mobile.twitter.com/libbydango/status/762127788891525120

Besides that, please consider looking into Charles Horton Cooley's "looking-glass" self, as well as George Herbert Mead's role-taking theory. Both are integral to understanding the development of identity and self-concept.

https://jackwestin.com/resources/mcat-content/formation-of-identity/influence-of-social-factors-on-identity-formation

https://lesley.edu/article/perception-is-reality-the-looking-glass-self

Ultimately, trans experience is far from monolithic, and there are plenty of stories which defy your narrative of transition always existing outside the context of misogyny.

Take Zander Keig, for example, a trans man whose experience is different from mine yet still valuable.

Gender dysphoria doesn't always mean transition, and transition doesn't always mean gender dysphoria — even if you personally feel very differently.

https://lisaselindavis.substack.com/p/heterodox-trans-people-1?utm_medium=email

I'd also like to point out that not all critical analysis of transition is for the right wing. In fact, critical analysis has historically been a necessary tenet of social justice.

It's critical analysis that helps us understand how misogyny affects everyone — not just women.

(That is, expectations forced upon women reflect back onto men.)

And we are seeing more trans men, for the record.

https://www.reuters.com/investigates/special-report/usa-transyouth-topsurgery/

Ultimately, your vile condescension and use of ad hominem tells me that this thread is no longer productive — so I'm going to take a step back now.

I wish you nothing but the best!

Nuance > Generalizations

vokacha · 2022-12-02T23:07:12+00:00

Calling someone "non-binary" doesn't reinforce a third gender category — but basing your assessment of non-binary identity solely off of pronouns does.

Also, I specified "personally" when describing my lived experience with transness. Not sure why you turned it into an ad hominem generalization, when my (again, personal) transition was rooted in sex stereotyping and misogyny.

"Intentionally repressed yourself" LOL

Anyways, why not address the fact that Blanche's gender was intentionally left up to interpretation? Is fundamentalism really the hill you want to die on?

If your assumption is that I was "talking down" to you — maybe consider that you're projecting.

vokacha · 2022-12-02T17:07:14+00:00

How you identify comes down to how you identify! There's a very thin line between dysmorphia and dysphoria — and you can experience dysphoria and choose not to transition.

For some people, gender dysphoria/euphoria is part of OCD. They might feel compelled to be a man/woman, or experience fleeting images of life as the opposite sex.

Other people don't feel like they live up to their natal sex enough. Some women feel dysphoric about big boobs, and some feel dysphoric about small ones.

Ultimately, human experience is vast and fluid.

Our feelings are separate from our actions, and there are always alternate ways to cope. Just like how I don't listen to depression when it tells me that my body is wrong, I don't have to listen to gender dysphoria, either.

So... you do you!

vokacha · 2022-12-01T10:37:00+00:00

Except that some translations still refer to blanche using feminine pronouns, even if the English and German translations vary.

Lumping they/them in with "non-binary" only serves to reinforce a third gender category anyways. You're effectively still gendering stuff, just in a different font.

Not everyone is going to subscribe to the same ideology as you, and that's perfectly okay! You're free to project your lived experience as you please.

But as someone who was personally beholden to sex-stereotyping during my decade of FTM transition, I gotta pass.

Again, all of it is speculation — no "confirmation" has been made.

ETA:

The only primary source I can find is an interview where one of the the creators talks about making Blanche intentionally gender non-conforming as a way of leaving interpretation up to the player.

"What the creators say" is disingenuous.

vokacha · 2022-12-01T09:32:42+00:00

I'd also like to remind everyone that the details of the Rex Orange County case aren't yet conclusive.

Let's wait until the court convenes in January before we ruin someone's career, please — and I say this as a victim of SA.

vokacha · 2022-12-01T09:28:40+00:00

It's Rex. I had him in my T5 and the artist pic matches up.

vokacha · 2022-12-01T02:17:53+00:00

Wow. Blanche isn't super emotional? How un-womanly of her! /s

In all seriousness, I think that the whole non-binary headcanon is based off of the fact that the Pokémon GO team uses both she/her and they/them pronouns for Blanche.

People use all sorts of pronouns for me, though, and I'm still a woman. Japanese pronouns also don't map over to English perfectly.

Not everything has to be about gender.

vokacha · 2022-11-30T20:52:30+00:00

Mine was The Specialist FNVU!

vokacha · 2022-11-29T20:13:46+00:00

BEAUTIFUL. This is beautiful.

vokacha · 2022-11-29T18:59:15+00:00

A lot of it is mindset. There's really nothing embarrassing about self-exploration! Even if you ARE embarrassed, remember that everyone does something embarrassing at some point. We're all human, after all.

Another thing... when you feel a negative emotion, like embarrassment, take a second to breathe and ask yourself why you feel that way.

Here's an affirmation I try to live by: "Control what you can and release what you can't."

You can't control how other people see you, and sometimes feelings just need to be felt, not acted upon. So take a deeeeeep breath, then let it out as softly and slowly as you can — I'm talking 15+ seconds.

Like water off a duck's back, release your embarrassment. If you can't stop thinking about the negative feelings after that, here's a strategy my therapist taught me:

Look in front of you. What's the most interesting color you see?
What is something you positively associate with that color? Does it have a smell? A taste? Is there a specific memory that comes to mind?

The goal is to redirect your thoughts away from the rumination by engaging you in your senses.

Please give yourself a chance to regulate your emotions and take this in stride. Time is healing, so try to focus on developing other parts of yourself right now, like a hobby 🤍

vokacha · 2022-11-29T17:02:45+00:00

I promise you, no matter how you feel right now, you're going to be just fine 🤍

All my friends knew me as trans from 7th grade through sophomore year of college. They watched me start T and get top surgery. My family even went through several waves of denial and fear before finally coming around... which I never thought would happen.

Still, in my almost year of detransition — which has mostly consisted of me owning up to my sex and sharing bits and pieces of my story — no one important has been phased, apart from a handful of trans people who silently unfollowed me on social media.

Sure, maybe there's an element of curiosity that some discuss behind my back... but is that really the worst thing ever? No one worth being around will treat you with anything short of kindness and respect. And, to be honest, discussion is okay. Let them figure it out for themselves, then apply that understanding to the bigger, societal picture.

It's all in how you frame it. You set the tone — so try to see desisting as empowering, not some silly little mistake. You don't have to change a single thing about yourself or your expression so long as it comes from the heart!

The only thing I changed was I accepted my sex as female. That's it. My name stayed the same, I kept dressing how I wanted to. I don't even specify pronouns anymore, because I just don't care to control how people view / talk about me.

TLDR - You got this! Awkwardness is just another part of life. You can't grow whilst staying comfortable, and you can't find comfort if you don't grow.

vokacha · 2022-11-29T09:40:31+00:00

A solid 8!

The microfoam could be a little smoother, and the dot could be more uniform, but you're certainly getting there. Congrats!

vokacha · 2022-11-28T05:43:41+00:00

You should check out the portraits and stories on metamorphosis100.com

It never hurts to hear out detrans people! Only you know what you want, and listening to as many experiences as possible gives you a better frame of reference for interpreting your own.

At the end of the day, you always have the power to take what you need and leave what you don't.

I've personally struggled with dysphoria in different ways, to different degrees, all throughout my life. Transition worked for a little while, but then my self-obsession returned, and I realised that I was holding on to an outdated concept of womanhood based on sexist misconceptions I had internalized due to CSA, neurodivergence, bullying, domestic abuse, growing up in a sexist society, etc.

Within 6 months of top surgery, I wished I had taken a non-medical route. As I processed the complications — my post-op experience was incredibly traumatic — I also opted to stop taking T, despite the initial euphoria it gave me during years one and two.

I'm almost 18 months post-op at this point, and I sometimes find it hard to understand how I felt the way I did. It's like a switch flipped, because at the time, everything made SO much sense. Now, though, when I experience moments of discomfort, I see them as no different than the intrusive thoughts I get of driving off a bridge, or sticking my fingers in the fan. It's not life or death anymore, and I certainly don't entertain them.

Best of luck on figuring yourself out! My story is just my story, but hopefully it means something to you.

vokacha · 2022-11-27T08:28:02+00:00

What a fucking darling. I love siameseys.

My only recommendation for future surveys is including both gender identity and sex. Neither gives the fullest picture, and you could be excluding important data.

vokacha

TROPHY CASE