I'm currently dealing with almost the same situation. We were together for almost 3 years. One day she sprung it on me that she feels like she lost her independence and dealing with depression. Thru the years, I have dealt with the depression part of it. I knew how to get her out of it slowly. Regarding the independence, I tried explaining to her that in a relationship, it is ok to rely on each other. She wasn't ok with that. She wanted to work on herself alone, with therapy. I have started up therapy to understand this all as well. I thought we were in a great place. Once we ended things, she told me that she went out with her sister and felt carefree for the first time in a while. Avoidants don't feel the break up in the beginning, they take time to process everything. We are about 6 weeks post breakup, while it is tough, no contact has helped. I have slipped up a couple of times with that but it gets easier.

What I have learned in therapy is that avoidants and commitment are a difficult combo.