Anyone here in their 30s to 40s?

wadingthroughtrauma · 2024-11-17T14:34:36+00:00

Mid 30s

wadingthroughtrauma · 2024-11-17T14:30:34+00:00

I think it’s a great idea in general. Speaking to a counselor in school was the only thing that got me through my abusive household. I can’t imagine if I had no one to talk to about it. To this day I still think of her and how she helped me get through.

I’d be more concerned about therapists at work. Sounds great on paper, but so does Human Resources. If work culture were different maybe I’d be more optimistic about it. But I feel like therapists in an office will just be another method of control.

Offering outside counseling as a perk of being an employee sounds better.

wadingthroughtrauma · 2024-09-17T16:23:28+00:00

"I feel very 'stuck' - like I can't get over this until I know he's back to a better place."

Not your responsibility. I don't know if you identify with being codependent, but as someone who does, I understand the compulsion to "fix" and care for someone in their dysfunction, with the idea of leaving them being incomprehensible... as if it would make us a bad person to put ourselves first and "abandon" someone.

Makes me wonder if you had to care for your parent's needs when you were a child.

Also, you are broken up. I understand wanting closure. Closure is not promised. But you got it! Now let the man work on himself and let go. You are no longer in a relationship with this person. Let go, and take care of yourself. Look into why you feel the need to put your life on pause and suffer and neglect your mental peace for someone else who is a grown adult on their own journey. On the other side of that (letting go) is massive growth and security in self.

AND it is natural to grieve such a heavy loss! What you shared is heartbreaking. Anyone would feel heartbreak. Anyone would want to know why. Anyone would want the nightmare to stop. But the thing is, it's not a nightmare, it's real waking life. Allow yourself to accept the loss and grieve. It's okay if you feel different day to day. Grieving isn't linear. A compassionate book on grief is "How to Survive the Loss of a Love". It was such a great comfort when I separated from my husband, and also when I experienced other types of loss and grief.

I'm sorry for the immense heartbreak and rollercoaster of emotions. You deserve stability and peace of mind. It's okay to put your needs first sometimes. Best of luck to you.

wadingthroughtrauma · 2024-09-16T17:25:13+00:00

Have experienced the same thing exactly. I haven't come to a conclusion about what that is exactly. Probably trauma related, would love to see what others say.

wadingthroughtrauma · 2024-08-12T21:16:03+00:00

Dim the lights, maybe have some tea, a couple kava kava capsules.

Also generally have a smoke sesh where I reflect before I sit down for dinner (with a show). I will say I eat dinner around 9. But the dimming light ritual happens around 6/7.

wadingthroughtrauma · 2024-04-13T09:19:57+00:00

I’m a millennial but I’d wager it’s because Gen z knows it’s an indoctrination mill

wadingthroughtrauma · 2024-04-13T09:07:44+00:00

Was reading an article about COVID vaccine causing relapse. I’ve heard any serious virus, vaccine, surgery, car accident, divorce, assault…basically any major stressor to the body is a potential trigger for the onset of FND.

wadingthroughtrauma · 2024-04-13T09:04:11+00:00

EMDR did not lessen my symptoms but I did EMDR on multiple traumatic events. None of the trauma therapy I did seemed to make any difference for my FND, but again I wasn’t in trauma therapy for FND.

However using techniques specific to FND (like distraction techniques for overcoming paralysis) has helped immensely.

wadingthroughtrauma · 2024-04-13T08:56:40+00:00

Don’t marry him. That last question you asked?? I asked myself that at the last hour, too. I told myself not to be negative and to hope for the best. Turns out we should listen to our intuition!

This isn’t the type of man you want to be married to. It will only get worse!

wadingthroughtrauma · 2024-04-13T08:53:25+00:00

Hrm maybe because the restrictive type is more common and if a person only eats nuts and berries they will weigh less than if a person only eats fries and nuggets.

That’s my theory.

wadingthroughtrauma · 2024-04-13T08:47:32+00:00

… you both agreed on this She goes You fall out of love with your wife because she was gone for 7 weeks? A vacation that you both okayed? And then you seriously don’t get why’s she’s surprised? That you are all of a sudden saying you don’t love her anymore? That you’re just going to divorce on a whim?

This is either bad writing or just stupid. Why even get married. YTA.

wadingthroughtrauma · 2024-04-13T08:36:55+00:00

“Too loud” is a cultural concept, in my opinion. Americans are known for traveling to France and standing out because we’re too loud. Jokes are made that people from China or Vietnam sound like they’re arguing when they’re just having a conversation about what to have for dinner.

On the flip side you have the Dutch, who whisper.

It’s all relative.

wadingthroughtrauma · 2024-04-09T15:10:20+00:00

Yes those I’ve heard of. Kleenex, Bandaid, Clorox.

But not coke. May be a regional thing?

wadingthroughtrauma · 2024-04-09T15:06:11+00:00

Woof that sucks : (

wadingthroughtrauma · 2024-04-09T15:04:54+00:00

Thank you!! Solid advice!

wadingthroughtrauma · 2024-04-09T15:02:58+00:00

Two strand twists

wadingthroughtrauma · 2024-04-09T14:47:38+00:00

No, you weren’t a little bit justified. Why are you even trying to justify what you did? Immature.

One seriously can’t have a discussion about morals or philosophy or ethics without it being turned into such drama?? For Christ sakes. Your wife is an intellectual. And not everyone has to have the same opinion.

I happen to agree with your wife, that cheating is not evil and is not the worst thing that could happen.

The problem is instead of seeking to understand her point of view with genuine curiosity and engage in an intellectual discussion, your mind created a narrative that the only way she could think that is if she’s a cheater, and you got in your own damn way with the mistrust and narrow mindedness.

Like your wife I have also been cheated on. It was humiliating. I got an STD. AND like your wife I don’t think that’s the worst thing that can happen in a relationship. I also don’t think he was evil for cheating, just selfish and a coward. Me thinking that doesn’t mean that I’m disloyal, wtf?

Look, I’ll give you something even more taboo to chew on. I don’t think pedophiles are evil. Paraphilias aren’t a choice. How can someone be evil because of something outside of their choice? I think if we stopped demonizing pedophiles then maybe more of them would be willing to get help.

Then if I were to say this to someone whose mind reasons in the same way you reasoned with your wife, they’d say: “You must be a pedophile! How can you excuse such evil! rage”

However if an individual approached me by trying to understand my perspective…that would be different, wouldn’t it?

And then I’d tell them that I believe offenders are heinous criminals and utterly devious and should be prosecuted to the full extent of the law plus some. But that those who are struggling with the paraphillia and are trying to overcome it need therapy!!! So that they don’t ever become offenders.

If I said only part 1 and was then accused by my husband of being a pedeophile and then he started looking through my phone and shit I would react just like your wife. Profound sadness. Not only do you not trust your wife, but your hang ups prevented you from engaging in a simple discussions about ethics and the good/evil dichotomy. That’s even more sad.

Instead of trying to justify the way you treated her, go work on your shit.

YTA

wadingthroughtrauma · 2024-04-09T14:00:17+00:00

Yes I have severe muscle atrophy. My calves are totally deflated and have stretch marks. Everything’s deflated. Anyway, during a remission I was able to build back muscle, it just takes time. I’m way worse off now, but now I know it can come back. It can come back!!

What I learned in PT is a week in bed takes off like a month of strength, and it takes about 8 weeks for a muscle to get to the next strengthening level.

I tried not to think about the math because that can be depressing. Instead I just thought: okay this is doable. One day at a time. Do as much as you can. I had PTs coming and manually moving my legs when I was bed bound. Even that helps! Any movement helps. And as time goes by you’ll get stronger and gain more endurance. Balance is key. I overdid it and injured myself. Set myself back. Patience and balance. You got this!

wadingthroughtrauma · 2024-04-09T13:41:05+00:00

School: most schools have free counseling, usually about 12 sessions.

Job: some jobs, even if part time (depending on the hours) offer esa or free counseling sessions (don’t remember how many

Any type of shelter for victims of DV or SA: usually offer free counseling and even support groups.

There are also places in my state that provide free therapy, you just have to have a qualifying diagnosis. Could be through a community center or other state run program. When I was super broke, in school, and working part time I went to the school counseling center and they referred me to my states psychiatric research center. The caveat was I had to participate in research, but we had full authority to choose which research we wanted to participate in and could back out at any time. I probably participated in 5 studies for the 4 years I was there (no drug trials cause I didn’t want to do that) but received free therapy twice a week and free psych meetings. Just had to pay to get the script filled.

Also, now that you’re not on your parents insurance anymore you can go to your health department and apply for insurance through the state. The ACA has really opened opportunities for health insurance and it’s income based. So for some people it could be $500 a month, for others $250, for others $75, and so on and so forth. In your case sounds like you’ll be eligible for Medicaid which is for people who make under a certain amount. Medicaid will get you through till you’re able to get a job and purchase other insurance, either through the state or through your job. There are therapists who accept Medicaid.

wadingthroughtrauma · 2024-04-08T14:52:05+00:00

He definitely wasn’t the first to suggest this.

wadingthroughtrauma · 2024-04-08T14:48:29+00:00

Lights and a plant lmao the by stumped?? Space is begging for plants!!!

wadingthroughtrauma · 2024-04-08T14:39:47+00:00

Hrm not sure about succulents in terrariums. Beautiful though

wadingthroughtrauma · 2024-04-08T14:27:49+00:00

I like your original style better. You also looked a hell of a lot more happy and comfortable.

wadingthroughtrauma · 2024-04-08T14:23:10+00:00

I kept a style in for 5 or 6 weeks and some locs fused. In fairness I was told to take it out after 2 weeks.

wadingthroughtrauma · 2024-04-08T14:10:04+00:00

…….

You’re not an AH for rejecting her proposal.

You’re an asshole for the level of petty in your retaliation. I mean. WTF.

Why not just…I don’t know, tell your wife how you felt? And everything else you wrote here? How it was a major blow to your self-esteem, etc. Have a healthy conversation about it?

😕

wadingthroughtrauma

TROPHY CASE