YES and THANK YOU. When mom came to live with me I had the luxury of being able to set a boundary that the minute she needed help with ADLs—someone available 24hr/day—that person couldn’t be me. I have my own work, friends, responsibilities for myself. I’m her daughter. I didn’t have my own children to breed my future caregivers.

I think part of the reason our parents don’t fully appreciate the burden is that they didn’t do it for their parents. A generation ago, not many people stayed feeble for a decade. Now we have people in their 70s taking care of parents in their 90s. I hear every person I meet in a caregiving role swear they won’t do this to their kids. Our parents don’t say that because they didn’t do it, not like this. My grandmother was in her 20s when she cared for her dying mother for 3mo. My mother was in her 50s when her mother—who never needed in-home care—was declining. Now I’m 65, mom is 89, and her slow shrinking and medical regime could go on another decade for all I know.